Manners; where's thank you notes gone!

I’ve never thought of gifts in that way notanan - it’s certainly an interesting take on gift gifting but not one I subscribe to. Each to their own though.

I am sad to say that although my adult children (together with their spouses and our grandchildren) all live reasonably close to us, if we are unlikely to see them on the actual day, I always post cards for their birthdays etc. but rarely get these acknowledged
To be fair if they then visit to receive presents etc. we do get a verbal thank you.
In contrast I have a very close friend that I have known for 40 odd years (we had children at the same time) - I always send cards to her children and grandchildren and always (without fail) receive a text message thanking me either on the day or the next day.
Sadly I think the days of writing any letter have gone but I do always send 'proper' cards especially to elderly friends etc. I know they are appreciated so much - one particular lady keeps them on her shelf and looks at them over and over, enjoying them for months! I usually receive acknowledgement from their family!
On a slightly different note we watch a lot of quiz programmes etc. on TV.
Has anyone else noticed that when a contestant has to choose a subject/amount not many ask for it with a 'please' - or are we just getting old and grumpy
Perhaps 'pleases' and 'thankyous' are no longer considered important?

When a baby gift arrives you think "oh thats nice, theyre interested in my new baby so I expect they will call/visit/message soon and I can thsnk them then" so you open it, use it, its not until down the line that you realise that they send gifts but actually have no interest in your child.

Sending people like that thank you notes only prolongues the empty gift/note exchange. The people who mean their gifts to be an extension of their interest you will see or hear from anyway so they will get thanked.

I learnt this too late. Did the thank you note thing. Shouldnt have

If there is no sentiment behind the gift and it is given out of duty or etiquite or what ever then I would rather not have it.

A baby gift should mean the person is interested in the baby. And if its not followed up with a "how are you all doing" visit/call/text/email then it was a hollow gesture.

Most people nowadays I think feel that an in person thankyou is more heartful than a dutiful thank.you.for.the.gift. note.

If you give a gift to someone you dont see or call then they wont have the organic opportunity to do that

Sazzl if it was 6 months before she spoke to the new mum in the family then she cant care that much about them so why send showey expensive gifts. Showing interest means more to most people.

I like gifts that mean something. If you never/rarely speak to a person your gifts are less likely to be meaningful/personal so why do it?

Oh l feel your pain. It irritates me so much. Its definitely generational. And global!

Wow varied thoughts.

I wonder how reprentative across the classes generally we are who log onto Gransnet...
I definitely think reading the replies it's hugely influenced by social media and our new generation forms of communication. If I'm honest I think if it was boiled down we'd find that the upper classes, privately educated and professional backgrounds are more likely to still send thank you letters be it for gifts or to a host for a weekend stay..

My MIL sent £100 worth of posh clothes on the birth of her great gd This was 20 yrs ago and she never even received an acknowledgement that it arrived. Asked her DIL 6 mths later and she confirmed it had and it was lovely. But no Thank you nothing. Last present she ever sent them.

I see it as an extension of what you’d do in person. If you’d had a baby and a neighbour or friend came round with a present you’d acknowledge your gratitude with a thank you. Why should it be any different if that friend lives too far away to pop in but still went to the expense and gave up their time to get you a present? It’s still basic manners to say thanks.

I give 100 per cent because I want to. I neither look or hope for thanks. If I did, I would be giving very little nowadays. Who cares? Hetty says it for me.

I understand very well why you feel that the gift wasn't appreciated and why you might want not to bother in the future.

Perhaps we didn't bring our children up to realise that they were supposed to write or phone their thanks?

Manners change like everything else, after all our grandmothers wore mourning after a death in the family, but we don't (except perhaps at the funeral, or for a few days)
I can just remember a time when elderly ladies all wore black, grey or dark blue and those who were widows wore their wedding ring on their right hand, not their left. I doubt anyone does that now and thank you notes, phone calls or texts seem to be going the same way as mourning rituals.

I was amazed when my first child was born to receive so many presents from friends of my Scottish in-laws whom I had never met. Their local town had several baby wear shops, full of gifts, giving to all and sundry was the norm. I am not sure if it is the case these days.

I am lucky if I get a thank you from my grandchildren, they leave that to their Dad to pass on to me.

