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To move or stay put...

(35 Posts)
bigmama1960 Thu 07-Nov-19 23:09:01

I am in a dilemma.
We have 3 Granddaughters (our only Grandchildren) living 200 miles away with their parents( my daughters). We moved away 6 years ago to buy a business which is no longer trading due to high street problems.
It took me a long time to truly enjoy living here, in East Anglia, 45 mins to the coast with pretty villages around and beautiful countryside but now I am plagued with thoughts of going back cos I miss the children.
I couldnt live where they live but wish I were closer.
I really dont know what to do? Consider moving back or stay and be a long distance Nannie? Help.....

Chestnut Thu 07-Nov-19 23:30:04

Only you can decide what's right for you but I have chosen to be near my children and grandchildren. I want to be close by and see them often. For me that is the most important thing.

Summerlove Thu 07-Nov-19 23:40:06

Gosh, what a hard decision. Can you start by doing some long weekends in the area to see if you’d even like being there again? As you know, living there will be different from visiting. Your families will have their own schedules

hellymart Thu 07-Nov-19 23:40:58

If you are considering it then you are clearly not relishing being a 'long distance Nannie' and perhaps it is the thing to do. But why not discuss it with your daughters and your OH and see what they think?

PamelaJ1 Fri 08-Nov-19 07:18:11

Did you live in that area before you moved to EA?
If so you will have friends and contacts that would make the move easier.
I’m presuming that you get on well with your family and you would all like to spend more time together. I live close to one DD and see GC frequently, sometimes just for an hour. He’s part of our life, not just a visitor.
As a child we visited our grandparents. It was lovely but a bit remote. Lots of GParents don’t have a choice but you do. I would go.
Just one more question, would they be moving at any point?

craftyone Fri 08-Nov-19 07:26:57

no contest, move to about 30-50 miles away from them, close enough but far enough. Move while there are two of you and while you are fit and able. Expect that they could move in the future, so be very careful about your location, shops and buses and a friendly community. We moved to be halfway between dds and never for a moment regretted it. A potential move should also involve you looking ahead, for yourself, for when older, perhaps one of you widowed

Katyj Fri 08-Nov-19 07:27:43

Daughters and 3 Granddaughters you wouldn't see me for dust ! Family are priceless, even if you don't live on their doorstep you could be closer and see them a lot more regularly without having to stay overnight.

cornergran Fri 08-Nov-19 07:32:56

I totally understand the drive to be closer to your family but only you and your husband/partner can decide what’s right for you both. I’m sorry, lots of questions. How often do you all see each other now? You say ‘my daughters’, does that mean they aren’t your husbands children? What does he think about it? If you are both open to a move then I suggest a family discussion, get everyone’s thoughts and yes, check your daughters known future plans in awareness that life happens and they may need to move area themselves at some point. Don’t rush, involve everyone and spend as much time as you can in all seasons in the proposed new area then make your decision.

NanKate Fri 08-Nov-19 07:33:37

If you do make the move back to near the family do choose your future home very carefully. My friend sold up and moved to the same tiny village in Devon as her daughter and grandchildren. The children are now in their teens and spend a lot of time with their dad in another town. Her daughter has a new relationship and is away most weekends. My friend feels abandoned especially as her health is fading and she feels very isolated.

So do find somewhere with activities and facilities, such as doctors, library, shops nearby where you can make your new life and see your family. Best of luck.

dragonfly46 Fri 08-Nov-19 07:43:51

Our DC are over 100 miles away but we have really good friends here so will not be moving. I love seeing the DGC and DC but they lead busy lives at a different pace to us. They could not be my only friends. I sometimes envy people who have lived all their lives in one place and have family around but they have not had the experiences we have had.
This is a decision only you can make.

Gaunt47 Fri 08-Nov-19 08:40:36

I've known a few couples who have moved to be nearer to GCs, but then the DCs move (in one case to Australia!) or there's a rift in the family. So it didn't work out as they hoped, and it costs so much money to move.
Life is so fluid nowadays, and only you can make the decision. Good luck.

Grammaretto Fri 08-Nov-19 09:04:17

Like NanKate says, be very careful. Unless they all (partners and DC) want you to move closer and need you very much I would stay where you are and be a place they can enjoy for holidays.

Nothing worse than trapping your children either.
How can they move if they have watched you sacrifice a happy lifestyle to be near them.

Nonnie Fri 08-Nov-19 10:06:25

I would want to be near my GC but you have doubts and there must be a reason for that. Going back can be difficult because you will have changed since moving and many of the people you know will be the same. I know as I have done it but it worked for us.

If you can perhaps you could rent for 6 months where you are considering living, in the winter would be best.

Assuming you are not a spring chicken I think you should prioritise convenience over everything else. Life is so much easier if you have good local shops and public transport.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Cp43 Fri 08-Nov-19 10:43:05

The snag is when they or the grandchildren decide to move away for work/school/uni you’ll be in the same boat.

Gingergirl Fri 08-Nov-19 10:43:21

Bear in mind that the grandchildren will grow up and have their own lives and so I wouldnt base the choice just on that. But maybe do a pros and cons sheet which may make it clearer. Good luck.

Lesley60 Fri 08-Nov-19 10:57:56

I’m in the process of purchasing a house moving 80 miles away to be near my daughter and her young family, it’s a bit of a wrench leaving my lovely home for one thats smaller and needs work doing ( it’s all we could afford in this more expensive part of the country) and I’m leaving my other daughter and her grown up kids who live close, but I feel I have been here for them since they were born and for sports days, Christmas concerts etc and now it’s time to be there for the last and youngest grandkids.
I agree though bigmama it’s a tough decision and I’ve changed my mind countless times before the decision to go ahead.

4allweknow Fri 08-Nov-19 11:21:51

Gc at either end of the country. I wish I could be nearer but that would mean living in the middle of the country and pribabky still near an airport. Out of the question anyway as both live in very expensive cities. I often joke I could if lucky only afford a garage in either place. If me I would move.

TrendyNannie6 Fri 08-Nov-19 11:24:23

Agree with gingergirl

sarahellenwhitney Fri 08-Nov-19 11:24:39

What is two hundred miles with motorways taking us to visit our families in a matter of hours compared to those of us who have GC living the other side of the world. Our GC are not children for long so what is to stop your GC flying the nest and moving much further than two hundred miles.What will you want to do then ? up sticks again and follow ?

sarahellenwhitney Fri 08-Nov-19 11:28:25

With you on this issue Cp43.

ladymuck Fri 08-Nov-19 11:28:53

Where you live sounds idyllic. It would surely be the ideal place for your family to spend holidays.

You have to decide which is more important to you.

Emelle Fri 08-Nov-19 11:31:24

We were in a similar situation a couple of years ago as we lived about 100 miles away from our daughters and grandchildren. We sold the family home and rented very close to them but for a variety of reasons, we decided it wasn't a place we wanted to live so moved back to a smaller house in a nicer part of our own area. I really recommend renting as it gives you the chance to try without a definite commitment.

humptydumpty Fri 08-Nov-19 11:32:11

TBH is it likely that your Ds and GC will continue to live there? what if you up sticks and within 5 years, they've \all moved away?

PernillaVanilla Fri 08-Nov-19 11:32:44

We always had a good distance between where we lived and our families. 100 miles or so was about right for us. Much as we loved spending time with my parents and DH's ( who were divorced, so two locations) I really would not have been happy for them to uproot and come to spend more time with us, close is sometimes too close.

Buffy Fri 08-Nov-19 12:03:25

Move nearer but make your own life and don’t rely on family
Time flies so make the most of being nearer the grandchildren but don’t be amazed if they move away later.