Moving in with my mum

Sandy2020, I'm just so pleased that you have managed to escape an abusive relationship. Any challenges you face by living with your mum will undoubtedly pale into insignificance. Good luck and get on with your new life. x

Play it by ear. 70 isnt particularly old - she might meet someone or you might and that could affect living arrangements.

50 and 70. That is very young to be making decisions like this. However bruised you may feel now, it is still possible that you will meet someone else and have a happy relationship and you mother will probably be healthy and well for another decade or more before she needs any kind of health.

When I was nearly 70, DD was 40 and DH was working abroad for a couple of months, DD moved in for three months while between houses. It was great, we had fun, but I was very happy to see her move out and back to her own home.

I’m 80. I love both my daughters to bits, and got on fine with them, but don’t want them to live with me. I like to be free to do what I want when I want.
When I had my hip replacement the daughter who lives near me kept popping in, and fussing around me. “Let me do that. Be careful. Are you ok? Do you need anything?” I was grateful for her help, but felt smothered by the attention. I was glad when things got back to normal again.
I’m glad that you got out of your bad relationship, and your Mum will be glad to take you in until you sort yourself out, but she may not want, or need you as a permanent resident. Talk things over with her, and be prepared for a change of heart from either of you. Finding accommodation nearby may be a better option, and perhaps you could then reclaim your dog, which I’m sure you must miss.

Phoebes I was going to ask the same question!!

I’m surprised no one else has!

Lol I'm 50

70 is the new 50

I think the mum is 70 varian ?

If my 70 year old daughter moved in with me when I was 94, that would be a different situation from having a 56 year old daughter moving in with me when I was 70

Are you now 70 * SANDY2020* or is that your mum?

Not far from 70- and as much as I absolutely love my daughters- NO I would not like to share my home with them for a long period of time. One of them returned after Uni for about a year- and we had a great time. and one of them returned from Spain after a terrible, confidence bashing, manipulative and then violent realtionship - and again- it was great to be here for her. We had a great few months - but I am so glad she went on her way- become independent and now, in a great relationship and happy.

Bonne chance - but I would give it a few months and then re-assess- and see it both both pov and honestly.

I think she means she’s paying some Bills, food etc, Phobes

Who is Bill and why are you paying for his food?

Thanks all I prefer this site to mums not more mature and positive answers xx

I m sorry I don’t think 3 months is long enough to see if it will work or not I think it should be much longer and also things will change you may get another partner your mum may need more help than you can manage There are so many permutations
I d give yourself at least 6 months but better still go year by year
Giving away your dog may be a big mistake already you ve made a big sacrifice to ‘fit in’ Take care in this one I would stick my head out and say for every successful story there will be a dozen unsuccessful

Another vote for biding your time. Move in - heal your wounds but don't commit. You never know what is in store in the grand scheme of things for you. You may meet another partner? How would you feel if your mother hated them? Didn't want them in the house but you didn't feel you could move out as you "had promised".

It is never easy moving back home no matter how well you get on.

One of mine has yo-yo'd a few times and although would never turn her away - I always try to encourage her to find her own place (actively found for one for her) We get on wonderfully and see each other most days but living under same roof wasn't ideal for either of us!

I loved my mum to bits too but we both knew we couldn't live together full time, permanently.

Good luck and btw you WILL sort your life out again.

I agree with Laurely! Not all 70s year old (it's no age at all!) would want an AC living with them for long. It will definitely warrant some serious discussion, on both sides.

I am 70. I have just had my daughter (and toddler, and then her husband) to stay for three nights - their house has workmen in it. They left after lunch yesterday. It was lovely - and I was exhausted, sleeping away the afternoon. I am sure your mother is very pleased to help you escape and recover from an abusive relationship, but it doesn't follow that she wants an adult daughter in her home permanently. (Seventy isn't particularly old.) It is always helpful to know how long people intend staying. My point: have the discussion beforehand, or very early on. Think about this: if you meet someone you like, will you be comfortable sleeping together at your mum's?

how about a trial period say three months .then if mum or you not happy .you have your answer..i would never get rid of my pet....yor dog gve you unconditional love and you foist it on someone else. love me love my dog.....maybe mum doesnt want a baby sitter ,have you asked her?

Robin!!!lol

Thanks all some things to think about !I've got rid of my dog she hates it although upset shes gone to a good friend well going Robin trying to be considerate!!

Its a big decision sandy so one step at a time would be my approach. I imagine at the moment you are just so relieved and excited to be escaping an abusive relationship (I can't say a big enough well done for achieving that) there could be an element of rose coloured glasses. If you and your Mum haven't discussed it I would suggest see how the first six months go and then have a chat. Your instinct to care for your Mum as she ages is wonderful but don't forget you deserve a life and as many people here can attest caring for someone, even someone you love, is far from easy. Wishing you both well, its a new chapter, take is slowly.

Just take it slowly, each day as it comes. Hope it goes well for you both?

This is the other way round. My Mum, 95, moved in with ME. I absolutely hate it. She's little trouble and mostly stays in her room BUT I feel so trapped! So hard to get away, so many arrangements to make, carers coming in all the time.... so much extra housework and cooking. My advice is only stay with your Mum until you are able to be independent again. Then try to be NEAR her but not under the same roof. It's very difficult, as people age, for the younger person to cope. Most days I could cry.

At least, if you make it temporary to begin with, you have an easy way to leave if you find that it doesn't suit you. It might not work for your mum either. It's difficult to share space when you've been used to living alone.