Moving in with my mum

Why not see how it goes first? Unless there's a reason you need to discuss it now? I'm sure your mother won't expect you to commit to a "forever" stay at this point.

But well done you for getting out!
I do hope you are feeling yourself soon.
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I agree with above post. Definitely a trial period to begin with. Hope it goes well for you both.

I would imagine the reality of such a situation is that once you move in, you will be such a wonderful companion and support to your Mum, and she to you, that you will not want (or be easily able) to leave. Especially as she gets older.

So be very sure you are doing the right thing before you move.
Discuss it all with her before you move.

Decide what you want from the situation : some privacy, the ability to socialise outside the home if you feel like it; how much to pay fairly towards the household and so on.

If you are absolutely sure your Mum's personality and yours are compatible, it will probably work just fine and you can change and refine things later.

Personally, when my Mum moved in with me, prior to finding and buying her own home, it was a disaster.

I was tearing my hair out in the first 2 weeks but we made it through 6 months and there were sighs of relief all round when we were once more in our own domains.

One of my daughters moved in when her long relationship broke up. It was fine we get on well she contributed to bills and took care of all her food washing etc. But having lived away for 20+ yrs it was a bit like living in a bed sit for her and it was a relief when she was able to move out 3 yrs later. She felt she couldn’t have friends around and spent a lot of time in her room as she didn’t want me to feel she was imposing on me. I’m the same age as your Mum and honestly it was nice to have my daughter around but I like my home to myself. I hope it works out how you hope.

Tanith I so agree with you it may be a flowers and unicorns situation, but it may not and I think it’s by far the best NOT to make any definite decisions about this Start with it as a temporary situation and see how it goes, sometimes the very very best of relationships can spoil if too close
I don’t really see what advantage or need there is in discussing and deciding before you’re actually there
It doesn’t have to be one or the other unless your mum is insisting on knowing (and it doesn’t sound as if she is) So move in, enjoy being with Mum and see how it goes
Good luck

As above really Sandy2020 don't commit to anything long term at this stage. Give yourself time to recover and for you and your Mum to get used to the new living situation.
I hope things work out for you both.

See how it goes. She could be independent for another 20 years, who knows what your situation will be by then.

You are no doubt beefing very bruised just now and how lovely to have your mother to help you get on your feet again.

Please try to recover before you make “rest of life” decisions. I do hope it works for you but if you haven’t already made promises it will be easier if you find you need your own space. Keep your future options open, recover, and then see how you both feel about a longer term living relationship.

Good luck.

Please tread carefully. My daughter moved back home and although it started off really well, gradually little things began to turn into big things and we ended up not really liking each other any more. She has since moved back but our relationship is spoiled. Its OK, just spoiled.
Do please make it temporary.
Your Mum might say she thinks its a great idea for you to stay and look after her in her old age, but unless you are an extraordinary couple I doubt it will work. If you could look around for somewhere near her you may find its a better solution.
Good luck anyway. Do let us know how you feel after a year or so living with this arrangement if you decide to go ahead.

Agree with previous posters but do please check how your Mum sees the timescale. It's important that you are very clear about that.

Whenever anyone moves into a place that the other person is already in, the main bone of contention is space. Maybe rent a storage unit, and decide initially the least you need to take with you.

Have you asked your mum, how she sees your moving in? Is she assuming it will be a temporary arrangement? Has it even occurred to her that you are considering the possibility of it being permanent. That is something that must be clear right from the start.

Then the two of you should give yourselves six months and then discuss the future. If you decide to risk a long-term arrangement, then you need to talk long and hard. You need to talk through long time living together.

When one of my aunts did what you planned, she had what was almost a separate flat. She had two of the bedrooms one as a bedroom and the other as a living room. Her mother had similar with a shared kitchen and bathroom. They agreed that one never went into the other's accommodation when they were out and they knocked before entering when they were at home. This gave them both independence and privacy and enabled them to live together as well. They could have friends round separately, watch different tv programmes and share a glass of wine together whenever they wanted and my aunt became her mother's carer as she aged, but that too was fraught with problems. Rushing home from work everynight to cook an evening meal, having to get her up and breakfasted before she left, doing all the shopping etc etc.

