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Messy House

(136 Posts)
Lyndiloo Sun 01-Dec-19 02:16:57

I have a great friend, whom I love dearly, but her house is an absolute mess!

It's clean - as far as I can see - bathroom and kitchen are always spotless. But oh, the clutter everywhere!

All her kitchen worktops are covered with stuff which just doesn't belong there. Socks, make-up, jewellery, books, etc. The floors are crowded with carrier-bags, containing god-knows-what. The stairs have letters on them, more socks, shoes, money, toys. Even the downstairs loo houses the floor-mop, boxes of bottled-water, a bag of potatoes and bottles of wine.

Whenever I go to her house for one of our regular 'wine-nights' I find myself getting really uptight by all of the mess.

Of course, it's nothing to do with me. And I don't want to 'fix' her (to my standards). But if I had to live there for a week, I'd be bonkers!

crystaltipps Sun 01-Dec-19 06:40:17

I don’t see how the kitchen can be described as “spotless” when all the work surfaces are covered with socks, books etc and the floors covered in bags and boxes. I know people like this, but as you say you don’t have to live there and you don’t know the reasons behind all the clutter. Not your problem at the end of the day. Maybe give her Marie Kondos book for Christmas.

EllanVannin Sun 01-Dec-19 06:53:19

I know the feeling ! Over time some of us seem to gain so much " stuff " that it does become overwhelming and as time goes by you just accept there's a mess everywhere and end up not being bothered by it.

I'm sure it would help enormously, if you know the person well enough, to offer a bit of help in starting to clear things that shouldn't be there by asking if there's a " home " for these items, especially on the worktops where they would be easier to work on if they were left tidy.

It doesn't necessarily mean that a place is dirty it might just appear that way especially if space is limited and of course if there are other members in the family too.

QuaintIrene Sun 01-Dec-19 06:53:51

Well, if your friend is happy, then live and let live. Some houses are like that and honestly whilst no one would like to visit an insanitary hovel, it’s not like that from the sounds of it. Your friend might not appreciate a Marie Kondo book. It’s a bit judgemental to my mind.

wildswan16 Sun 01-Dec-19 07:00:56

You sound like a lovely friend. Just keep visiting and enjoying her company. We are all, thank goodness, different.

BlueBelle Sun 01-Dec-19 07:07:20

We re all different and although your way is to be neat as.a pin it’s obviously not her way She sounds a good friend who you are happy to visit regularly for wine nights so you obviously managed to ‘shut your eyes*’ to it for however long you ve been friends so why worry now
You say you love her dearly, so accept her for what she is or make sure you only meet round your neat and tidy house

I hope friends who visit me come to see me and not to criticise my house and for goodness sake don’t follow ellenVannin s advice of offering to help clear up what an insult, this is her way there is nothing in your post to suggest she is tun ragged and doesn’t have time or energy to tidy up its HER house and HER way Leave her alone to live as she is happy living

Grandma70s Sun 01-Dec-19 07:23:02

If there have to be extremes, very messy is preferable to excessively neat in my opinion. A happy medium would be better still, but mess really doesn’t matter as long as no real dirt is involved. Untidy people tend to be nicer than very tidy people, less judgemental and uptight, more relaxed and warmer.

EllanVannin Sun 01-Dec-19 07:34:45

"Untidy people tend to be nicer than very tidy people, less judgemental and uptight, more relaxed and warmer ".

Thankyou for those nice words Grandma70s.

A far cry from BlueBelle's bitter post about me being insulting. If a friend offered/told me about my clutter I'd agree and would be ever so grateful for help now and again as it built up.

tiredoldwoman Sun 01-Dec-19 07:41:06

If your friend reads this , she might clear you out first !
I'm a cleaner and my favourite house to go to is a messy one , the people are interesting , busy and warm hearted - I love it there !

Calendargirl Sun 01-Dec-19 07:45:32

If the bathroom and kitchen are spotless, which as another poster pointed out must be hard to assess if it’s so untidy, then it’s assumed the rest of the house is also clean underneath the mess. The OP chooses to go there for wine nights, so must be happy to drink out of the wine glasses. If that’s how the friend likes it, fair enough. I don’t think it’s polite to suggest clearing up, unless the friend seems unhappy and overwhelmed by it all, which is different, meaning she might like a bit of help.

