No DiLs - thank goodness!

I got on very well with my MIL but according to Mumsnet most are selfish, domineering, can’t wait to take over their grandchildren and constantly buy them unsuitable gifts.
I have only sons in law and the relationship seems much easier for all of us. As I have 4 daughters I really didn’t need more girls around but boys were a welcome addition.

I have two daughters of my own as well as two dils and all four get on so well. My youngest dd barely remembers a time when her sisters-in-law weren’t a part of our family as she was only 4 & 5yo when each came into our lives.

Agreed madgran

"when they are with you, it’s your rules and we are happy that you will always do what’s best for them’."

That is exactly how it should be if parents are happy to leave their child with someone else! However, doesnt always work like that, sadly.

When I read the title of this thread, I thought to myself "here we go again...." but I was mistaken. How lovely to read such sensible posts on the MIL. /DIL theme for once. There have been many very strange threads recently on the subject with almost surreal content.
NotSpaghetti your sentence. I think people are just people is very apt. It's ridiculous to generalise.
As my DDs and DIL become more experienced as parents I have tended to respect their autonomy and only ever give advice or opinion if specifically asked. It helps that they are all doing a brilliant job anyway.

Nice posts considering what day this is (valentines day... day for love of all sorts I think)
♥️ to all of us!

What a lovely post nannak54 and also the op nannagrampy. Its so nice to read of people just making it work.
No preening or gushing, just working through life giving and taking. I take my hat of to all of you who have made a success of your family relationships long may it last
I've not been so successful (I dont use the word lucky because it negates all the work some people put into their relationships)
But I dont begrudge those that are.

I count my blessings. I have two lovely Daughters-in-law and a very special Mother-in-law.....
MIL needs a bit of support now and I am more than happy to provide her with whatever she needs

My MIL was the typical mother in law from hell - and according to my husband, she was also the mother from hell! She was a really selfish woman, very domineering, with a vile temper and at times quite cruel. I never had a row with her, I was always respectful to her, I never kept her from seeing the children, but God, did I detest her! Thankfully, I have a gorgeous DIL, love her to bits. She's so kind and easygoing, our son is a very lucky lad. We get on really well, no rules where the children are concerned, we can see them any time, and probably see more of them than DIL's parents do. Having said that, I will drop everything, if I can, to help them out, and they know I will always help if possible. I am quite an easygoing person myself, very accommodating, hate confrontation and I wouldn't dream of interferring in their lives. After reading some of the comments on here (and especially Mumsnet) I realise I am very lucky, the attitude of some new parents (and new grandparents) is truly awful. It's not rocket science, if both sides are respectful, thoughtful and can each put theirselves in the others' shoes, hopefully, all should be well. I do know, however, that there are always exceptions, and I feel for those who just can't get along, it must be terrible.

I have a wonderful DiL. I cannot workout what DS did to deserve such a lovely girl and persuade her to marry him. In fact we get on with all her family and act as if we were one. I have never had to tread on eggshells or choose what I say to her. She is the best ever.

I had an equally good relationship with my MiL. Once again I could not have had anyone better than her. Again my parents liked DH's parents and got on really well with them.

I feel really sorry for those who do not get on with their DsiL and MsiL.

I have a DIL - thank goodness!

I have two DILs and no daughter. They are very different to each other but for both of them, their children ( our grandchildren) and their husbands are top priority. I have nothing but respect for them both. I hate to think how my autistic grandson would have got on if he didn’t have a mum (and dad) who fought everyone to get him help.
I love both my DILs.

I think people are just people. Some we get on with better than others but as a mother, mother-in-law and someone with a mother in law I do hate the way mother-in-laws are regularly vilified.

I do make a point doing my best on points of disagreement to only voice my opinion once as “going on about” methods of child rearing is annoying. The parents are always right. I always do exactly as requested even if I think it’s silly. I do tell them what I think but say something like “I know we disagree on this and I feel x because of y but I’ll do it your way as he/she is your little one”.
Sometimes they change their mind, sometimes they don’t.

