Sign of the times? No one offered me a seat.

That is awful, NanaandGrampy

It's such a difficult one, because as many of us have said, there are so many hidden disabilities that it is impossible to tell who 'deserves' a seat - I have already said that I have had filthy looks because I was sitting when others were standing, but my knees were killing me. Once, a 'gentleman' came right up to my seat, bent so that his face was level with mine and said 'You don't like standing, do you?' I was mortified, and had to fight back the tears. I can't tell you how many cutting replies I thought of too late, but I was just too taken aback at the time to do anything but cringe.

The real problem is that public transport is not properly funded. I think it should be a priority, as there are far too many cars on the roads, which is obviously bad for the planet and bad for road users, but I can understand why people use their cars if the alternative is a long journey standing up.

My experiences are the same as Henetha's.
It's usually a woman who gives up her seat for me. This is on a bus. It has happened many times.

Notanan, that is a problem indeed.

I gave up working solely because the commute was killing me ! I had to get the 06:15 train to be in with a chance of a seat . I had to be at the station by 6am to get one of the 5 disabled spaces in the entire car park. Surprising how often a flatbed lorry was parked across 2 of those spaces.

Quite often every seat on the train was taken including those designated for the disabled. A carriage full of workmen quite often. I would get on with my stick and amazingly everyone in the disabled seats would become focused on their phone because if they made eye contact they MIGHT be forced to offer me a seat. I simply couldn’t stand for a 45 minute journey . To be fair even 5 minutes was beyond me.

This wasn’t a one off.... this was day after day after day !

Coming home from the city I didn’t have a hope of getting a seat and I would estimate 75% of the time no one offered me one. I would have to get off the train after a couple of stops to sit for ten minutes before trying again.

So after a 60 hr week I had a commute in excess of 2 hrs each way each day ....solely because I’m disabled.

I think that’s unacceptable in this day and age, and whilst I might miss the cut and thrust of my job I don’t miss that commute one little bit.

henetha you must have 'the look' I have no idea what it is, but my sister had it. Even when she was quite young, people would offer to carry her bag or offer her a seat, while I struggled on with mine suitcase and stood in the aisle.

She did nothing to attract this attention, she just got it. She had tiny hands and feet and often wonder whether that somehow conveyed an air of fragility that my big daisy crushers didn't.

Alexa you can't tell by looking at people if they are well.

I always get on the priority seating coach , and if there are no seats and young people are sitting down, I announce in a loud voice “ these are priority seats, could someone let my husband ( 73yrs) sit down please. “
Always works , and then often I’m offered a seat too!

Yes, Calendargirl, sometimes it's the small gestures which stay with you rather than the rudeness we all sometimes encounter.

Wheniwasyourage

Mirroring your comment. Nearly 50 years ago we were following the hearse to the crematorium for my father’s funeral. We were travelling along a country road and a man, working in the fields, stopped what he was doing and lifted his cap until we had passed. No idea who he was, but it was just what my dad would have done himself.
Never ever forgotten that courteous sign of respect.
I was only 19, it meant a lot at the saddest time of my young life.

Everything seems a bit upside nowadays, ha ha. Having said that I have seen many occasions when people have given their seat to an older person. Maybe everybody was going a long way and didn't want to stand? Glad it didn't upset you though Pamela. Yes, I'm sure they thought you were young enough to stand! They were all giving you a compliment

Nearly always been offered a seat on the local buses when on holiday in Portugal and Madeira.

If anyone of any age feels unwell, or incapable of standing for any good reason such as having a small child with them, they can and should ask some young and fit looking young man, child, or woman to give them their seat. Even if the seat in question is not designated for elderly or disabled.

Calendargirl, I haven't met many men recently who were wearing hats at all (apart from woolly ones in the cold, and you wouldn't want to lift them!). However, I found it very touching when we were following the hearse to my father's funeral in the small, rather old-fashioned town where he lived and a number of men lifted their hats as we passed. I felt very grateful to them even though I had no idea who they were.

I must be particularly pathetic and ancient looking now because I often get offered a seat, carry my suitcase, etc.
I'm always touched by the kindness of strangers, and there's still quite a lot of it about.