Plan the first six months and anything after that think and talk extensively and intensively together and with others before you commit.

You should give it a trial before thinking of making it long term. You could discuss with your DM her feeling on you possibly marking it long term but again give her time to evaluate the situation. Also you should agree how the home will be managed not only the domestics issues but the social side as well. Is there space for you to entertain friends on your own. The financial implications eg council tax, will DM lose a single occupancy allowance, any benefits being on her own. Hope it goes well for you since escaping your situation.

I did it when my marriage broke up years ago and it worked well I think for everyone.
Mum and I had an arrangement as far as babysitting was concerned and we both had our own social life and my dad was the father that was lacking in my son's life .
It worked out well for us, from who did the cooking, washing, cleaning etc, so can see no reason why it couldn't for you whether you use it as a breathing space or a permanent arrangement.

At least, if you make it temporary to begin with, you have an easy way to leave if you find that it doesn't suit you. It might not work for your mum either. It's difficult to share space when you've been used to living alone.

This is the other way round. My Mum, 95, moved in with ME. I absolutely hate it. She's little trouble and mostly stays in her room BUT I feel so trapped! So hard to get away, so many arrangements to make, carers coming in all the time.... so much extra housework and cooking. My advice is only stay with your Mum until you are able to be independent again. Then try to be NEAR her but not under the same roof. It's very difficult, as people age, for the younger person to cope. Most days I could cry.

Just take it slowly, each day as it comes. Hope it goes well for you both?

Its a big decision sandy so one step at a time would be my approach. I imagine at the moment you are just so relieved and excited to be escaping an abusive relationship (I can't say a big enough well done for achieving that) there could be an element of rose coloured glasses. If you and your Mum haven't discussed it I would suggest see how the first six months go and then have a chat. Your instinct to care for your Mum as she ages is wonderful but don't forget you deserve a life and as many people here can attest caring for someone, even someone you love, is far from easy. Wishing you both well, its a new chapter, take is slowly.

Thanks all some things to think about !I've got rid of my dog she hates it although upset shes gone to a good friend well going Robin trying to be considerate!!

Robin!!!lol

how about a trial period say three months .then if mum or you not happy .you have your answer..i would never get rid of my pet....yor dog gve you unconditional love and you foist it on someone else. love me love my dog.....maybe mum doesnt want a baby sitter ,have you asked her?

I am 70. I have just had my daughter (and toddler, and then her husband) to stay for three nights - their house has workmen in it. They left after lunch yesterday. It was lovely - and I was exhausted, sleeping away the afternoon. I am sure your mother is very pleased to help you escape and recover from an abusive relationship, but it doesn't follow that she wants an adult daughter in her home permanently. (Seventy isn't particularly old.) It is always helpful to know how long people intend staying. My point: have the discussion beforehand, or very early on. Think about this: if you meet someone you like, will you be comfortable sleeping together at your mum's?

I agree with Laurely! Not all 70s year old (it's no age at all!) would want an AC living with them for long. It will definitely warrant some serious discussion, on both sides.

Another vote for biding your time. Move in - heal your wounds but don't commit. You never know what is in store in the grand scheme of things for you. You may meet another partner? How would you feel if your mother hated them? Didn't want them in the house but you didn't feel you could move out as you "had promised".

It is never easy moving back home no matter how well you get on.

One of mine has yo-yo'd a few times and although would never turn her away - I always try to encourage her to find her own place (actively found for one for her) We get on wonderfully and see each other most days but living under same roof wasn't ideal for either of us!

I loved my mum to bits too but we both knew we couldn't live together full time, permanently.

Good luck and btw you WILL sort your life out again.