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(84 Posts)
vampirequeen Wed 12-Feb-20 18:40:29

Just been cold called by an insurance company. This is the conversation after she tried to sell me insurance...

Me: I don't need insurance, thank you.
Sarah: Everyone needs insurance
Me: I don't because I'm an immortal.
Sarah: Sorry you're a what?
Me: I'm immortal. I can't die.
Sarah: Everybody dies.
Me: I won't die. We immortals don't die.
Sarah: So you're going to leave your family to pay for your funeral?
Me: I've told you I'm immortal. I won't ever need a funeral. We immortals don't die.
Sarah: You're an immortal?
Me: Yes
Sarah: Oh OK. Thank your for your time.

grin grin grin

rafichagran Wed 12-Feb-20 18:56:33

Brilliant, knew she was beat.

Mapleleaf Wed 12-Feb-20 18:58:11

Love it, vampirequeen 😁

kittylester Wed 12-Feb-20 18:58:40

That is really funny.

I was once refused insurance because we were too near the river (at the bottom of the valley) while we live in one of the highest houses in the village (on the top of the valley) I told the girl on the phone that if we flooded then Noah would need to get his boat out again.

Who? Asked the girl on the phone.

Hetty58 Wed 12-Feb-20 19:00:46

Brilliant! I do love to wind up cold callers too.

lemongrove Wed 12-Feb-20 19:26:56

Well done VampireQueen😁
Must remember that one!

lemongrove Wed 12-Feb-20 19:27:38 could have just said that you are a vampire?

vampirequeen Wed 12-Feb-20 19:35:21

Didn't think of that lemongrove grin

SueDonim Wed 12-Feb-20 19:57:30


Smileless2012 Wed 12-Feb-20 20:00:21

Brilliant vampirequeen and lemongrovegrin.

ExperiencedNotOld Wed 12-Feb-20 20:50:22

I just say “oh, just a moment” and put the phone down. They’re never there when I go back - in ten minutes!

Grannybags Wed 12-Feb-20 20:52:31


Grandma2213 Thu 13-Feb-20 00:49:21

Love it!! I always wish I could think that quickly. Once someone on the phone tried to get me to sign up for carpet cleaning. It would make the pile look good as new. I told her if they could find any pile on my old carpets they were welcome to try. She put the phone down.

SueH49 Thu 13-Feb-20 01:21:46

Just tell them you are not having a funeral. It's not compulsory and it is becoming more common here (Australia) to have the body cremated and then have a celebration of life which is really a big party.
My Mother has donated her body to medical science and thus we will not have a body to deal with. She is adamant that we are not to have a funeral but happy for us to throw a party on her demise.

sharon103 Thu 13-Feb-20 01:45:33

Classic lol.

Nortsat46 Thu 13-Feb-20 08:20:19

Nicely done, VampireQueen, I assume you told Sarah your name, after you explained you are immortal...🧛‍♀️

QuaintIrene Thu 13-Feb-20 08:27:25

😃😃 absolute classic !

inishowen Thu 13-Feb-20 10:39:01

Brilliant. My husband specialises in these sort of conversations too

Beanie654321 Thu 13-Feb-20 10:49:02

That is the best, I love it. I always thought that cold calling was illegal. When they phone me and ask me things I always tell them that if they will answer the question first then I may answer too, soon gets rid of them. Saying that I also feel for them as it's only a job.

polnan Thu 13-Feb-20 10:50:40

oh I love this thread! I don`t answer the phone , usually, unless I know who the caller is,, I don`t hear well on the phone...
but I think I may do so next time it rings, just to try some of these responses.

yes,SueH49... tell your mum, I totally agree with her,, we had the simplest, plainest cremation service for my dh,,, it still cost nearly £3,000. I hasten to add that cost was not the consideration,,, just don`t go along with all this malarky..
and flowers?? who , exactly are the flowers for? profit for the florist.. the dead person, certainly can`t enjoy them

my family know my views on flowers, so I get flowers from them now!! whilst I can enjoy them

jaylucy Thu 13-Feb-20 10:51:32

Love it!
I did once ask a cold caller, if he was psychic and talk to people that had passed over to the other side when he wanted to speak to my mother.
His answer was that he would be happy to talk to her at anytime......
My mother had passed away 6 months previously

Moggycuddler Thu 13-Feb-20 11:02:21

Brilliant! I got annoyed by a call from one of those claims people who call you randomly and start on about " our records show that you recently had a car accident . . ." (I don' t drive and don' t have a car.) I answered enthusiastically "Oh, yes, I did!" The girl asked for details and then I started on a long tale about how I was driving late at night on a dark country lane, and saw some huge lights blinding me that caused my accident, and then told her about these weird little green spotted alien creatures who had taken me onto their spaceship and asked me all sorts of questions and told me about their home planet, and then given me tea and scones. The girl on the phone actually let me go on for about 7 or 8 minutes (I became really imaginative!) before she ended the call.

Cambia Thu 13-Feb-20 11:04:52

Last cold caller told me I had been injured in a car accident. Yes I said it was awful, a terminal accident and I died!

Theoddbird Thu 13-Feb-20 11:05:38

Hahaha...That gave me a giggle grin

Bluebird64 Thu 13-Feb-20 11:07:12

Haha this is excellent! My husband usually tells them to eff off if they start being pushy. Me, I never answer my phone to an unknown caller!