I love them all for the love they give to my husband, my adult children, my grandchildren and to me.

I'm another lucky one - I have two lovely DsIL who I've never had a cross word with.
I respect their views and they seem to respect mine, and on the very odd occasional when there could potentially be a clash, we are all perfectly willing to compromise.

Maybe it is easier because I never had daughters of my own.

JuliaM. What a dreadful story

Just a quiet cheer for the "daughters of my heart" who bring such blessings into our life.

I was very lucky with my own lovely Mil - having only a houseful of boys (it was a very male household altogether) I think she was so grateful for someone who’d take the slightest interest in e.g. new kitchen curtains!

Given all the problems you read and hear about (a friend is suffering very badly because of a DiL who’s apparently determined to hate her) I’m often thankful that I only have dds.
Having said that, my married dd has a truly wonderful MiL, and the dd who’s ‘partnered’ likewise gets on very well with his mother, who couldn’t be nicer to her.

It does make a really refreshing change to hear of good Mil/DiL relationships and also how its managed in a sensible common sense sort of way.

Hats off to all of you that make it work !!

JuliaM Wow what an interfering, self obsessed MIL your daughter has. She deserves to be banished for that.

I have one DiL, andI love her to bits. My DS did a wonderful thing when he chose her for his wife. They have 2 girls and are the most amazing loving family.

I feel very fortunate as I get on really well with my DIL`s.
As far as the G/Children go what I say goes, my house my rules and there`s never been a problem.
My DIL`s call on me whenever they need my help and I am happy to oblige.
Lets face it they are young for a short period of time and I will miss them when they don`t need my help.

I have two dils and one granddaughter. No problems so far but I am very careful not to interfere or criticise. I expect the mother of my granddaughter to go to her own mother first , why wouldn't she, as my son comes to me. I did not have a good relationship with my own mil as she was very critical and overbearing, whilst hardly ever helping out. I am determined to be very different.

I have 5 Son-in-Laws but no Daughter-in-laws, l get on with all of them, even my late daughters widower. Youngest DD though is not happy with her M-l-L who constantly thinks they are a bottomless money pit, and demands expensive gifts for her Birthday and Christmas pressents, producing a Wedding gift type list complete with names of suppliers and colours and sizes she would prefare. She then takes it upon herself to say where the family should take their holidays, again costing way more than a young family can afford, and sulks and screams when she is then told fimly No Thankyou.
My daughter lost her patience recently with this woman, they are trying hard to save for a deposit on a house, M-l-L finds outthat they have a smallnest egg towards this,many by being nosey with bank statements whilst my daughter was out at work and she was looking after the children, (her eldest daughter 12,caught her doing it. Anyway,the next thing is she announces that she has booked the entire family on a holidayto Disneyland,and paid the deposits, asking DD to repay her the costs for their deposits,and the eventual balance, a total .of just over 5k. DD thought she was joking, until she produced the paperwork,and said, she hadseen their bank statement and theycould easily afford it!
My DD hit the roof, as did S-I-L when he found out, needless to say that M-I-L is banned out.of their lives at the moment, they will not be going on holiday or anywhere else with her, shes dug herself a financial pit and its up to her to get out of it, her whole attitude is selfish and uncaring, let alone controlling, lwould never do that to anyone, least of all my children.

I’ve got two dils and one sil. We get on well with all of them, they’re all lovely. No problems with the grandchildren although because our sons live long distances away we’ve never cared for them on a regular basis.

MIL’s have always been a bit of an issue but I wonder if today’s problems have arisen because GPs have to do so much more care than in previous generations. It was different when you just saw granny on a Saturday afternoon for a cup of tea. Although I do recall my mil trying to give my 9mth old a drink of tea with milk and sugar! I didn’t think it necessary to go NC over that, though.

I've got both varieties and get on well with all of them - especially the one who left my sick son and I could cheerfully throttle her now!! His new partner seems lovely.