Calendargirl Sun 01-Dec-19 07:47:58

Also Lyndiloo you say if you had to live there a week you would go bonkers. You don’t have to, it’s not your house!

eazybee Sun 01-Dec-19 07:48:40

I have a Matt cartoon pinned above my desk:
'Einstein had it right- if a cluttered desk means a cluttered mind, an empty desk means only one thing.'

Rejoice in your friend's mind.

Grammaretto Sun 01-Dec-19 07:49:13

I'm with EV on this one. I also have an extremely messy house (I hope not too dirty) and love it when someone offers to help tidy. We invite volunteers to stay and do jobs around the house and garden and they often want to start on the kitchen. Then I can't find anything.
I blame DH actually.

Maggiemaybe Sun 01-Dec-19 07:51:34

Your friend sounds happy with the way her house is. Unless you are worried about her becoming an out and out hoarder, I don’t see a problem. Perhaps she’s short of storage space? Our home is never completely tidy - I couldn’t live in a show house. It’s saved from being a proper mess because the mop, water, potatoes and wine are all out of sight down in the very useful cellar. blush

Oopsminty Sun 01-Dec-19 07:57:05

I have stuff. Not a hoarder. But plenty of stuff.

My friends know I'm not Mrs Tidy

They seem quite happy

It's none of your business.

If you don't like it, don't go round

EllanVannin Sun 01-Dec-19 08:03:19

I've been in places where you're afraid to cough or scared to sit down in case you ruffle the cushions, nice/neat they maybe, but they're certainly not homely comfortable nor friendly.

mumofmadboys Sun 01-Dec-19 08:16:54

Don't say a word. Accept her how she is.

JenniferEccles Sun 01-Dec-19 08:37:50

It’s always interesting to see how others live isn’t it? Sometimes even the most smartly dressed people can live in chaos at home!

I don’t like clutter around me in my own home- it would irritate me but I don’t comment when I visit a friend with an untidy house.

It just makes me grateful to get home to my calm tidy home though after my visit!

lavenderzen Sun 01-Dec-19 08:43:50

I wouldn't say anything, your friend may not even notice the mess. I always find it is an ongoing battle to keep stuff under control! I had a good tidy out of my wardrobe a month ago, but it doesn't seem much better when I look at it now.

You have a good friendship and that is to be treasured.

petra Sun 01-Dec-19 08:48:23

It's strange that there's a live and let live attitude when it's directed at people who 'like to collect stuff' 😉 but it's never live and let live when it comes to people who actually like their homes clutter free and tidy ( I do dislike that word) 😊

JenniferEccles Sun 01-Dec-19 08:59:06

It’s also a question of practicalities isn’t it ? If you live in a mess with stuff all around, HOW on earth do you find anything?

The other thing to remember is that when we are not here, our offspring will have to clear out our houses.

It will be a stressful enough task for them , let alone for those whose parents chose to live in chaos and clutter.

Something for those defending messy homes to think about perhaps?

Grammaretto Sun 01-Dec-19 08:59:29

Don't get me wrong petra. I dream of living in a minimalist house (not a shop window but clear enough to admire the carefully positioned artwork and see where things are) however, try as I may I cannot do it.
I was the same at school. In the 6th form we had studies (imagine that!) A girl next to mine had the most beautifully decorated study, colour coordinated and the walls covered with the photos and posters of her choice. She was a natural designer, whereas mine had piles of books, papers, shoes, food, boxes, knitting, more paper, paint brushes, and somehow there was no space to move. yet I was the artist and she went on to a career in science. Hey ho!

lemongrove Sun 01-Dec-19 09:03:42

I have plenty of ‘stuff’ but no ‘clutter’. I think of clutter as piles of things lying about everywhere ( in the wrong place.)
I can visit someone who has this untidy sort of house but would find it hard to stay with them.
Lyndi at least it’s clean!

sodapop Sun 01-Dec-19 09:04:20

Yes seems that way Petra I don't hoard things or have a lot of clutter but with three dogs and a cat its a full time job keeping the house clean.
I must admit to falling into Lyndiloo's camp, all that clutter would drive me mad.

crystaltipps Sun 01-Dec-19 09:12:31

I don’t think messy house = comfortable house or tidy house = uncomfortable house as some are suggesting. I find mess and clutter uncomfortable. We have friends where you find it difficult to find anywhere to sit as there are piles of music, bags of fabric, knitting, books,clothes, shoes on every surface. They always invite us round for a drink at Christmas so the clutter is added to by Christmas decorations. We always wonder whether anything has moved since the previous year. I find it extremely uncomfortable.