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Is being quiet and sensitive a good thing?

(30 Posts)
ineedamum Sun 06-Oct-19 16:12:30

Is being quiet and sensitive a good thing? I was told that I am this and as I'm going through a tough time I have been beating myself up over it

Harris27 Sun 06-Oct-19 16:15:30

Well I’ve been described as this but I am a very private person and don’t tell people too much about my self as I respect my privacy.

Smileless2012 Sun 06-Oct-19 16:18:43

It isn't a bad thing ineedamum but if it prevents you from standing up for yourself when you need too, it can be I suppose for you.

Being quiet can enable you to be sensitive to the needs of others as you can listen to what they're saying.

Better to be quiet and sensitive than the opposite IMO so don't beat yourself up for being who you areflowers.

ineedamum Sun 06-Oct-19 16:25:34

Thanks, I've had a tough time in work due to bullying and ostracism which has been going on for a year. I have raised the issues many, many times, and been told I'm the problem etc etc.

Witnesses have come forward and the truth has been revealed and I've had an apology.

However, it has dented my confidence and self esteem so thank you for your kind words x

lovebeigecardigans1955 Sun 06-Oct-19 16:32:19

My first response was, "No, it jolly well isn't" as I've been quiet all my life and feel that it lays you open to being walked over, ignored and taken for granted.
However, I'm sure that we are appreciated by others when they need to talk about a problem as we are good listeners. As long as you learn to stick up for yourself and gain confidence as you go through life it can be a good thing.
The opposite - insensitive loud types tend to be unpopular, don't you find? They're probably dying inside as they try to hide their insecurities iykwim. Don't beat yourself up.

wildswan16 Sun 06-Oct-19 16:47:45

I would much prefer to have a quiet and sensitive person as a friend than any other. Do not try to change your true self for anyone else.

Others may try to take advantage, but they are definitely the ones with a problem, not you.

You say that others have now realised that you were in no way to blame - more fool them for not picking up on this sooner.

I hope things at work become calmer and easier for you. flowers.

Harris27 Sun 06-Oct-19 16:49:16

I’ve read the above and yes it took a while for me to stick up for myself and I’m friendly at work but do hold back a little with my privacy. Think it’s not a bad thing.

dragonfly46 Sun 06-Oct-19 16:54:46

I think it depends. If it comes from a lack of confidence and shyness it is not always a good thing. My DD was always so and was bullied at school and work because she allowed it. It wasn't until she got married at 39 that she gained the confidence to stand up for herself and not be trodden on.

EllanVannin Sun 06-Oct-19 17:02:42

When others see you as different, it's their problem not yours.

Fennel Sun 06-Oct-19 17:03:29

ineedamum In fact you have won this battle by using the right tactics and you should be proud of yourself. Rather than letting it undermine your self esteem.
Well done smile.
Bullies always need to be opposed, but how it's done depends on the situation and the nature of the person bullied.

FarNorth Sun 06-Oct-19 17:19:25

Fighting back can really take it out of you, if your nature is more towards the introverted type.
Even if no actual action is needed, just recovering from some sort of knock can be very hard.
Clearly, it can be good in some circumstances to be quiet and sensitive, but not in others.

ineedamum Sun 06-Oct-19 17:28:14

Thank you x

rosecarmel Sun 06-Oct-19 18:05:55

There's a term in business called toxic handler- This is someone who is expected to be the individual employees turn to and "unload"-

Someone who is considered a good listener could actually be a toxic handler type person- Meaning they become toxic from "just listening"- Not much dialogue, or questioning- And no outlet of their own- It all gets internalized -

vena11 Sun 06-Oct-19 18:44:33

I am sort of shy I will not be walked over in life if someone hurts my family . I would like to be more out spoken but I am careful I will make myself look foolish and be ridiculed, but I am getting to age where I am beginning to not care what other people think but it is hard

Pantglas2 Sun 06-Oct-19 19:06:18

Nope - I’m the one who always calls the passive/aggressive thing. It’s so bullying and I can’t stand picking on vulnerable who won’t stand up for themselves.

