Was I a hard mother?

I did/do exactly the same.
Dc`s both left home and have dc`s of their own and never once complained of what they had to do.
They always tell me they love me so I have no regrets at all
You are a wonderful mother/wife.

Mothers do their sons (or daughters) no favours by doing everything for them. My husband was in the military for many years and it is written, in the 'Queen's rules and regs' for the military, that each member of the armed forces are responsible for looking after their own kit. Who am to argue with the queen - husband ironed his own shirts!

Good for you!! I taught both my boys to iron at about 11 when they started secondary school.
I remember an evening at a Scout group meeting when the leader said to the assembled parents- I wish more of you would do as Mrs B does & teach their offspring to look after their own clothes. Mrs B's boys sew on their own badges!!
I was mortified at the time but looking back I did them
( & their future wives) a big favour!!
They could both cook before they left home too & now I am teaching my grandsons to cook real food. My eldest GS (15) cooks for all his girlfriends & they love his ( my recipe) Chinese Chicken!

My son, once taught to iron his shirts, would not allow me to do them as I 'didn't do it well enough'. I do iron the occasional shirt for DH if we are going somewhere socially but he wears fleece lined ones otherwise, which don't need ironing, or jumpers. The creases seem to drop out of our trousers as soon as we put them on....don't they?

What prompted my post was neighbour who was still ironing sons's shirts, but friends have often commented (not complaining) about needing to make sandwiches for quite old children's lunches (no school meals where I live). Also I noticed that many university students bring bags of dirty washing home, expecting it washed and dried for them after the the weekend. When mine went off, I told them to figure out the washing machine where they were staying, or do it themselves when home!

Anyway, my "hardness" is a sort of family joke - they boast to their friends about how they had to do things for themselves - so they don't hold it against me! They are all competent, independent adults - eldest son loves cooking and from a young age used to make himself "designer" sandwiches.

As a child and teenager my sister and I were expected to help in many ways - and there is nothing wrong with that, but it went too far. We were doing the lions share by the time we were in our mid teens, and schoolwork suffered. I know I resented it and think 10 is too young to be entirely responsible for ironing their clothes. It's not too young to be shown how to do tasks and be involved - to help.
I found myself, despite working full time, doing the heavy lifting of the domestic side of life and being ambitious for them to do well at school by having time to do their homework and grafting for exams. By the time they went to university they were able to cope with looking after themselves and have gone on to do well in life.

Farmor1 You sound fine to me. I wonder if that friend who is ironing shirts for men of 20+ would be doing it if she had female children? Any future partners of those lads won't be delighted to find they still expect a woman to be their domestic servant. Time to grow up, boys!

You sound perfectly reasonable to me.
I remember a school teacher at my daughter’s primary telling me off as my DD aged probably 7 or 8 said she made her own pack up and ironed her own school uniform. I was told that I was being cruel by the teacher, I told her to keep her nose out of home business and concentrate on getting my daughter to learn her times tables!!!
My DD was making dinner for 4 including Christmas Lunch for 8 by the time she was 10.

She is a mum herself now and I hope she will show her children how to look after themselves too.

My DS has always been able to do stuff too, although he did used to pay my DD to do his ironing and still, at 27 pays a company to do it? more money than sense I would say!!! He does all the cleaning and cooking in his home as his partner was never taught how to.

My sister said I was a hard mother as I did the same as you. Son only ironed collar and front of his school shirt as blazer covered the rest. My eldest also said I was a bad mother for making them do things. When they all left home they could cook and look after themselves. My nephew used to bring laundry home for his mother to do after he left home. There is a saying. M is for mother not maid.

Thank heavens for Jacquil posting about two sons"..........
I have three offspring.
Never over fussed any, I refused to be a slave to any kind of housewife kind of role as much as enjoyed cooking it was a shared role.
My eldest is hopeless to the point his partner accused me of not training him to do anything in the home at all ?‍♀️
My second is amazing ?
My youngest is a mixture.
They are all capable but really.... share the duties don’t get hung up on who can do what.

