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Sign of the times? No one offered me a seat.

(94 Posts)
PamelaJ1 Tue 17-Dec-19 08:29:02

I had to sit on the floor of the carriage on my return from Kings Cross on Sunday.
This wasn’t a problem. I positioned myself by the bit where the carriages connect, the space by all the doors was jam packed.
I sat on my coat and tucked my legs behind the back seat.
Luckily I am fairly fit and can get up and down quite easily.
On looking around the half of the carriage that I could see I noticed that I was the oldest occupant😱. I think that’s a first!

Not one of the young people offered me a seat. There were lots of young people, the first stop is Cambridge.
I’m not complaining, just commenting. Maybe I should be flattered that they thought I was fit enough?
I don’t think that I would have felt comfortable back in the day if the position was reversed.

Harris27 Tue 17-Dec-19 08:36:10

I would say it’s nit a sign if the times as I have a son 33 who gives his seat up regularly if someone of a certain age needs it. He said he’s often the only one to do so but couldn’t sit and watch someone else need it. Maybe I just have a well brought up son but I’m biased.

inkcog Tue 17-Dec-19 09:00:38

I don't thin it's necessarily and " age thing". Stuff which seems like very basic courtesy to me.,holding a door open, saying Good Morning and so on seems to have been abandoned by many.
There are some real rude oldies out there!

Humbertbear Tue 17-Dec-19 09:26:35

People will give up their seats on the tube but not on mainline trains. Don’t forget that on the tube you can always ask people in the seats designated for the disabled/ elderly/ pregnant to move

CoolioC Tue 17-Dec-19 09:32:14

People with their earplugs rammed in their ears seem totally self obsessed and oblivious to those around them.

I don’t think I would have put my coat on the floor!

Septimia Tue 17-Dec-19 09:34:56

I think it is common sense as well as courtesy to give up your seat - to someone who is less able to stand than you are.

So I wouldn't necessarily stand up for someone my own age (retired) if they seemed capable of standing (yes, it can be difficult to tell sometimes) but I would for someone who was pregnant, managing small children, or on crutches, regardless of their age.

And I agree with inkcog.

GrannyGravy13 Tue 17-Dec-19 09:36:09

We travelled home on the C2C line last year approx 9pm, Mr.Gravy, myself, D and GS (3yrs old). The train was overcrowded and GS was exhausted, we passed us between the three of us for the entirety of the journey.

No eye contact with other passengers, all engrossed in their tablets/phones with earphones in.

GrannyGravy13 Tue 17-Dec-19 09:36:53

Sp!!! him not us

Teetime Tue 17-Dec-19 09:39:56

We do seem to have lost a lot of the basic courtesies and social niceties but there are still very nice people around. We both make sure we continue with them and find that we get some in return. What goes around comes around lets not give up on social manners.

GrannyGravy13 Tue 17-Dec-19 09:43:11

Totally agree teetime

(I must sign off from GN and do some jobs????)

Ellianne Tue 17-Dec-19 09:52:14

I agree with Humbertbear that people always give up their seat on the tube but never on the train. Is it to do with the distance? Not necessarily because across London takes a good hour, that's longer than London to Cambridge. Is it because people have reserved their seats and it's their right? And I have to say it is the young foreign gentlemen who are the first to offer, not that I look particularly old.

NotSpaghetti Tue 17-Dec-19 10:08:34

My husband has had people say very unpleasant things to him on holding a door open for someone behind him !
He is a generous, public spirited person and would hold a door open for anyone.

polnan Tue 17-Dec-19 10:11:35

well I don`t use trains very often, but when I used one very recently, Chippenham to Bath,, got caught up in the rush hour, and a lovely man offered me his seat immediately, he was of ... how to say it nowadays, not white British! lovely man...young man

next journey, Bath to Chippenham, rush hour again, and two young ladies insisted I had their seat!

can only comment as I find

Silverlady333 Tue 17-Dec-19 10:12:16

Ha ha I was on the London underground with my friends last month. We were only going one stop. My friend managed to grab a seat and I stood. A young woman offered me her seat as she said she was only going one stop. I thanked her and said there was no need as we were only going one stop too. When we got off the tube I turned to my friend and said' I think it is about time I dyed my hair again! I am only 64!

GrandmaMoira Tue 17-Dec-19 10:13:25

I have found that people do offer a seat on the train. I was given one recently when the rush hour train was extra crowded due to delays/cancellations. There are seats marked for people with disabilities/difficulty standing though this tends to be ignored.
Daytime bus users can be polite but I used to find that in the rush hour no-one offers a seat on the bus.

4allweknow Tue 17-Dec-19 10:18:43

PamelaJ1 You did a Greta Thunburg! Picture at the weekend of her sitting on the floor of a train in Germany all posed apparently. If anyone saw it I wondered how on earth she managed to fit all that luggage on the yacht she used for sailing to and fro America. In UK if someone looks fit and able I wouldn't offer ny seat no mater age. And, sorry not even a pregnant female. I am so fed up of women shouting about how they are just as capable if not more than males that I say - let them get on with it. Gone are the says of courtesy. Yes, earplugs, and you can ignore the world around you.