Equally I encourage folks to stand up and be counted because no one defends you better than you’ll defend you and yours. When bullies find a target they’ll shrink a little more before they move on and eventually look within to solve their problems.

sodapop Sun 06-Oct-19 19:09:57

Absolutely nothing wrong with being quiet and sensitive indeedamum You probably get your point across just as successfully as anyone else. Don't change to suit others just be yourself.

Sealover Sun 06-Oct-19 19:10:41

I've been accused of being too sensitive all my life. I recently read The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron. I'm not a freak! Let's embrace this quality. I really recommend the book.

Doodledog Sun 06-Oct-19 21:01:12

I think it depends on what you mean by 'sensitive'. I had a colleague who said she was sensitive, and hated conflict; but what she meant was that if she didn't get her own way in everything she would cry and give the silent treatment (to 'avoid conflict'). In a professional situation, it was a nightmare.
If a manager took her to task, she claimed to be being bullied, and took time off every time there was a stressful meeting or something she didn't want to do.

I'm not saying you are like this, ineedamum; but it is an infuriating way to behave, and very difficult to deal with.

So no, it is not wrong to be sensitive, but it can be awkward for other people if sensitivity is used as an excuse.

sharon103 Sun 06-Oct-19 21:57:24

As already been said, being quiet opens one up to being picked on, bullied and taken advantage of and used as a doormat at times.
Being too sensitive I think makes us worry too much in my experience.
I think as we grow older and experience all sorts of situations in life, we grow wiser and learn to be assertive and have the ability to speak up for ourselves in a way that is honest and respectful without being aggressive.
You've had your confidence shattered. Get back up and start again.
By the way, well done for sticking it out for 12 months. I would have been long gone.

bluebirdwsm Sun 06-Oct-19 22:23:35

Being quiet and sensitive has not done me any favours. But very often people do confide in me when in trouble... because I am empathetic at the time, so useful to them. Then tend to disappear when they are ok again.

I tend to be cooperative, passive and helpful but have felt used a lot. Assertiveness has backfired in the past.

But I'd rather be me than bullying, over confident/arrogant, competitive and loud. I walk away from those personalities and I just seek out other quiet people. It makes life more pleasant.

Sara65 Mon 07-Oct-19 07:02:49

One of my daughters is super sensitive, though definitely not quiet, she sees slights and criticism everywhere, she reads things into comments that her family, her friends, her colleagues say, that simply aren’t there.

She’s far from shy, would fight anyone who hurt her children, but carries the same sensitivity into their lives, seeing things that aren’t there.

I think it’s lovely to be kind and sensitive, but you still need to be a bit tough in life.

BradfordLass72 Mon 07-Oct-19 07:29:05

It's such a pity that a quiet and sensitive person has actually been driven to ask if she's at fault! sad

Some of the world's great thinkers, poets and artists have been exactly that.

Rejoice in who you are flowers

Oopsminty Mon 07-Oct-19 07:34:41

We need quiet and sensitive. Even more so today.

ineedamum Mon 07-Oct-19 07:47:25

Thanks everybody. I've taken that quiz and I definitely have some traits of being a highly sensitive person and am introverted.

I was told I'm quiet and sensitive outside work, but issues in work have definitely affected me, so I couldn't see the positive in this!

In work I was constantly being gossiped about behind my back, ignored, excluded and "forgotten" about on a daily basis. Witnesses said it was a group mentality which continued so new staff members felt obliged to join in.

I raised it many times with the manager who wasn't interested, so I continued raising the issues and he eventually saying I was paranoid, always complaining and I'm toxic.

I'm starting a better job soon, so starting a new job when I'm quiet is naturally a bit daunting!

Anja Mon 07-Oct-19 07:58:37

Sensitive people can be a delight. Over-sensitive though is a different matter.