Gransnet forums


What would you do if you saw this

(46 Posts)
Mbra12 Tue 14-Jan-20 00:51:32

Today I witnessed a man shouting and swearing at a young woman. I continued round the corner and stopped but could not hear anything and could not go back without being obvious. Another man came round and I asked him if the lady was ok. At that point the first man had walked round and realised we were talking about him. He started shouting and coming towards us so we moved on. The second man said we should keep moving and so I did. However, I felt bad and asked my husband to drive me back to see if the woman was ok. This was approx 20 minutes later. They were further up the road but he was still bullying her. We drove on and then turned back to check. He looked even angrier so I dialled 999. My husband was not happy. The police did not seem too interested until a further call reporting the same thing was received while I was on the line. By the time we made our third pass they were nowhere to be seen.
Both my husband and the second man felt that we should not get involved. Now I can’t sleep for worrying.

gmarie Tue 14-Jan-20 01:29:46

I think it's very admirable that you cared and followed your instincts. Even if they were just in a particularly loud argument, probably better to be safe than sorry. If you didn't call and then heard about an assault or more in the morning news you'd be feeling much worse! Also, since the gent looked so angry that TWO people called in, at the very least an appearance by the police might give him pause.

BradfordLass72 Tue 14-Jan-20 05:06:02

Rest easy, you did all you could, short of bopping the bully on the nose which clearly you could not do smile

harrigran Tue 14-Jan-20 08:54:49

I think you did the right thing.
I was in exactly the same position a few months ago but it also included a child. I was unable to give a location to the police because they were driven off in a car.

Teetime Tue 14-Jan-20 09:20:21

Well done youMbral2 I would have done the same and in fact have done the same re a neighbour. I thought the sooner this violent man came to the attention of the police the better- they said I had done the right thing to call them.

endlessstrife Tue 14-Jan-20 09:23:08

I’d have done the same as you. Reported it, whilst being careful for my own safety. You did well. Whether the young woman will be better off in the long run....we can only pray.

emmasnan Tue 14-Jan-20 09:23:26

You did the right thing. If he can behave like that towards her in a public place, it could be he is even worse at home in private.

EllanVannin Tue 14-Jan-20 09:34:14

How many times have the abused gone back to the abuser ?

I wouldn't advise anyone to get involved apart from perhaps ringing the police though even the police don't make these calls their priority because they know that the warring couple will continue with their volatile lives.

Luckygirl Tue 14-Jan-20 09:38:15

You rang the police which was the right thing to do. It was clearly serious enough for someone else to also ring them.

You wisely did not put yourself at risk - that would have achieved nothing - but took steps to protect the woman. You could do nothing more.

You will be worried about what is happening behind closed doors but there really is nothing else at all that you can do.

yggdrasil Tue 14-Jan-20 09:49:08

A while ago I was walking down the street when a man on the other side was shouting and swearing at a woman, using very bad language. She had a shopping bag with her, he pulled it off her and threw it on the ground.
I shouted at him that that sort of language was offensive, and he realised I was there. He started to leave, and I told him to pick up the shopping which was lying on the road.
Amazingly he did, and pushed it back at the woman, and then left.
I did not go to the woman, because she appeared to be drunk or drugged, and that was what I didn't want to get involved with. I did all this before I thought, afterwards I realised what could have happened.

suziewoozie Tue 14-Jan-20 09:59:36

Mbra you showed compassion and amazing presence of mind. I’d like to think I’d behave like that in a similar situation - mindful of your own safety but unable to ignore a potential threat to a woman. Once years ago a group,of us saw a situation in the street from the safety of an upstairs window - a young woman crying and screaming bring forced into a van.We immediately called the police and in those days they were there in 2 minutes. They investigated and then came to see us. They explained the background to what was happening but thanked us very much for what we’d done and said they wished more people cared.