I came from a family where the mum stayed home and did everything for her family. I emulated that and did everything for mine, but I did work, at one stage 50 to 60 hours weekly as a nurse and we had an au pair who did the ironing and a share of the housework. Ive always done everything in the house, and am happy to do it. My kids though all grew up, became excellent cooks, all pull their weight in the house with cleaning and domestic chores. I cant sit for long, I like being busy, love cooking, enjoy cleaning. I still work, I do pretty much everything for my husband who is retired. Old dogs and new tricks. He has never cooked or cleaned a bath...he is in his 70s and I cant be bothered to try and teach him. If I die first he will no doubt get in a housekeeper.

If your adult children are happy and in control of their lives you taught them well. Over pampering to children is unnecessary. I prefer to tumble and shake rather than iron for most clothing and sheets. My dh irons his own shirts.

My daughters started ironing their own clothes at about 14 mainly because I hate ironing! I probably wouldn’t have trusted mine with an iron at 10 ??‍♀️
They had lunch at school, so packed lunches weren’t an issue. But I remember them doing their own packing for school trips and holidays from around the same age.
I did let them all help with cooking from a young age which they all still love.
I don’t think you were hard at all.

Its ok for your kids to do their ironing but I think I'd have been inclined to make it fairer by making the DH iron his as well. I don't think it's chores that kids resent into the future, but perceived unfairness.

Yes I’d say hard, but then I was soft. Although I’d do the same over again!

I was the same. Children did their own ironing from about 13 (I was working full time). DS still has a faint scar on abdomen when he was ironing topless and somehow ironed his own stomach. He is also a most excellent cook!

I remember when my daughter was in year 6, so 9/ 10 years old. They used to go swimming every week with the school. One week, one of her classmates sat in spectators, not swimming. It’s because he had a burn on his arm from ironing.

My kids never did any chores. I believe that your childhood is the only time in your life when you don't have any responsibilities and you should enjoy it. You can always learn boring stuff like ironing when you need to. Both my kids have coped without learning these skills as children. I couldn't boil an egg when I got married but I soon learnt. Probably a different story with 5 kids though

Well I had four grannyrebel17, and I totally agree with you. There’s plenty of time for them to be adults. Childhood is precious.

I didn't really want my DC to get jobs but they did - paper rounds, Saturday jobs etc.
They were all supposed to be responsible for tidying their rooms and, when they were older, keeping them clean and sometimes washing up after a meal.

But if I'd started burdening them more by making them do their own washing and ironing etc. there wouldn't have been time for homework, for sports and other activities.

They were sometimes keen to help cook, they were certainly not helpless, but it was voluntary.

I know how lucky I was to be able to be a full time mother from choice. My DH ran a business and also held down another full time job so in effect I had to do all the parenting/school runs etc on my own. Having a large family I was really busy with them all, but felt that as I was at home and they were all out at work or school, I should do the bulk of all the chores. It all worked out really happily and now the children look after me!

My children were doing their own ironing at a similar age. Interestingly my daughter, now the mother of two girls, rarely irons anything but my son does still do his own shirts. No, in answer to your question ‘ was I a bad mother’ ? Not as bad as me, I was the only mother in the West Midlands who wouldn’t let her daughter have her ears pierced and took board off them when they started work, really, really bad!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Farmor15 you taught your children well, from an early age. Well done.

Some children leave home these days and can't do a thing for themselves.

My children very self sufficient and independent. I must admit although being a single mother, I made their sandwiches and did their ironing until they left home at 22 and 26. Occassionally they used to iron things and would often cook if they wanted to. I taught my son to repair and put things together, he used to mow the lawns from about 12 because he wanted to. My daughter from about 12 used to clean and tidy her own room and change her bedding. I don't think I was an awful mother but can't have been a very good one as we are not close.