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People walking into house unannounced - acceptable?

(47 Posts)
Tedber Mon 20-Jan-20 20:24:34

I was thinking about a couple of threads speaking about Parents/inlaws walking into their adult children's houses without being invited. Replies varied between those who felt it was horrendous and rude and those who felt it was part of a close family relationship.

Got me thinking to my earlier life in a small village in Scotland (maybe other people may relate also?)

When I grew up - nobody locked their doors - ever - not even when they went to bed. Even after I was married...

Neighbours and relatives constantly called in with all sorts of things, cakes, biscuits, whisky from the 'still, you name it. There seemed to be a bit of a barter system going....you put my shed up (not me personally lol) and I will give you Beef/whisky etc. One of my neighbours would do our garden for a bottle of Glenfiddich!

Not only that but the postman didn't just put post through the door, he opened the door and came in with parcel, shouted as he came in but would often have a cuppa! Well if he hadn't had numerous ones before reaching us that is!

I remember one day I was upstairs and the postman was actually putting the kettle on!! Hahaha........

When the milkman called for his weekly money, he would knock and walk in and wait in kitchen for his money.

Another time a random guy called and He had a cardboard box for another neighbour, which had a 2 pigeons in!!! (neighbour was a pigeon fancier) Asked me to look after it until neighbour returned which was like a week later. Never thought anything of it t.b.h. - this was life!

Not sure it even happens there now but it did get me feeling a bit nostalgic thinking about the days when there was so much community spirit - I didn't even realise it at the time let alone appreciate it.

I feel totally appreciative of where I was brought up and loved the 'intrusive' neighbours. Anyone else experienced a time like this in their lives? I know Lancashire was like this many years ago.

grannypiper Tue 21-Jan-20 08:25:56

S.W Scotlamd here, i know i have keys for the house in a vase somewhere, i have never locked my doors. Postie opens the door and puts the mail on top of the bookcase, parcel guy leaves items in the porch and the fishman leaves the fish in the fridge if i am not in

Grammaretto Tue 21-Jan-20 09:46:47

In a previous house, we left the door open but were caught out when a Yorkshire neighbour came straight into our ground floor bedroom and we were in bed!

According to social media, you'd think our small Scottish town had a high crime rate as the curtain twitchers, see people acting suspiciously all the time.

One friend was the victim of a robbery but he said afterwards "It's a pity they smashed their way in - if they had tried the door, it was open!"

BlueSky Tue 21-Jan-20 10:18:04

Oh Kitty how sad, your poor mum. It brought tears to my eyes sad

arosebyanyothername Tue 21-Jan-20 10:53:41

Growing up all my aunts and nan lived within walking distance.
No phones then so mum would take us round and we'd let ourselves in the (unlocked) back door. No-one was ever surprised to see us.
Think I'd have a heart attack if anyone walked into my kitchen!

Grammaretto Tue 21-Jan-20 10:57:39

While I have been tapping away on here, a friend walked into my living room bearing cake! smile

dizzyblonde Tue 21-Jan-20 11:04:03

I would be furious if someone just walked into my house, they might catch me with nothing on which would mean they'd be scarred for life. grin They can't walk in at the front because there's a yale lock on the front door but I don't always lock the back door if I'm in. The dogs let me know if there's anyone lurking.
I always tell people who are worried by parents/in laws walking in to tell them they'd rather they texted/rang first as they like making love on the sofa so best to give warning. I find that concentrates the politeness part of their mind wonderfully.

BlueSky Tue 21-Jan-20 11:13:00

Dizzyblonde a friend's daughter told her mum and family not to call unexpectedly as 'their sex life doesn't end in the bedroom!' This was years ago and caused some shocked hilarity so much that my friend told everybody! grin

GrandmaMoira Tue 21-Jan-20 12:17:05

We had locked doors as a child in the 50s in London. It was the same when we visited relatives in Lancashire and Scotland. I've never been anywhere with unlocked doors.
A lot of people here talk about walking into the back of the house - you can't do that in most British houses - they are either terrace or have a locked side gate. I am a bit puzzled how this works.

ladymuck Tue 21-Jan-20 12:24:39

This is a sad reflection on modern society. These days we are so distrusting of everyone, (quite rightly, sadly).
I grew up in a neighbourhood where Mrs Next-door would just walk in, calling out...'Cooee, it's just me'.
Now, I wouldn't dream of leaving my doors unlocked.

