If you’ve gone through feeling unmotivated, lonely, depressed, sad...

Another identifying here. I have a very busy life with lots of interests and friends to meet for coffee, DDs and GDCs are wonderful but I have to fight off the urge to walk away from it all and become a sort of recluse. I don't sleep well, often wake up, and in the early hours it is an almost overwhelming feeling, I lie in bed planning how I'll walk away from everything. It's a feeling that's been going on for a few years now. However I haven't given in to it. Once I'm up and dressed the feeling lessens a bit and I don't (usually) give in to it but do occasionally cancel arrangements because I just can't be bothered. It's too much effort.

Hetty58, so articulate on this. I shall re read your posts, identify and learn.
I have to agree with your suggestion that we sometimes burn ourselves out in a most productive years then cannot summon up the strength or motivation later on in life. Health issues and insomnia also take away what was supposed to be a pleasurable retirement lifestyle.

I went through something like this nine years ago. Something happened and I couldn’t stop grieving and feeling alone. I was lonely but didn’t want to see anyone. What got me through was being forced to relate to myself. So often we are not with ourselves. I started to ask myself questions how am I, what would make me happy, what do I need, looking over my life and recognising myself, Realising I’ve been a kind person, but not when hurt, I can be funny , amuse people, always did my best even if it wasn’t up to much lol etc etc. Realising I miss my dad, angry at myself over x , interested in Russia, curious. Now I never get lonely and in fact I love my own company. I have a good relationship with myself !

The menopause started it all for me. I was absolutely fine before, 3 years ago, then insomnia, muscle and joint stiffness, nausea, hot flushes, and then there’s the emotional side where I just haven’t felt like me anymore. The feeling of not wanting to do ANYTHING, even the things I’d normally love, like being with family. Luckily it ebbs and flows, I would just like it to flow away for good. I know it’s much better for us than for our predecessors, because the knowledge is out there, but still have to go through it. With me, lack of good sleep has been a big part of it. Just keeping my eye on that light at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks everyone, writing things down (my earlier post) really helped me work out what's going on. I'm having a 'battery charging' day too, AGAA4, why not?

There is some similarity now to an earlier phase in my life when I had little confidence. I was stuck indoors (far too much) with four kids and a very poorly husband. I felt trapped and really low then, despite having company.

I forced myself to enrol on a part time 'Access to HE' course at a local college. The company of the other mature students was an absolute life saver. I discovered that I was a capable student, too.

It all ties in so nicely with everyone's comments about having a challenge, doing something creative, getting out and about and being organised (lists and goal setting). We really DO have a lot of the answers!

gmarie. Like you I had a very busy life and even when I retired I looked after my grandchildren until they were mid teens. When that stopped I did feel redundant and lacked motivation to do much. It is hard to turn off from being a carer and having a job but after chatting to friends I decided not to try too hard to fill my time and just do exactly what I wanted to do.

I usually start the day with a walk, somewhere with greenery. It is good for the soul . I have made lists of activities I may enjoy (thanks to lovely GNs suggestions) that I will persue in Spring. Winter is a time of hibernation. We don't feel like doing a lot and maybe shouldn't. Recharge batteries for warmer days

Interesting thread. I have felt myself becoming more lethargic and have that "cba" attitude, which I know is NOT good for me. I sit on the computer too much. I need to force myself to do things.

If I could lose a bit of weight and be more active, I think I'd feel better. It's easy to give in to this, but I keep trying.

After reading all of these comments, I have to say I can relate to most of them, but am still waiting to resolve my favourite phrase, which is, "I can't be arsed", I guess this verifies the fact I am seriously unmotivated, roll on Spring!

Hi gmarie, I hope you have tried sumatriptan for your migraines. This medication changed my life and I know it must be hard to believe but it can stop a migraine within one hour.
I used to have to spend days in bed when I was younger until I started taking sumaptriptan.
I have a prescription for 12 tablets per month. Sometimes there are some over, but this levels out if the atmospheric pressure goes when I can have a migraine every day.

Apparently the brain likes lists and ticking things off. There is some research about that.https://innermammalinstitute.org/about/

Perhaps it staves off hopeless feelings, a lack of purpose.

Personally, I drag myself to yoga twice a week and may try to up it to 3 visits. The timing works for me, 10 am.

I wish I had asome sort of faith but I don't.
Volunteering in a local charity shop is a bit hit or miss, depending on who is working that day.