When I was s child, little ones travelled free, and under 14s at half price. Now children pay full fare (not sure about toddlers). Over 60s travelled free, and now people have to wait until they are 67.

When there were so many concessionary fares, drivers (or conductors, back in the day) could insist on people giving up seats as a condition of the concession. There were signs to that effect on the buses.

Now, people are paying full fare (expensive where I live - £8 to the city from my hometown) and often see no reason to give up their seat. There are more older-but-not-old-enough-to-go-free people who might need a seat, and of course there are people of all ages with hidden disabilities.

Who is entitled to a seat, and who ‘should’ give theirs up is always going to be a judgement call.

I do feel that if people are using passes they should be considerate about travelling at peak times. Commuters are likely to be tired after a full day at work, and buses are full anyway. When lots of seats are taken by older shoppers with lots of bags, it perhaps makes commuters less likely to want to give up a seat. Travelling off peak would make having a seat of your own more likely anyway, and free up a space for those with no choice.

A mother standing when her toddler sits is teaching consideration, rather than entitlement, IMO. The stronger person stands, and the weaker sits. I would have put mine on my lap, true, but there may have been a reason why this wouldn’t work for that mother and child.

I think we should be less ready to judge one another. We don’t always know what is happening in others’ lives.

I love it if I meet a man wearing a hat or cap, and he lifts it when he says good morning. Makes me feel special. A simple, courteous, old fashioned gesture, yes, but much appreciated by me at any rate.

I travel on Birmingham trams too, Blinko. I’ve seen people refuse when offered a seat. Wouldn’t be surprised if that person never offers again. But what really gets my goat is the parents who put their children on a seat and then stand themselves. Even toddlers, who could easily sit on a lap. To my mind, this is teaching entitlement.

When my hair was grey Young men often gave up their seat for me
But since I’ve coloured it blonde dosen’t happen
Guess I must look younger !!!

I was never offered a seat on rush hour tube commuting when massively pregnant 29 years ago. And on a bus wrestling stupid massive box containing child car seat. So ignorance is ageless. Except was offered one the other day. Maybe grey hair helps. ?

The Chinese students on the bus that serves the university usually offer me a seat but several times I have found a young person sitting on one of the front seats that have a priority sign for the elderly but sitting on the outside of the seat so no access to the window seat. And seemingly oblivious. Often the students have loads of luggage which take up seats. They usually have their ears blocked up so conversation is impossible.

The older gentlemen still hold the door open, give up seats, even stand up when a lady approaches the table. I used to know such a gent when I was much younger but I still accepted/refused with a smile and a thank you. Nowadays a lot of women scorn such old fashioned manners, so a man is no longer sure his actions will be appreciated.

I am 69 and very able bodied , and I give up my seat if necessary to anyone who looks to need it. As would my son, my daughter ..... and recently my 12 year old grandson , when I was with him on a bus. One nod from me was enough to remind him of his manners! We all need reminding of our manners.... I have no compunction in doing it!

Meant 'good manners' are thoughtful n considerate

While I often get offered n take the seat gratefully I'd always offer it to an older/frail person.
Lack of manners really annoys me. It's thoughtful and considerate.
Yes, many disabilities are hidden but too many rude people about. Parents with children??? Taking many seats. Not toddlers either.
Our son would offer his seatnplys open doors. He has seen us do so, learned at school also (the door thing). Dh has asked him to open car door for me, take shopping and I've drilled it in to him that some girls might dismiss such manners but they love being treated well too. It works both ways of course. I'd hold a door open for anyone. Always thank the holder too

4allweknow, I do hope you never suffer from a hidden disability. There are a lot of people around whose disability is not obvious to others

As for your silly remarks about women. I have in the past happily offered, and would still offer, a seat to man where it is clear that he needs a seat more than I do. That has included men who were clearly not well, fathers with young children and, once, a man trying to stand on a bumpy tube while carrying a very large heavy manual typewriter.

As far as I am concerned, gender doesn't come into it, it is whether the person, clearly needs a seat more than I do. A heavily pregnant woman needs a seat. Try walking around and using public transport with 2 stones of baby and gubbins strapped to your body at the front.