Witzend Tue 21-Jan-20 12:46:53

Although we were very friendly with neighbours when I was still living with my folks - we had no family anywhere near - this wasn’t a thing around there at all. I certainly wouldn’t like it now. At least partly because I’m not very tidy and do like to have a quick whip around if anyone’s coming.

When I was living abroad, though, I would sometimes come home from work and find a couple of friends in our sitting room, having a coffee made for them by our helper. They would had come to use our phone, since neither of them had one (this was aeons ago) but as they knew very well, this was absolutely fine with us and I was always pleased to see them.

Witzend Tue 21-Jan-20 12:47:32

Would have, obviously!

Farmor15 Tue 21-Jan-20 12:58:33

I live in a rural area in Ireland. We never lock the door during the day and usually only when going to bed. We don’t have a doorbell or knocker, so if a neighbour calls, they often knock on kitchen door, and open and come in if no response. Just before Christmas, OH said “what’s the parcel on kitchen table?” I went to look and found someone had dropped in some wine and homemade pâté. I guessed who it was, and she said she didn’t want to call out to disturb us as she knew we had grandchildren staying and they might be going to bed!

It obviously depends where you live and how well you know neighbours, but there are others around us where the door would be unlocked. I would usually knock first, then go in and call “hello - anyone around?”

FlexibleFriend Tue 21-Jan-20 13:13:46

I can't leave my front door open, once it's closed you need a key to open it.

Daddima Tue 21-Jan-20 13:53:56

Our door is usually only locked at night, and family, friends, and some neighbours will just come in. If I felt like being on my own, I’d just lock the door!

notanan2 Tue 21-Jan-20 22:20:16

A lot of people here talk about walking into the back of the house - you can't do that in most British houses - they are either terrace or have a locked side gate. I am a bit puzzled how this works.

Where I live most terrace rows have shared access along the back. Everyone in the terrace can go through the end terrace's garden gate and it must not be locked unless its a lock the whole row has a key/code for.

That was the norm in the era that the terrace rows were built and the deeds remain.

When I was growing up your back door was your front door (effectively) and it was considered a bit obnoxious to ring the front doorbell. Cause that means you think youre fancy! grin

The back door was really the main door.

notanan2 Tue 21-Jan-20 22:25:55

I would be furious if someone just walked into my house, they might catch me with nothing on which would mean they'd be scarred for life

Well you see when I was growing up you wouldnt go to the kitchen in a state you wouldnt want to be seen in, but similarly the people who just walked in wouldnt go beyond the kitchen uninvited either.

So there were private areas of the house still. The kitchen just wasnt considered private.

It wasnt just the upstairs that had an unwritten rule that it was invite only: the front room was also invite only. You wouldnt be surprised to find a neighbour had come in and sat at the kitchen table, but you certainly wouldnt expect to find them sat at your dining room table unannounced!

So you could still "slob" if you wanted to

annep1 Wed 22-Jan-20 07:17:49

I'd love to live in one of these friendly neighbourhoods. Someone dropping in? Chance would be a fine thing.

notanan2 Wed 22-Jan-20 13:33:22

Those communities arent necessarily "friendlier". You have lots of awuaintances but no more "friends" than anywhere else.

And most of the people going in and out of each others houses are extended family anyway. They arent necessarily popping in on newcomers

annep1 Wed 22-Jan-20 17:02:27

On rereading people are talking mostly about how it was. But it must be nice to have neighbours who pop in - sometimes. Where I live (a busy street with a school)you could be dead for a long time and no one would know. I only know the names of two people in the street.

Tedber Wed 22-Jan-20 19:02:40

notanan2 very vocal on this but....t.b.h I wasn't even suggesting it was better or worse. I can't even IMAGINE people walking in my house now. I was just thinking of my childhood/young adulthood and how different it was compared to now where I hardly know anyone in the same road. I had completely forgotten all that until a previous thread. Wasn't comparing in any way. This was just me musing on times Auld Lang Syne. Not suggesting anything t.b.h.

Fennel Wed 22-Jan-20 19:05:57

I think it does depend on where you live. We live in a busy city with literally all sorts of people in the surrounding streets.
When husband goes out early morning he leaves the front door 'on the sneck' - this worries me because I once had my handbag stolen in such a situation. I was still in bed. Not this house, but another in the area.
I put the sneck down now, and re-open it later before he returns.