Lilyflower Tue 17-Dec-19 10:19:08

I was offered a seat on the Tube the other night. I was gutted. I'm only 63 and, I thought, relatively fit and not too old looking for my age.

BusterTank Tue 17-Dec-19 10:20:03

I went on a shopping trip with my daughter . As the train doors opened , grown men pushed past us , So they could get a seat . So we stood for an hour journey laden with bags , why they sat there quite smug . I wonder how they would feel if someone did that to there mother ?

sunseeker Tue 17-Dec-19 10:21:41

I was shopping recently and a young boy (about 10) held the door open for several people (of various ages) going through - when I went through I smiled and thanked him - his mother who was standing waiting for him said the only people who thanked him were "old people". I hope he doesn't lose his good manners because of those who are so wrapped up in themselves they don't notice when someone does something for them.

It is the little things which make all the difference

Nanny27 Tue 17-Dec-19 10:24:04

I was recently on a very crowded train, standing. A lady who was seated beside me got up to get off and gestured to me to have her seat. I was half way in when young lad of about 15 tried to push into the seat saying that he had been standing longer than me. I gave him my best icy glare (as I sat down) and told him not to be so rude.

dragonfly46 Tue 17-Dec-19 10:30:35

Slightly off topic but I have just been shouted at in M&S carpark by an old man because I had parked next to his car and he couldn't get in. I was right up against the post and well over the line but the problem was he had a low two seater sports car with big doors. He told me I was rude and ignorant. I always check my parking so I was quite upset but just wished him a Happy Christmas. Chivalry is certainly dead.

GeorgieKay Tue 17-Dec-19 10:35:18

No one ever offers me a seat and I am tempted to flash my freedom pass and shout pensioner grin I am hoping it's because I look young and fit grin

Chucky Tue 17-Dec-19 10:39:01

I was shopping last week. As it was lunch time there were a lot of teenage school children in the supermarket. I stepped back with my trolley to let about 8 through, not one of them said thank you. I was in another aisle and stopped to look at clothes which were in the middle of the aisle. A middle aged couple came up my side of the aisle, the other side was empty. I moved with my trolley to the end of the rack of clothes and stood there waiting for them to come through. Despite seeing me waiting they stopped and looked at the clothes, then moved past me without a word. I did say something under my breath about manners and got a filthy look, but still no thank you. Then, further round the shop there were a group of people chatting away, blocking 2/3 of the aisle (a pet hate of mine). An elderly lady was coming towards me so I reversed to let her through. Guess what, no thank you from her either! In fact the only thank you I got was from a young woman with 2 children.

It does seem like common courtesy has disappeared in all age groups, including in many cases the elderly.

Doodledog Tue 17-Dec-19 10:44:24

I would give up a seat for someone of any age or gender who appeared to need it more than I do.

The trouble is that we can't always see who needs it. I have arthritis in my knees, and sometimes I am in a lot of pain, but I don't use a stick, so I look fit and well (I am 60, so between old and young, I suppose). I have lost count of the dirty looks I've had on public transport from people who think I am sitting whilst someone less able is standing. I am paying for a seat, and shouldn't have to explain my situation to anyone else.

I have also found that it is older people rather than young ones (if we are generalising) who are very rude on public transport. Shutting (or opening) windows without asking people if they mind, putting bags on seats, pushing past queues to get a seat etc.

There is one older lady who gets on the bus near me. She has a walking frame, and needs to have a seat that will accommodate that (ie an outside seat or one near the gap meant for a wheelchair/buggy). Fine. But she arrives a second before the bus is due, when others have been waiting for ages, literally pushes through the waiting passengers so she is right at the front, and takes that space for herself.

IMO, whereas she has an absolute right to sit there if there is a seat available, and if someone is in an accessible seat they should move to a different one to let her have it, she does NOT have an automatic right to a seat if the bus is full, and nobody should have to wait for the next one in order to let her get on. If she is too late for a seat, she should wait for the next one (there is seating in the bus station), and either way, she should wait her turn to get on the bus in the first place. I have seen her ask (tell) a mum with a toddler and buggy to get off the bus so that she can sit down, which I think is outrageous: 'You'll have to get off - I need to sit here so there is room for my frame, and your buggy's in the way'. Another passenger managed to move the pram so that they could both use the space, but come on!

I realise that she is just one older (and rude) person, but I'm not sure that age is always relevant - it's about understanding that we don't always know who is more in need, and that there are young people who need to sit too.

Magicmaggie Tue 17-Dec-19 10:48:49

Good for you Nanny27👍🏻
I have had a young woman give up her seat to me on an
overcrowded train this year when I was standing.
It’s always appreciated when it does happen.