To move or stay put...

Have you thought of buying a caravan or a small Motorhome so you can stay at a caravan site near them for as long as you’d like/would be able to. Treat it as a second home. I live nearly two hours away from two of my grandchildren and this is what we do. In the summer holidays we stay for a couple of weeks to ease the burden of making arrangements for them to be looked after.

We are all different, it is clear, and perhaps there is no perfect solution.

My DM, once we had agreed that living with us was not a specially good idea, moved to be near one of my siblings (but not in the same house) and she was able to help them with babysitting.

When all our DC were older, DM used to do an annual tour of us all in turn. 2 weeks here, 2 weeks there etc. In between times we would call on her when we could but it was my sibling who lived nearest, who looked after DM in her old age.

Good advice from NanKate - I know three sets of parents who have moved long distances to be near children and grandchildren only to have them move hundreds of miles away. I really miss my DS and family and wish they didn’t live five hours drive away but my life is here and theirs is there ...

Hettyl How sad that you can't see your little GD. Mine lives in Australia, but I have the consolation of frequent 'visits' via the Internet. She is 2 1/2, and thinks that I live in the phone.

My son and his wife are expecting their first baby, the first grandchild. They live really close to his in-laws in Cheshire. For me to get to them is nine and half hours, two trains and £200 . The luggage , me and my guide dog, and I can get lost in my home city.
I moved my mother here when she was on her own and it was not the right thing to do, she was a town girl and this is the countryside. I spent many anguished days and nights thinking what to do but if I go :
1. they may move again
2 I am blind mother in law is not and already close by baby sitting by me...?
3. How are they going to help me ? They both work and have a full social life they will mean to help but how cna they.
4. Here I know where everything is, I have friends and some independence. I volunteer and I have clubs I go to.
There is face to face technology, skype and yes I will never cuddle the little one, or see her walk or any of the other things . But neither does my friend her grandchildren are in Australia.

I will be able go once with a sighted friend who offered to help me., when the baby is born and I am grateful for that.

In many ways this depends on what your husband wants to do, whether you are retired and how old the grandchildren are.

Move nearer to them by all means if your husband likes the thought too, but please remember that children grow up, leave school, move away to study or work and do not necessarily want to be near their parents and grandparents.

I mean, don't base your future on being close to family, as being nearer geographically may not last and doesn't necessarily mean that you will see more of them.

Discuss the future with your husband and find out what you both want to do - then consider moving if that is what you both decide you want.

Bong? Bond!

Go back and bong with your family - lovely for all, and, you might just need them one day.

I'd move. You can always spend weekends in East Anglia. My elderly mother lived an hour away from me. It was very difficult when she could barely cope. We spent so many days with her trying to sort her problems out. She should have moved closer to me when she was in her 70s which I suggested at the time. Now she's in her 90s and lives with me which I don't like but she couldn't cope in her own home any more. I feel if she'd moved closer 20 years or so ago she could probably still be in her own home with me popping in daily.

I would have to move nearer,, in fact that is what hubby and I did when I retired from full time work, (I was main earner)

when our first gs was born, no contest....even though we had to "downsize" from cost point of view rather than choice.. never regretted it.

but then we are all different

Move nearer but make your own life and don’t rely on family
Time flies so make the most of being nearer the grandchildren but don’t be amazed if they move away later.

We always had a good distance between where we lived and our families. 100 miles or so was about right for us. Much as we loved spending time with my parents and DH's ( who were divorced, so two locations) I really would not have been happy for them to uproot and come to spend more time with us, close is sometimes too close.

TBH is it likely that your Ds and GC will continue to live there? what if you up sticks and within 5 years, they've \all moved away?

We were in a similar situation a couple of years ago as we lived about 100 miles away from our daughters and grandchildren. We sold the family home and rented very close to them but for a variety of reasons, we decided it wasn't a place we wanted to live so moved back to a smaller house in a nicer part of our own area. I really recommend renting as it gives you the chance to try without a definite commitment.

Where you live sounds idyllic. It would surely be the ideal place for your family to spend holidays.

You have to decide which is more important to you.

With you on this issue Cp43.

What is two hundred miles with motorways taking us to visit our families in a matter of hours compared to those of us who have GC living the other side of the world. Our GC are not children for long so what is to stop your GC flying the nest and moving much further than two hundred miles.What will you want to do then ? up sticks again and follow ?

Agree with gingergirl

Gc at either end of the country. I wish I could be nearer but that would mean living in the middle of the country and pribabky still near an airport. Out of the question anyway as both live in very expensive cities. I often joke I could if lucky only afford a garage in either place. If me I would move.

I’m in the process of purchasing a house moving 80 miles away to be near my daughter and her young family, it’s a bit of a wrench leaving my lovely home for one thats smaller and needs work doing ( it’s all we could afford in this more expensive part of the country) and I’m leaving my other daughter and her grown up kids who live close, but I feel I have been here for them since they were born and for sports days, Christmas concerts etc and now it’s time to be there for the last and youngest grandkids.
I agree though bigmama it’s a tough decision and I’ve changed my mind countless times before the decision to go ahead.

Bear in mind that the grandchildren will grow up and have their own lives and so I wouldnt base the choice just on that. But maybe do a pros and cons sheet which may make it clearer. Good luck.

The snag is when they or the grandchildren decide to move away for work/school/uni you’ll be in the same boat.

I would want to be near my GC but you have doubts and there must be a reason for that. Going back can be difficult because you will have changed since moving and many of the people you know will be the same. I know as I have done it but it worked for us.

If you can perhaps you could rent for 6 months where you are considering living, in the winter would be best.

Assuming you are not a spring chicken I think you should prioritise convenience over everything else. Life is so much easier if you have good local shops and public transport.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Like NanKate says, be very careful. Unless they all (partners and DC) want you to move closer and need you very much I would stay where you are and be a place they can enjoy for holidays.

Nothing worse than trapping your children either.
How can they move if they have watched you sacrifice a happy lifestyle to be near them.

I've known a few couples who have moved to be nearer to GCs, but then the DCs move (in one case to Australia!) or there's a rift in the family. So it didn't work out as they hoped, and it costs so much money to move.
Life is so fluid nowadays, and only you can make the decision. Good luck.