Jane10 Tue 14-Jan-20 10:07:45

I once saw a man shouting at a woman in the street. She tried to leave in a car but he leaned on the bonnet preventing her from driving off. The shouting and gestures continued as I walked past. I was worried about whether I should do something or even what I could do. Eventually I plucked up courage to go back. I ignored the man but asked the woman if she was OK. The fact of a passer by feeling they had to ask seemed to have given the man pause for thought and he stopped, stood back and she drove off.
This happened in a busy street in a good area in broad daylight. Not sure if I'd get involved at night or in a dodgier area.
I just couldn't have done nothing somehow. The poor girl looked awful.

kittylester Tue 14-Jan-20 10:28:55

ellanvannin the abused go back to the abuser because they are so degraded and have learnt that everything is there fault. It takes a HUGE amount of strength to walk away.

Granny23 Tue 14-Jan-20 10:46:21

EllanVannin How do you know that the man and young woman were a warring couple? Could have been a pimp and a girl forced into prostitution, a stalker, an ex-partner harassing her.
I think you are wrong about the Police who no longer think in terms of 'its just a domestic'. Most forces have dedicated units to deal with these crimes. The officers in these units have had specialised training and fully understand the forces that drive woman back into abusive relationships - e.g. no money of their own, no where else to go, threats to kill if they leave, threats against children, pets etc. not to mention the lack of self confidence which is an inevitable direct result of living in a controlling or abusive relationship.

TrendyNannie6 Tue 14-Jan-20 10:52:13

I think you did the correct thing well done to you. I wouldn’t have left it either, I would have reported it

Hithere Tue 14-Jan-20 11:38:42

You did the right thing

ladymuck Tue 14-Jan-20 11:55:36

Many people would have walked past and pretended they hadn't noticed. It's good that you were concerned about the lady involved. However, it is always better not to interfere as you may be putting yourself at risk. You called the police, which was the right thing to do.

If only we had bobbies on the beat again!

knickas63 Tue 14-Jan-20 12:23:50

I once saw two men chasing a third as I was walking home from work through a local park. They caught up with him and started hitting him. I didn't think twice. In my best 'Dinner lady' voice I ordered them to stop it! They were so shocked they did! Then one of them said 'You don't know what he has done' to which I replied 'I don't care! Two on to one is not ok" Sort it out like grown ups! And went on my way. Afterwards I got a bit shakey when I realised it could have turned out worse!

Saggi Tue 14-Jan-20 13:47:41

You did the right thing I’ve done exactly the same thing In the past...much to husbands chagrin.... I take no notice at all of mens approbation , and just get on with doing what’s right!

Phloembundle Tue 14-Jan-20 13:57:54

Life is not like it was. He could easily have pulled a knife on you. You did the right thing. Don't lose sleep.

Yehbutnobut Tue 14-Jan-20 14:05:12

If you were getting vibes that something was wrong then follow your instincts.

IslandGranny Tue 14-Jan-20 14:05:59

I’ve never regretted getting involved only if I’ve been persuaded not to have I worried about the consequences. Same as with drunk girls on their own who are vulnerable. We had domestic abuse training through work and it opened my eyes even after having worked my whole life with the public. I was particularly upset about elder abuse where family and so called friends bully elderly people into parting with cash or household goods.

Jishere Tue 14-Jan-20 14:18:35

I work in customer service and with the public all the time. This may seem scary to you and calling the police is all you can do.
But I have witnessed lots of verbal and physical abuse lots are drug or drink related. Unless the abuser has gone completely calling the police is all you can do.
There was a couple that used to come screaming at each other it seemed every Friday. How can any get involved when it's drug related?

jaylucy Tue 14-Jan-20 14:37:42

I think that you did the right thing. Even though you had no idea what was going on , in my mind, what amounted to threatening behaviour is not acceptable and for all you know the man may well have a restraining order against contacting the woman.

Mbra12 Tue 14-Jan-20 14:49:36

Thank you all for your responses. I did manage to get to sleep. I just hope she is ok.