Massage-

Some people journal, I write lists- I list everything I need to do or want to do then check each off after accomplished - No matter how big or small, I make sure to list 6 things daily that I did -

I've done this for decades- I was introduced to listing by a niece who was introduced to it by her professor during a difficult time when she didn't know what she wanted to do with her life- And she still doesn't! But by practicing listing has accomplished more than she ever imaged!

And I have too- More than I'd be inclined to give myself credit for if I didn't practice writing lists- Its proved especially helpful in the post holiday winter months with little to no sun that can leave one feeling a bit blue and adrift-

Rufu2. Thank you for giving me a lift to my day. I haven’t got much of a sense of humour but your comment made me laugh out loud. ?

I could have written some of your post Hetty58. Some days it's an effort to do anything

now gets even more grumpy especially when it rains continuously
Sussexborn. Now why does that remind me of an earlier tale? GreatNan's I think!
Woman says " I think my husband's depressed. It hasn't stopped raining for three days and he's been staring through the window all the time.
If it's still raining tomorrow I suppose I'll have to let him in!

OoRoo

You are absolutely right SaraC .
The winter ‘blues’ affect so many people, myself included, but I find I do feel better if I can make the effort to go outside for a walk even if just round the block .
I’ve also treated myself to buying cut daffodils- they really cheer me up by reminding me that spring will
Definitely be here sometime !

Hetty: Your list was so inspiring I printed it out!

Normally I find that being creative is helpful - even the largest project can be started with just a few stitches. It lifts my spirits to make something unique and I hope, beautiful.
As SaraC says, maybe it's no bad thing to pause and take stock of one's situation. Recharge your batteries then begin again.

My chosen Christmas gift to friends (who don't need 'stuff') is an IOU for lunch. I put an expiry date on these and then move into diary time where I try for as many January slots as I can manage. Awful month for me. Totally survival time. Many years ago crippling finances were also part of the survival. Nowadays, lie-ins, lovely lunches and telly kick it into touch not too badly. I do understand the 'alone' situation being worse at this time of year but with a bit of resolve it can be coped with. Thanks for that Vit D tip. I will pursue but perhaps take the childrens' dose after reading a few reviews. Roll on Spring!

Don’t be too hard on yourself gmarie. It’s only six months since your Dad died and bereavement is a tiring journey. Six months, generally speaking, is when we run out of energy and realise that life will never be the same again. So many changes going on under the surface which take up a lot of energy. Maybe having time to feel sad and to reflect is no bad thing. Take good care.

gmarie, what worked for me in similar circs was understanding I was on my own and it followed I needed to look after myself, instead of . as had had previously been the case, looked after others.
Basically, I did what I wanted to do. I looked after my finances, moved house. The main innovation was acquiring a GSD puppy and a cross breed terrier who needed training classes. I also joined a group of people who shared the same intellectual interest as me.
Unitarianism was a help mainly because of the few nice people I met at the local U church. I wish now I had loved them even better now they are all dead.

How does the Vit D spray work? Is it a room spray or a body spray? I used to joke that I would leave my OH when he retired because he was a grumpy young man (at times) and now gets even more grumpy especially when it rains continuously. His family always made a big deal about the weather whereas my family just accepted whatever weather came along.

I can identify with you. I was always so busy.

I am wondering if you have something like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome? You were so busy during your working life it might be your body saying it wants you to let it have a good rest.

I have been forced into much less to hardly any activity due to disabling pain. Somehow though, the time passes by usually without me doing everything I wanted to do. I do rely on the internet for many interests and have taken up a few craft hobbies that I never had time for, or even thought of, before. Before I was disabled I was a keen gardener, and the garden won't let you stand still.

I don't know if any of my thoughts have been useful. I do feel for you. Maybe you might try giving in to this unwonted lethargy and just be lazy and pretend you are giving yourself a holiday? I do hope that some way or another you begin to feel much happier.

When I gave up my job I decided to travel 2-3 weeks every 6 months which is the amount of time I want to be away. I am also part of a religious gtroup and spend a few evenings and a day with them. I decided to take up th3 piano again after leaving it 50 years ago so that has been my big challenge. I think challenge is the key. I don’t have family so I mak3 myself busy

Interested to hear about the Vit D spray, does it help "the blues"or just a supplement instead of the sun, which we are missing at this time of year? Must give it a try.

Same here I've got to the unmotivated phase, nothing seems to get me going. Perhaps it does happen because of various reasons and not just physical issues? The winter certainly doesn't help but it's helpful to know that there are other people in the same boat.