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Advice needed Tactful but truthful

(51 Posts)
sandelf Mon 18-Nov-19 12:04:05

I have an invitation to mince pies & mulled wine chez friends. Not been there since the summer when their dogs were very nervy and one bit DH (thick trousers so no real harm done). They have 2 dogs - apple of their eyes but blind to how they really behave to non family. How do I decline the invitation kindly but somehow get it across that while the dogs are milling about we cannot visit?

grandtanteJE65 Tue 19-Nov-19 11:05:49

I would be honest and ask if they are prepared to lock the dog into a bedroom during the do, because after your husband was bitten that is the only way you will visit their house again.

If it offends them, so what? Your husband is the injured party here, not the neighbours or their dog.

If you want to be less forthright than I would be, some will call it rude, go with Ohmother's or Urmstronggran's suggestion.

If you don't tackle the issue now, you never will be able to visit and what will you say to the next invitation?

Kathy1959 Tue 19-Nov-19 11:11:16

I’d just say the last time we were here, your dog bit my husband. We wouldn’t be keen to come again, unless you can assure us the dog will be in another room, unable to get out.

knspol Tue 19-Nov-19 12:01:25

I would laughingly ask if the dogs are going to be around and if so, just politely thank her for the invitation but say you'd better decline as the dogs have obviously taken a real fancy yo your husband and you don't want to risk it happening again.
Have always found that the truth, told as nicely as possible, is always the best.

mrsgreenfingers56 Tue 19-Nov-19 12:30:59

I would tell them straight, it is totally unacceptable for your dog to bite my husband, could have taken it further but due to our friendship we didn't, would speak along those lines.

I would be mortified if any pet of mine had behaved in such a way to guests. Way out of order and needs sorting out.

angie95 Tue 19-Nov-19 12:34:09

Be honest, and say you don't feel comfortable with the dogs, but you are more than welcome to come to our home xx

Nannan2 Tue 19-Nov-19 13:00:15

Yes,just a tactful 'reminder' for them like others have said" i dont think the dogs like (hubbys name)& he's a bit nervous of them, so we'l give it a miss im afraid,youre welcome at ours though for drinks,without them?(otherwise they might bring the blooming dogs along!)smile

Blinko Tue 19-Nov-19 13:00:58

We have a friend whose dog is an absolute pest with visitors. It barks, jumps up, won't leave people alone. A real nuisance. Why can't dog owners see that their pet is a nuisance to anyone else?

Barmeyoldbat Tue 19-Nov-19 13:21:07

Just tell them the truth why you are thinking twice about coming. They should see the problem and hopeful work something out.

sandelf Tue 19-Nov-19 13:58:27

Oh Thank you everyone - I have cut and pasted into a note various golden words - I'll let them brew and compose my reply tomorrow!

Chardy Tue 19-Nov-19 13:59:59

Wear knee high boots?

Paperbackwriter Tue 19-Nov-19 14:52:49

I think you should definitely mention the dog. Are they not aware that the dog bites? It could be a small child next time. They definitely need to know their dog bites.

Aepgirl Tue 19-Nov-19 15:07:39

Yes, Urmstongran. That’s the best way.

I have 2 dogs that are shut in a spare room, with their beds, treats and water whenever I have visitors.

willa45 Tue 19-Nov-19 16:24:04

We once owned two cats. When we had guests, they were confined to the laundry with litter tray, blankets, toys, food & water. Some of my guests never even knew we had cats.

Having said....I agree with most of what was mentioned here....honesty is the best policy.

You could frame your request...."Thank you for inviting us and of course, we'd love to come, but during our last visit, one of your dogs got feisty and bit DH. We don't want a repeat performance so would you be able to keep them confined for the evening?

(if reply is no) "......I understand. No need to secure the pooches on our behalf and no hard feelings....Going forward, we'll just have to figure out a way for us to get together elsewhere. "

Notthatoldyet9 Tue 19-Nov-19 17:22:30

" do you have personal liability insurance - its just your dog sank his teeth in to my husband last summer, and i want to be able to make a claim if it goes through to the bone this time " ...i don't do tact

blue60 Thu 21-Nov-19 16:35:12

Be truthful. Just say that you are nervous since your last visit because of the dog.

LadyGracie Thu 21-Nov-19 17:05:13

I would also tell the truth, I have always been scared of dogs.

Magrithea Fri 22-Nov-19 12:24:59

Dogs and large crowds of people don't really mix. As others have said, be truthful - the dog nipped your husband (which is a sign of its stress i think) and you are hesitant about coming if the dogs are going to be around

BradfordLass72 Sat 23-Nov-19 02:49:32

"We'd love to accept.
I have bought my husband some very smart Kevlar trousers in a cute Santa print just in case your hound of the baskervilles dear wee pooch savages him again.
I, of course, will be wearing my usual leather get-up impregnated with FidoRepel and which comes with its own rather chic whip."

Oopsminty Sat 23-Nov-19 03:41:44

Be honest. Kindly. Don't tell them you can't make that date. They will just suggest another!

Ohmother Sun 24-Nov-19 09:58:01

“Only if my OH can bite your dog this time”. ?

dogsmother Mon 25-Nov-19 09:55:25

I have two small dogs and would not lock them away.
If they had bitten anyone I would be horrified and much rather know that not be told. However I’m not being funny but very serious if my dogs were to bite...even though they are small it would take more than thick trousers to stop them getting through and biting.
If you are not a dog person then it’s best to stay away and say so for the sake of your friendship and honesty.

BlueBelle Mon 25-Nov-19 10:38:14

It’s not about being a dog person or not Dogsmother it’s about not expecting to be bitten when you visit someone’s home

Iam64 Mon 25-Nov-19 11:05:56

Be honest, remind them one of the dogs bit/snapped at your husband so much as you’d enjoy it, you won’t be able to come. I’m surprised they even suggest it.

Well said Bluebelle, in response to Dogs other , it’s not about whether the OP is a dog person, it’s about a dog that bit. I confess to being a dog person but my two current dogs, plus one of my daughters Dogs who stays regularly, all trot happily into the utility area when we have visitors. They do the same when we have four children under five here.
My dogs will seek attention and most visitors ignore any request to “ignore the Dogs” so it’s easier all round. They’re behind a child gate so still involved but not pestering for a stroke.

dogsmother Mon 25-Nov-19 13:06:32

I disagree!
Anyone who has dogs will too. If a dog is going to bite you it will and that is a serious matter and it should be dealt with.
If anyone came to my home and my dog allegedly bit them it would have to be dealt with and nit simply mentioned before a future visit. It would mean my dog was unsafe to have around other people simple as that.
I am saying a dog person gets that.

Yehbutnobut Mon 25-Nov-19 13:57:47

If your DH was wearing thick trousers in the summer then presumably he’ll be wearing even thicker ones now. So don’t see the problem?