We were invited to a wedding and the bride and groom asked for money. Not our way of doing things but we gave a nice amount. A month on and no thank you. I think it is such bad manners .
We gave money to a couple for their wedding, which we went to in August. Still half expecting a thank you note!

I would expect at least a phone call to say thank you if they're not likely to see you personally. A small inexpensive notelet with a Thank you for your thoughtful gift, baby is doing well and he/she looks so cute in the romper suit, would be perfect. We were taught to write thankyou's as children, sadly it seems to be the exception not the norm these days. If no one says thank you, you wonder if your gift has even arrived. You took the trouble to go shopping, choose a beautiful item, wrap and send, surely a few lines & a stamp isn't expecting too much? If they can't be bothered, don't send any more in that direction.

I am 82. When young, communities of neighbours and friends were,perhaps, smaller. Older people, in particular, liked to give something to any new baby, they heard of. Some loved knitting and felt closer to the community, ready made baby clothes were largely unobtainable. I was made to write thank you notes when older and tried with my own sons, now 55 and 47. I gave up when they reached the teens. Nowadays, I have never had any thankyous from grandchildren unless called to the phone by their parents. Grandson, now 20, HAS sent articulate emails lately. His sister, aged 15, can only be contacted via her mother. She never uses email despite having an address. She apparently uses What's App and possibly other social connections unknown to me.

If you give a gift, however small, it is just good manners by the recipient to say 'Thank you', with a note, phone call, email, text or whatever.
I don't do Facebook or any other social networking sites but anyone that I would send a gift or card to has my mobile number.
I would be tempted to phone them and ask if they actually received it.

I was always brought up to write thank you notes. A lot of the time between Christmas and New Year was spent in writing thank you letters to aunts and uncles when I was a child!
Maybe the recipients of the gifts have assumed that the people you gave the gifts to, to pass on have already said thank you on their behalf, which IMO is lazy.
I'd be tempted to ask their parents if they liked the present and say that you hadn't heard anything. Doesn't take 5 minutes to pop a card in the post - not when you can get pre- printed cards these days!

I think it’s like most things - done electronically.
We’re you not taught that we don not give to receive? Only joking with that - an acknowledgement should always be sent in some form but a handwritten note is special.

Last wedding we went to we were asked for money and we gave a cheque. All we know is that it was cashed. My DS still gets presents from his Godparents and he always thanks them in an email. I think that is OK, don't need a letter just the spirit of thanks

In that case notanan2 I’d rather receive a straightforward ‘Please don’t send anymore gifts’ message than nothing at all.

No danger of a misinterpretation then is there, and that would be the end of the whole sorry mess!

If its something you want to discourage then a thank you is mixes messages.

Pamela, Mine send thank you cards too basically I guess because from as far back as they could scribble I made them understand we were sending a note/picture/ card to whoever because they sent the Lego or the took you to the theatre for your birthday..
When they kicked back because they couldn't be bothered idsay no worries let's send the present back (calling their bluff) because if you can't be bothered that's an insult to the present giver..
My son has just got married and thankfully I know my new DIL will send hand individual written notes to my cousins who very kindly forked out £150, £200 etc..and indeed all the older guests who were very generous
No wedding list, no asking for money..thank goodness... Cringe..
I'd be beyond mortified if they wrote a Facebook message thank you ?

Retired, I think it was very nice of you to send a gift. You have known the family for years. I can’t see why your generosity should be questioned.

It took me 3 hours to earn the cash (well cheque) my husband and I sent to his nephew and partner on the birth of their baby. They did thank us, via my DD on Facebook. Couldn’t they have managed a card? 10mins?
I suppose I must be grateful that they made contact. Life does evolve, just a shame that social niceties are being forgotten.
The nephew is the same generation as my children. Mine still send thank you notes.

It is bad manners for anyone to not acknowledge and say thank you for a gift, no matter what the circumstances. A message by any form takes seconds, and it should be done sooner rather than later. I used to send cash in cards and often would have no idea if it had been received or lost in the post. Therefore I started sending cheques so at least I could see they had been cashed. Still didn’t get a thank you even though they obviously found the time to take it to the bank. Have just stopped now! They can blame my age!