My Mam

Thank you Bathsheba. Just tried that and it did give me some posts, none of which shocked me, in case anyone wondered, but there is nothing about my mam being distressed on holiday and I am rather stupidly fixating on this now?
Perhaps I should just leave it.
I don't know. I KNOW something was wrong when she came back. I KNOW you know what it was. Was she in pain? That just keeps going round in my mind.
As long as I know she was not in physical or mental pain, I don't need to know the details, if anyone can remember.

Vicbar, so sorry to hear your sad news. I am relatively new to GN, but do remember your Mam's post regarding being up and down. What an amazing lady, and so brave to share her thoughts. And since you have told us about her fostering so many teenagers and how kind she was and how she loved animals, I am even more in awe of her. How lucky you are to have had such a remarkable Mam, what a star she was.

Thank you Curlywhirly - she was a force to be reckoned with!
Last August Bank Holiday, we, or I should say, she, had a big bbq. Goats and llamas invited, as well as all the people she had helped and fostered ( she did a bbq like this every 2 years).
I think, although I might be a few out, she short term fostered 51 young people. And there were two 'unofficial'before that.
At the bbq 46 of her charges turned up, along with partners and children of their own.
Some had travelled from the south coast to be here for her, it was incredible!
I think she did lose touch with 4 or 5 of her youngsters, but dont really know - she kept information about them very private.

I will go now. Sorry to bore for Britain about her?

Oh, and the donkeys were in seventh heaven having so many people to boss about!

You were not boring us. She sounds very special. It was lovely to hear about her.

Not boring at all. You were lucky to have such a great mum, and your children such an amazing granny.

You reminisce away. We enjoy hearing it. ? ?

Vicbar, I was in contact with your mum, as were a few others.
Your mum knew the end was near and poured out her heart on here and in PMs about her love for her family and her animals and how little time she had left with you all.
There was so much she still wanted to do and was shocked when she was given her prognosis, thinking she had more time.

She herself, was responsible for posts and PMs being deleted, as being the wonderful mother she was, she wanted to protect you all from how she was feeling on those days she was feeling very low. In saying that, there were also posts when she was very upbeat. That was why she deregistered, she loved you all so much and didn't want you to be upset, if you ever read them.

I was actually replying to a PM from her, when all her PMs started disappearing from my inbox, so I couldn't retrieve them if I tried.

A very brave lady indeed! Be proud of your mam and remember how she was before all this.

Vicbar, it's good to hear more about your Mum. What a truly special lady she was. All those people she fostered, she obviously turned their lives around with her love and support. How great that so many of them turned up for the bbq, to show how they appreciated her. 46 of them, wow. Not many of us will leave such a legacy.

And she gave you and your family huge amounts of love. She had no choice but to go, but she will always be in your hearts.

38Marydoll thank you
Just thank you so much.

Sorry - I was a wee bit wrong, and overguessed!
My brother says 40 of her people came to the bbq. Not the 46 I claimed ?

I know you dont really care, but I can just hear my mam shouting 'for Gods sake Vic, I wasnt THAT popular'

She was.

But she was........

Vicbar in that thread that MawB posted a link to, I have posted that she should write on a letter Sod off the lot of you.

That did refer to a couple of her deleted posts where she said she had received a letter from, I think, an 'end of life' care team and it did upset her for reasons I can understand; the way it was written for one, which she described.

So if you were worrying that she had received a nasty letter from anyone, no, she had not, it was a nice letter but not one she wanted to read which was very understandable.

I don't know if that will help or not but I thought you should know in case you were worrying about that.

We do care Vicbar. She was special and we on GN cared. Be proud of your Mam.

Dear Vicbar I just wanted to add my thoughts to the above. Your Mam was very special and I used to love reading her posts about the animals, I had horses all my life and I could identify with her love for her animals and how she enjoyed her time with them. She was a very brave lady, who was determined to live her life to the full. You have told us some wonderful things about what your Mam has done, she was very special.

You are a "chip off the old block" and she would be so proud of you and your lovely daughter, she used to talk about you both and was proud of you.

She was poorly at the end, but determined to carry on regardless, without worrying anyone.

You had a wonderful Mam who will always be with you.

My love xxx

Callistemon - thank you so much

Sod off the lot of you, would have been her mantra

I can hear her now - but so pleased she had nothing unpleasant to contemplate!

I am still sure that something upset her on her much needed and deserved holiday, but I giess I will never know.
Perhaps she was just nearing the end of her life and knew it.

But something changed and she did not die the happy, carefree mam I alwways knew.
And that will stay with me.

Perhaps no one dies the way they intend, I dont know. I just always envisaged a different end for her.

Apologies for my typos!

My brother and husband assured me a stiff brandy would be in order........'?

Vicbar I have just read your lovely post on the thread about Luckygirls sad loss. To be able to think of others whilst going through your own grief I think is a clear sign that you are your mother’s daughter and her caring nature has been passed onto you.
I do remember your mum saying in one of her posts that she had had a really lovely Christmas. Take heart from that and remember her in happier times. None of us know exactly how we will react at the end but I’m sure she would want you not to worry but concentrate on happier times. When I lost my brother, for a while I could only picture his last few days when he wasn’t himself at all. Now I remember him as he was and his humour and fun and wonderful storytelling. Take care

Vicbar, loved the story about the bbq, and all those children that your Mam had fostered turning up, she must have been so chuffed! What a lady.

I'm so pleased that some of the other GN ladies have been able to give you some information regarding your Mam's posts and messages and hopefully, have helped to answer some of your questions. Take care

Mam is such a lovely 'comfy' sort of word. It conjures up a warm smiley woman beloved by her children. We now know that she extended that caring to many children who needed a 'Mam'. What a very special lady she was.

My Mam died before I finished Uni but I can assure you that in time you will remember her smiles most of all. They are the memories which will stay with you for ever.

I remember your Mam saying she was off to see her donkeys. She got great pleasure from caring for them and she loved them so. Her work with children and young people is an astonishing achievement and you are justifiably proud of her - your Mam. xx

Just wanted to thank you all for being here!
I am off home today, so real life will be taking over again - thank you all for your kind words, they have helped me enormously over the past few days.
Take care everyone.

Have a safe journey Vicbar, your mam is at peace now and I hope you too can find peace.

Your mam was a lovely lady Vicbar and as Marydoll says she is at peace now. God bless all of you . Safe journey.

Big hugs Vicbar, I am sorry to read your sad news. I remember your Mum's posts and thought she seemed a lovely person. Remember to be kind to yourself xx

I have only just found this thread.
My condolences Vicbar I always enjoyed reading your mam's posts. I am very moved by your lovely post, you are clearly your mother's daughter.
My Mam died when I was 29, our son was two and a half, she doted on him. Sadly she didn't get to meet her dgd who resembles her so much.
You have so many joyous memories, revel in them and may they sustain you in your loss. ?

My heartfelt condolences vicbar you seem SO like you mum - I can ‘feel’ your loving personality.

As the saying goes ‘the Apple does not fall far from the Tree’.
Very true in your case.

Take care.
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