Messy House

I think the thoughts nice of offering to help clean up or you could ask if she wants a bit f help putting a few things away some of us are so run off our feet, that occasionally a helping hand is much appreciated, and I agree we are all different, I occasionally leave my dishes till the morning my sister would never dream of doing that, I'm def more fun and not as up tight as her so a happy medium is nice (as long as not filthy), If any of my friends ever offered to help me i'd bite their hand off and prob get another bottle of wine..

Ooh, I'm very heartened by the Einstein quote as I am messy by nature. I have a relative and a friend too whose houses are so featureless and tidy they could be rented holiday houses or shop showrooms: not for me. They are both very controlling people and their hospitality is doled out in very small portions entirely to suit themselves, they are quite boring people too I'm afraid: this sounds insulting as they are good people but rather unstimulating mentally, so maybe Einstein is right.

There is a big difference between a messy, untidy and dusty house and a house that is filthy, has rotting food and evidence of vermin, is a health and fire hazard, has animal or human excrement lying around, is freezing cold, the roof leaks, the plumbing doesn't work or the toilet flush.

The first is a choice made by the people who live there and it's either accept that is the way they live or don't visit, the second scenario is where you may consider further action with local authorities.

I loved a frig magnet a friend had years ago 'You can notice my dust but please don't write in it.'

your'e not friends with my daughter are you?. she has the same problem.she was under social services for a while. and things cleared up and people came to help tidy. now she's not with them .things are back to what they were ,no amount of telling her works. should i contact social services or let things ride. she has cleared up the longe so the children can now walk around.and play.. but the rest of the house ,well its cluttered but she does have OCD .and its only been 2 years since her husband died.do i contact social services ?

Blimey, it sounds awful Lyndi - I have a friend who is similar but not so extreme.
We used to stay with her sometimes though we would rather have stayed in a B&B. She was very ebullient and gushed that we must stay with them.
To cap it all we'd be asked to remove our shoes! My house is a bit cluttered but like Buckingham Palace by comparison.

Lyndiloo, I can understand fully where you're coming from on this subject. The older I get, the less I like being in "cluttered" homes. I find that it's very much easier to clean a tidy house than a messy one, and I for one, do not need all that stuff, especially now that it's just the two of us, in a smaller home.

Can I make it quite clear that I don't just go to my friend's house, drink her wine, and be outspoken about the state of her house! We take 'get-together' nights in turn. And I would never dream of saying anything to her about her 'Messy House'. (Much less buy her a book on how to de-clutter - I think she'd hit me over the head with it!) I'm sure she's quite happy with how she is.

And, as I said in my original post, it's nothing to do with me. I just thought it might be interesting to know how you all felt about it.

Tiredoldwoman you have it spot on. I am one with a messy house and I am as you describe. And there are reasons behind it that other people may not know so do not judge. My best friends say they come to see me and not my house.

My neighbour, bless her, has a house that looks like a bombsite! However, she has a sign on the inside of her front door which says "It's not dirt, it's fairy dust"! She's so lovely and so kindhearted I have no problem visiting her. Must admit though, when I fed her cat for a few days when she was away, I did clean her kitchen up just a bit.

Is she short of storage space?
I have a dear friend who moved into a new flat a year ago and the corridors are still cluttered with boxes piled on top of each other, the kitchen tops are cluttered with gadgets, the bed is surrounded by boxes, all because she has nowhere else to put them.

My home is very average and, for me, average is perfection!

I was brought up by a mother with germ phobia, OCD, a cleaning/arranging obsession - we could never relax. Now, when I've cleaned and tidied a room, I deliberately 'untidy' something (some cushions on the floor, a blanket thrown on a chair or bed, photos scattered on a table, a basket of books by the fireplace etc.) to make it cosy and casual.

(btw, I see that Marie Kondo (having told folk to chuck nearly everything away) now has a very expensive online homewares shop!)

Dear Mr Wolf or Tommy if you prefer,
You seem to be a wolf in sheep's clothing who has accidently wandered into the Ladies loo to discuss 'Messy Houses'. This may have something to do with the presence of the horses, their meat or perhaps the artfully strewn orange peel. Who knows?

Most of the raging on Gransnet is due to the gnashing of teeth - our own or someone else's. Depends on whose were in the glass. We tend to be in bed in our flannelette nighties with a 'hottie' (now don't get excited it's aka a hot water bottle) by 11.10 on a Sunday night.

Hope you have a great night and are fit and fine for that two hour gym session tomorrow.
Love,
Grans

Oh dear you sound a very nice man Tommy but I think you’ve wandered onto the wrong site and into the wrong thread and won’t get too many offers from any of these feisty grans
Good luck in you quest for a new man and enjoy your Sunday night at the Horsemeat (is there really a place with that name or is someone having a laugh here) ????

I'm intrigued by the Horsemeat Disco....

@TommyWolf - perhaps you are new here but your post doesn't address Lyndiloo's opening post at all!

In fact I'm not sure that Gransnet is the correct place for your post at all!

I wish you well.

I don't have people round, but if a 'friend' gave me Marie Kondo's book I'd never be able to face them again.

Haha

Message deleted by Gransnet

I hate clutter and clear out all the time. But I’m a bit minimal on the cleaning. Do the bare minimum. It’s so boring!!

I wish I was like your friend rather than having to be neat and tidy. I too find untidy people much more relaxed. Leave her alone unless she tells you she hates the clutter. Then you can offer to help.

People live as they want ….something that the coroner brought home to me when my lovely brother was found dead of natural causes at home on his own ! He hoarded thousands of books, papers, records, you name it, he had it ….3 drawers full of socks (all new, still with labels on) kitchen cupboard full of Weetabix and coffee ….and the fridge and freezer packed with biscuits (not switched on !) I was embarrassed for him ...but the coroner said IT WAS HIS …..HIS ...LIFE AND THAT IS HOW HE CHOSE TO LIVE IT....not everyone has that chance so PLEASE, whilst your friend is alive, just let her get on with her life and don't try to change her unless she asks for help ! If you see rats or mice, that is a whole other problem of course and needs attention !

My friends have desribed my house as 'untidy' and said they're happy with it that way, which is just as well because if they made it sound like a criticism I'd tell them not to bother coming round again.
You know your friend well so you know whether or not she'd be offended by offers of help (personally I would), but I think the better option is to just accept the friend the way she is, if she hasn't said anything about wishing things were tidier then I think she's probably perfectly content with the way she's living.

Offer a helping hand, I was your friend at one stage, everything seemed so much to deal with and all I did was shop for everything and nothing, I could see I needed help but was embarrassed, now its clean and tidy it helps my head stay focused and healthy. !! be a friend and offer just say need a hand with ironing or keeping the clothes or putting stuff in the cupboard - believe me it helps a lot.

I don't think anyone has the right to criticise the state of another's home. I'm a messy dyslexic my wife is a logical tiedier, I ha 've to modify my behavior, somewhat, to keep her sane and she has had to modify around me so that I can tolerate being organised. Neither of us carry our behaviours or standards outside our home and work places, it is not our right to do so.

Can a house be “messy” and “spotlessly clean” at the same time? I don’t think so,