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For couples ... sleep together or sleep apart? ?

(123 Posts)
Urmstongran Tue 24-Dec-19 00:18:13

Sleep is the most selfish thing that we can do. You can’t share your sleep with anybody, so why share your bed?

Double?
Singles?
Separate rooms perhaps?

We share a bed in the U.K. but not out in Spain - we have two singles - for many months it’s so darned hot!

Which do you choose?

Scentia Tue 07-Jan-20 18:11:28

We sleep in the same bed, we do have separate bathrooms however. (This is a must!) I miss my DH if he is away and cannot sleep at all.
I also love the midnight wake up for ‘shenanagins’, that would never happen if he had to come to my boudoir across in the west wing?

Jane10 Tue 07-Jan-20 17:33:41

Saw this cartoon in The Oldie and thought of this thread...

HappyBumbleBee Tue 07-Jan-20 17:17:17

I've always been a snorer and it's something hubby has got used to/been able to sleep through, but now I'm finding between his snoring and passing wind ? I'm getting less and less sleep and it's starting to drive me nuts! I feel a bit bad, because I know I snore, and can be quite loud. But it's never seemed to bother him. I can definitely see us having separate bedrooms in the future - something I would never have even thought about when we were younger!

jura2 Tue 07-Jan-20 16:35:41

Even better, we have two 4'5 doubles put together - brilliant smile

BlueSky Tue 07-Jan-20 16:32:08

A super king bed solved the problem. We are together but apart. At times we've got to check we are both still in bed as it's difficult to know!

threexnanny Tue 07-Jan-20 15:27:11

We sleep together and at first allowed the cat to join us, but the cat getting on and off the bed (using me as a springboard) interrupted my sleep. Then there was the night he'd been out and caught something and brought onto our bed to show us!

Gagagran Tue 07-Jan-20 14:54:55

I'm a lark who only sleeps fitfully and DH isn't so we changed to separate rooms and it is wonderful to have a big bed to myself where I can stretch out, read in the night when I can't sleep and not have to listen to snoring.

We do have visiting rights to each other's boudoirs and we are both happy with the arrangement. We introduced it after 50+ years of sharing a bed and a room when both of our sleeps were increasingly being disturbed by the other.

It's what suits each couple that matters and what others think about it doesn't matter at all.

lucywinter Tue 07-Jan-20 14:30:05

Together. And long may it continue.

acanthus Tue 07-Jan-20 11:19:34

In my class of young women taking deportment lessons (ha ha) how we laughed at our rather grand teacher who recommended to we 'gels' that separate rooms were advisable. Now after 50+ years of marriage (happy I should add) how I agree with her. Separate rooms and separate bathrooms - bliss!

beebouncy Fri 27-Dec-19 22:07:29

Can't Imagine having seperate beds or rooms
Even though he follows me around the bed we are both so cuddly and it's an important part of us.
So defo same bed

eebeew Thu 26-Dec-19 06:47:19

Funny thing is people seem to think it’s odd to have separate rooms. In the past only the poor shared beds so perhaps it is a hangover from the past. The Queen has always had her own room!

eebeew Thu 26-Dec-19 06:42:42

Separate rooms. I’m restless and listen to audios to get ( with EarPods) to get to sleep. He is a light sleeper and I disturb him. I do miss the closeness but he isn’t really a very cuddly person so I’m sure he doesn’t miss it!

melp1 Wed 25-Dec-19 22:52:46

Start off together but hubby often wakes & moves into another room to read.

Bluebird64 Wed 25-Dec-19 07:31:18

We have an Ikea super-king-size bed (£150 from a friend!) and have two separate mattresses, great as I like a cuppa around 6am and it doesn't disturb my light-sleeper husband. I like the Scandinavian practice of having two separate duvets as well - he's often too hot at night and I feel the cold, so neither has to put up with the other's preference. And our shaggy Lurcher dog, who takes up the space of at least another person, has never complained!

Claudiaclaws Wed 25-Dec-19 00:48:56

We have separate rooms due to health reasons. I have to say I love having my own big bedroom and big bed. DH sleeps in the little roon with all his computer bits and seems quite happy.

Jennyluck Tue 24-Dec-19 23:51:10

Sleep together in a king size bed. But would love a room of my own ?
I’m a really bad sleeper , so would love the luxury of being awake in the middle of the night and not disturbing my husband.

Fenton95 Tue 24-Dec-19 22:58:43

Not had any action for a while now! And different sleep patterns so I would like separate bedrooms. Sounds like bliss.

However, it may reduce any intimacy even further which would be a shame.

Tiny1 Tue 24-Dec-19 21:19:28

I am appreciating every time I feel his arm around me, every breath. One day it won’t be here. ?

Tedber Tue 24-Dec-19 20:35:53

Funny question Urmstongran...

Before I married at 21 I could never ever imagine sharing a room never mind a bed with anyone else! When I got married, I still felt same but all my friends said same " Too odd to have separate bedrooms" We didn't and I got used to sharing my bed...eventually!

When my husband died I simply could not get 'used' to sleeping alone!

Eventually, I did!

THEN got married again - many years later! Thought I would never get used to sharing a bed again! But... we do share same bed although it is huge and the mattress doesn't move if one of us does so no worries there.

I don't think it matters so long as everyone is happy and gets the sleep they need.

Ninarosa Tue 24-Dec-19 20:32:08

Spark ? Granny Activist. Mine fizzled out long ago. We have a superking bed, my half of the duvet is 13.5 , his is 6.5. Most mornings I wake up more than a little peed off with him for some nighttime misdemeanour, and I include the obvious marital shenanigans in this. There are just so many ways his nocturnal leanings annoy me, where as I'm the perfect bedfellow.

Fennel Tue 24-Dec-19 20:26:31

First , I envy you who sleep in the same bed, with cuddles etc when you feel like it. I think it's the ideal way if we're lucky enough to still be together in old age.
That's one of the main comforts of marriage.
We have separate beds since some of my health problems, and his now.But I do miss the closeness of a shared bed.

Caro57 Tue 24-Dec-19 20:21:55

Would love separate rooms but get grumbled at even if I move when I can’t sleep and want to sit up and read!

rosieod1 Tue 24-Dec-19 20:04:57

With you on that one Tigertooth ,Yuck indeed

glammagran Tue 24-Dec-19 20:01:15

I estimate we have a 60/40 arrangement. DH snores for Britain some nights but not others. Some nights I have perhaps kicked or pushed him 50 times. I can’t sleep anywhere other than in my own bed. He’s asleep within seconds whereas I’m a very restless sleeper. He’s got better at predicting when he’s most likely to have to sleep in the Snoratorium. I kicked him out of the en-suite to the main bathroom earlier this year. Got fed up with toothpaste spray all over the mirror, in the basin, water everywhere. Downside is there’s 2 lots of bedding to see to.

Barmeyoldbat Tue 24-Dec-19 19:39:14

Same room, same double bed, well most the time. I won't sleep in the spare room anymore as the mattress is to soft for and my back aches. So Mr Barmey will often move during he night to the spare bed bed because of me being restless, him not being able to sleep or for some other reason. At the moment we have been in separate rooms for about 6 weeks, first due to me with chest infection, cold and cough and now Mr B has it so he still there.

When we were away recently we slept in a 6 ft wide bed and Mr B said he would text me when he wanted a cuddle.