Immortal

Ha ha ha ha ha :-) brilliant! When Jehovah's Witnesses knock on my door I tell them either: I am a communist, I don't believe in god - which leaves them flummoxed - or, when I meet god I am going to punch him in the face for being so utterly cruel and useless. How dare he let the world get in such a state?? They beat a hasty retreat down my long garden path.

I strung a woman cold caller along for several minutes - until she swore at me for wasting her time!

I realised that she was probably only trying to make a living and might not even know that what she was doing was a scam.

So now I listen briefly to see if the call is genuine and, if not, either just hang up or say 'not interested, thank you'. It's not as much fun as all the suggestions above, though.

That's the reason I'm never rude to such callers. But stringing them a story is a totally different matter. Makes the call more interesting for both of us

Dogsmother
I agree with you son on this.

My son was here one day when I received a a cold call and I said Something that I thought was clever..........
My son put me in my place ..... he pointed out how demoralizing a job it must be and would it not be kinder to simply ask the caller to remove me from the list as I was not interested! I have done this since but in truth it’s been a very long time now since I’ve been called.

When our granddaughter was two I'd give her the phone and she'd say, "Sorry, busy now, bye", then put the phone down.

Once was asked if I would like a stylish new kitchen. I would love one I said but you will have to check with the landlady first. He asked for her address and I said Her Majesty the Queen, Buckingham Palace, London. We lived in a RAF married quarter.

Sarahellenwhitney there does not seem to be any age limitation for body doners here. Mum is almost 98 and had confirmation late last year that they would still accept her body. There are, however, various conditions that need to be met. One of which is that you must be within a specific distance from the University.

This thread has really made me laugh out loud! Thank you for all the funny stories. ?

I had a caller trying to sell me washing machine insurance. I said I didn't have one, I washed my clothes in the stream at the bottom of my garden! I also told someone, who phoned me, that I didn't have a phone and that I'd just heard this one ringing as I was passing someone's house and had got in and answered it. All good fun.

I had a cold call, can't remember what for but it went like this, me speaking in my 'old lady voice's

Call...Hello I understand you had an accident
Me. Hello are you my friend?
C. What?
M. Are you my friend?

I had a call saying it was from Windows support. I told them I was so pleased to hear from them as the ones installed by Anglian were beginning to leak and I could do with some assistance. After a while of this, the caller managed to inform me that my Windows system, on my computer, was corrupt and needed fixing, urgently. I told him that, as I used an Apple computer, I was very concerned. He hung up.
When people call with the get rich schemes or wanting to sell me something, I tell them that I have just been made bankrupt. They don't stay on the line for long, then.

My sister once told someone who rang for me that I was dead. I was standing right beside her. Good job I'm not superstitious. I once pretended I was French. I also once asked a caller to please excuse me as my other phone was ringing. I left him hanging on for a few minutes, and the stubborn bugger was still there when I returned.

When asked about an accident I may of had I said is it about the one where I lost my legs, ( there was a pause) I then said and my arms and my heads in a jar. He hung up lol

Man from India asking me about gas and electricity. I told him I don’t have it. He said everybody has it, I told him I have hamsters running round in wheels.

Priceless tactics! Love them. I had the 'you've had an accident' call previously.
Strung them along for a while pretending to agree with them, then said I'd have to check with my sergeant before proceeding with the claim, as I'd been driving an unmarked Police car at the time
(I hadn't, or had an accident). It was astonishing the speed at which the caller terminated the call!

As for being immortal, I too can claim this; I used to have a poster on the wall saying "I have been put on this earth to achieve a certain number of tasks. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die". So therefore I must be immortal, and without having to fear garlic!

Brilliant ??

Taking bookings for the Turkish baths! Priceless!

We used to get a lot of calls about cavity wall insulation.

Had various conversations about how could I be sure that the insulation I would be paying for would stay in my walls because it was a terrace and I wasn't paying for everyone else.

Other ones have been along the lines of "where does it go," and "wont't it fill all my rooms up?" Usually leading to the exasperated "madam do you have cavity walls?". "Well of course we do there are lots of big cavities: living room, kitchen, bedrooms...."

And no we actually don't!!!

I don't speak Welsh but know many words from my Mum so just string them together, including LlanfairPG which I can say in full. Usually does the trick.

That was amazing!

Had one of those "Microsoft" callers this morning - at 7.30! I told him in very unladylike language what to do with himself. Call me before my second cup of coffee and risk the wrath!

DH often pretends that they've phoned a Turkish Baths and that he doesn't speak English very well. He tries to book them in whilst they try to explain whatever it is they're selling. I've seen the conversations go on for ages as he misunderstands them confusing everything they say with the steam bath, dry room, massage etc.

I once signed up to a get rich quick site and decided not to go ahead. Despite this I get calls nearly every day telling me about some new scheme, and they can go on for hours. Now I just say I have just inherited a fortune from a relative and don't need to try to make money.

In my opinion flowers and wreaths sent to funerals are supposed to show the bereaved that you love/liked/ respected the person they are burying.

I agree funerals are outrageously expensive. I have left directions that mine is to be a inexpensive as possible, but with a full sung Requiem Mass.