No DiLs - thank goodness!

As I have daughters, I suppose I didn't really anticipate daughters-in-law but I do have one and she's a delight. Feel very lucky really; my son-in-law is also lovely.

I've always got on with my MIL but she's never lived close enough to help out (our chouce) but I've always boggled by people laying down rules. I'd have been grateful of any help with the children tbh!

Both DILs are alike with similar backgrounds. I was widowed very young and had to work full time until retirement. I lived in London and they miles away. They have always resented my lifestyle as I have needed to be independent and have only been available for childcare in times of crisis. They are cold towards me and show their dislike by indifference. I have good friends but their behaviour makes me feel very sad.

My goodness, I am SO grateful for my DiL! My son had a really difficult time with dating, to see him meet and marry someone who had the same aims in life has been a delight, and of course she is the mother of my grandchildren, who I am very thankful for. (I have no daughters of my own.)

If anything, it is my son who tells me what to do with the children, not my DiL. He talks as if I've never dealt with a child before. Occasionally I have to remind him that I got him and his brother to adulthood without major injuries, as his instructions tend to be of the 'Don't let X put things in her mouth!' variety. They live near DiL's parents and they have the children a lot, I think they are also given very strict instructions which I am guessing are sometimes ignored .

I think this is a sad thread OP.
From reading your posts elsewhere I could not imagine you being less than a wonderful MIL whether to a DIL or SIL.
Is it really DILs who cause the trouble? We were/are all DILs ourselves and while I am sure there are many sad stories, I do wonder about the impartiality of some complainants.
I think I am very lucky to have three wonderful SILs but I am also aware that my role in the relationship has to be maintained with tact, patience (sometimes!) good humour and generosity of spirit.
Oh and keeping my mouth tightly shut when necessary!
I am aware that I am a guest in their hones, and that being Mum or Granny gives me no right whatsoever to dictate or interfere!
Sadly DILs and MILs are too often demonised in the media and -to my horror- on the likes of GN and the other place. If I did not read some of the threads here, I would have no idea of the things that seem to go on, such as NC, NPD etc.
It gives the impression that is the norm, but I honestly have never encountered it in RL.
As many have said, we do not post (or read) when relationships tick along just fine.
Let’s hear it for the in-laws who are not outlawed ?????

It’s very helpful to hear all DIL stories. For those of us who are working hard to create a good relationship with DIL’s and are being challenged to the max, I have found it ultimately, to be a good experience. I have found out a lot about myself and I am learning to step back, listen and to not make any suggestions that may be misconstrued as criticism. I’ll support with whatever means available and love them all to bits. To everyone with great DIL relationships enjoy and be very grateful.

Yes, the MIL-DIL relationship has always been a difficult one for some.

My mother felt her MIL disapproved of her and from remarks made to me from my Grannie, I think she did actually disapprove of my mother.

All those MIL jokes make it quite clear that a lot of men didn't get on with their MIL either.

I have a lovely DiL. Whenever she comes always brings home baking or other goodies. Never asks for anything but does a lot for others dont think I could have a better one.

Loved my mother in law and she said i was the daughter she never had.She died in January and i miss her

I feel very fortunate, compared to some MiLs. I have two DiLs, they are great friends and are the loveliest young women.

They have definitely made responsible, caring husbands and fathers out of our sons.

I have 2 x DIL’s and absolutely adore them both, so proud of my sons for having such good taste ! Both these lovely ladies and I spend hours chatting, have days out etc and both tell me they love me, so I am very lucky. I had 2 x MIL’s and once again I was very close to both .... however both FIL’s were extremely selfish men and I had very little time for them. My SIL is lovely too, his Dad is 80 this week so we’re all having a lovely family party today here at home.

I don't have a daughter in law, agree it can be a difficult relationship. My Mil once complained that I didn't iron my husbands clothes, plan his meals properly or clean the house enough! I found her difficult but mainly I just grinned and bore it. Probably young people are less happy to do this today and I can't say I blame them!
If I ever have a DiL I hope I will be understanding and not interfering but no one really knows how they will be until the time comes.

...that’s ‘harm them morally’

That is my daughter and SIL’s take on childcare. When they’re with me...it’s my rules. But they both know I would never do anything to put them in danger ...or home them morally ! It’s the only way to be.

My (thankfully!) ex-DIL was a very strange character. We tried for several years to welcome her in to the family and although this seemed to work in the early stages of her relationship with my son, it seemed that as soon as the engagement ring was on her finger she changed and then tried, and to a certain extent, succeeded, in isolating our son from the rest of his family. It got significantly worse once our first grandson was born and meant that, although they only lived 25 minutes from us, we could go months without seeing them. When we did, it was literally like walking on eggshells - a very unhappy atmosphere. Other family members witnessed it and were also baffled. To the best of our knowledge, we had never done anything to warrant this behaviour and, if I'm honest, it was a huge relief when the marriage ended - my son has changed back to the person he always was and now we see our grandsons regularly. I would never want to re-live those years again if I'm honest!

I have a lovely DIL we are alike in many ways more so in some than my own DD she gets along with all the family my own MIL was a nasty piece of work thank goodness I divorced her son so longer have to put up with her and hopefully I've learned from her mistakes

I got on OK with son’s partner until their relationship got into difficulties. Then it was blood is thicker than water.No grandchildren there.I got on well with my daughter’s first husband. They split when their twin daughters were just 2. She remarried and I had a few fall outs with new SIL as he did not treat his step daughters very well especially when they had a new son. I could not stand back and watch what was happening and spoke out.His own parents also fell out with him. Grandchildren now all grown and things settled down but the step family is difficult at times.

I get on with my own ex- MiL better now than i did when my ex and i were married.she doesnt treat me like a 'threat' any more(which i wasnt!) And shes ok with me because i still take their only grandson to see them a few times a yr.( hes nearly 17& doesnt like to go& we live over 70 miles away)i dont know what'l happen when hes 18& its up to him

From the bottom of my heart I wish I had a better relationship with my daughter in law. When they were first married I thought she liked me but over the years she has held me responsible for things beyond my control and no longer communicates with me. I do love her and I am sad that I can see no way to fix the problem

He'd never-typo

Shes his first 'proper' adult relationship,and i think hes been 'railroaded' into living together.he'd never stood on his own two feet before,as he'd lived with family members.so time will tell if they survive or not.if not ill be there to support my lovely kind-hearted son.

I've got 2 SILs and 1 ex DIL. I get on well with bothSILs, And used to get on well with my ,DIL.But as we don't live close don't see her anymore. Although we do a grandson from her and my son's marriage. And we also still send her birthday and Christmas presents to her, we wish her well and everyone moves on.

Never had a sister. Loved the fact I ‘got one’ when my brother married......she didn’t...

One of my other sons is living with a partner( i hate that term) and though i get on ok with her its not the same loving relationship i have with my eldest sons wife..shes got something about her,not as 'nice' for want of a better word- but shes always been ok with me,( but i dont see them often i live over 70 miles away) but none of my DS's siblings like her,and they darent tell him! (they each say its 'odd' things shes said,or the way shes acted towards them or my son) but ive never witnessed this,but if i do and its hurtful,i shall say so,but so far ive taken her at 'face value'.( i dont feel shes 'right one' for him though,hes a real laid back,caring kind of lad.well,we shall have to wait and see.

Well said, NanaandGrampy. Isn’t it sad that we only hear the negatives?
Let’s all give a cheer for our wonderful DILs, MILs,, SILs, and any others who make up our varied and different families.