No DiLs - thank goodness!

I have no DILs but I have BEEN a DIL and never got on with my MIL at all! The first time she ever met me all those many moons ago, she told my DH that she couldn't imagine what he saw in me. (Well, we are still together 40 years later!)

I never really got on with my own MiL after I was told she had someone else in mind for her son and he messed it all up by marrying me! I was an ‘outsider’ and she never quite got over it. When my son married, my DiL came with a lot of emotional baggage, made it clear that she “didn’t do families” and kept me at arms length for a long time. By the time she had stopped seeing me as some kind of threat and I felt that we were just about making some progress with our relationship, she was diagnosed with and eventually died from an aggressive cancer. My new DiL and I seem to rub along pretty well. We are very different people and I think I am a million miles away from what she ever thought her mother in law would be like (she is very feminine and I am, well, a weird scruffy old bag basically) but we can always find some common ground and have a laugh. Not living close to each other probably helps too!

And i agree,what a lovely thing for OP's SiL to say,really nice,as men often dont think to mention things like that,even if they think/feel it.

I have a lovely DiL and I learnt how not to be a MiL from my own. Hopefully my DiL appreciates it!

I don't have any DIL 'S either. But I do have Niece- in- laws
(if there is such a title) and quite a lot of them too. They are all lovely, kind and genteel young ladies.........except for one who is the rudest, self-centred, laziest and most manipulative trouble making b***h I have ever come across.

My DD's MiL is treated only 'civilly' by her own son although my DD does try be ok with her,but shes not same with their kids as i am and theyd much rather visit me.they used to ask which grandma they were visiting/ or staying with and cried when they find out it not me!(they only stayed once with other gran in 21yrs& youngest,now 6 has never stayed with her)

Yes mines the same Gillybob,my DiL calls me mam,like my son,and gets on better with me than her own mum,shes always been like one of my own daughters,and knows id always do whatever it takes for their children.whenever im needed.

Totally agree with gillybob post.

My DiL, or should I call her my DDiL, is divine. Love her to bits.

We get on great; and (immodestly) I'm confident she'd say we get on great too.

I have a lovely daughter-in-law and a equally lovely
son-in-law, am very happy with them, think they quite
like me too?

I have a lovely common law DIL. I hope my son and her will get married but I'm not sure of their plans. She is lovely- bright, kind, sensible, polite , helpful and appreciative and brings out the best in my son. I do hope they get married!!

I have 2 DILs and 2 SILs, and get on fine with all of them, am very fond of them all. One DIL is a bit of an oddity, but we take her with a pinch of salt, there`s never been any trouble. I also adored my in-laws, missed them terribly when they died.

I have a DIL to be.
I am very aware of the fact that she is incredibly close to her parents and is a very caring daughter.
I’m hoping we have a good relationship, it’s early days but so far so good, I really like her.
I am however aware that if they have children it will be her mother she turns to and I understand this will be the case.
I’m happy to take a back seat.

My DiL is the best in the world, as was my MiL. My ex-SiL was a nightmare!

washerwoman I echo your every word.

I stiĺl miss my lovely MIL .And FiL too
She was helpful without being interferring.And I married her only son.I like to think she was fond of me too.In many ways my relationship with her was more straightforward than with my own mum.

My exes whole personality changed around his parents.
I was quite astounded when I saw it.

A lot of adults regress a little when theyre around/talking to their own DPs

"Its not me it was DW!" to retain DPs approval etc..

I know proper grown ups who are sensible in everyday life but "play up" to their DPs..

You get some husbands who will let their wives take the fall when they want to confront their own parents. (Some DDs do this too)

Bitch to wife about how annoying it is when DPs do XYZ. Wife agrees and suggests speaking to DPs.
Husband rings his DPs and says "can you not do XYZ anymore, my wife doesnt like it!"

Pinches of salt...

You hear a lot on here from mothers who continually soak up complaining from their adult sons about their wives.

I think one should be warey of this. The "offloading" type often cuts both ways and they turn around and offload to wife about you..

Rather than soak it all up and then wonder why son then "goes along" with what their awful wives apparently want.. I think there should be a limit on bitching (which is what it becomes if its regular and they dont appear to want to do anything about it) and phrases like "should you be talking to them rather than me about this" come in useful

Quite honestly I believe that a lot of sons/husbands and daughters/wives cause IL issues:

Complain to mum&dad about wife/husband
Complain to wife/husband about mum&dad
Both parties love them and become defensive on their behalf, meaning that IL relations are always strained

You don't hear much from those of us who get along just fine. I have two SILs and two DILs. I'm easygoing, sensible and undemanding.

I sometimes have the grandchildren to stay, they all visit fairly regularly and we all have fun.

I understand that all parents have their own rules and preferences. I take a (comfy) back seat and let them get on with it, always trying not to criticise.

I'm just very grateful that my adult children have partners willing to put up with them - and delightful children too!

I got on very well with my MIL but according to Mumsnet most are selfish, domineering, can’t wait to take over their grandchildren and constantly buy them unsuitable gifts.
Well youre not going to post an AIBU about someone you have no problems with are you?
And there are as many DParent issue threads as IL threads on MN..

Its because its always the young mothers' fault..
Mothers of daughters who have clashed over grandparent/parenting style say they have a DD issue not a SIL issue.
If its their son objecting its always assumed a DIL is driving it.

There are DD issue threads. Just not so many SIL threads or DS issue threads..

Just an unscientific observation

I have realised that I may buy unsuitable gifts!! But I am learning. Vouchers in future.