No DiLs - thank goodness!

I only have the one daughter,so I don't have any DIL. But believe me,sons-in-law can be just as bad. I have tried,I really have,but it has reached the stage now,after nearly 17 years and many unpleasant arguments,where we just 'tolerate' each other. Even my Dd admits now,that the problem is mainly him. From the word go,he resented me,didn't like the fact that Dd and I had a close relationship and just could not accept that he was the only important person in his life.
I have as little to do with him as possible nowadays. I feel so much happier for it too.

I have two DiL's - one is amazing and the other one, 'not-quite-the-same'!

Eldest son's wife has 'dragged him down' with her aggressive attitudes to almost everything in life, is a raving hypochondriac and can't hold down a job for more than a couple of months before going 'off-sick' or arguing with other work colleagues.

Younger son's wife has been 'the making of him'. She got him to consider the consequences of his actions - to stop him from 'going off the rails' at the age of 18 - and they are the most wonderful parents to their three sons. Her own mother died when she was a small baby and we are so very close.

Some in laws consciously or unconsciously appear to undermine their children in the way their grandchildren are brought up and I do think the worst culprits are paternal grandmothers, particularly if they have had a close relationship with their son (Jealousy?). My daughter has an ongoing battle with her mil over the fact that her eldest son struggles with his weight and will eat for England if not controlled. His grandma buys in large boxes of biscuits and sweets which the boys are able to help themselves to with no restraint and meals are pizzas and burgers. My grandson at 13 is deemed obese but last year my daughter managed to reduce his weight by 1 stone over a period of 6 months due to being firm, careful monitoring and healthy eating only for him to go and stay with his father and grandmother for a fortnight and return having put on all the weight he had lost and with a carrier bag full of multipack biscuits, chocolate and sweets! Daughter then has to be the nasty mum who takes them off him.

I have three lovely DiLs who also get on well with each other. It might help that my DS also have a very good relationship. They are all scattered across different corners of the globe, which might also help. Familiarity might otherwise breed contempt but somehow I doubt it.

I appreciate that we are very lucky in this.

I have the most amazing daughter in law and feel that late in life I have acquired a daughter. So blessed.

I have 2 lovely DiLs. Both great mothers & I am very fond of them both.
My own MiL was very sweet although coming from a very different background to me- we got on fine- once I had mastered understanding her lovely Irish accent anyway! I was totally lost for the first few months!

Having only one heterosexual daughter I don't have dil problems. Nor do I have sil problems. He is firmly HER problem. I don't interact with him at all. He is a vile man. Her choice.
Now he realises (after several attempts) that he cannot ever control me (sadly he controls my daughter) I don't hear from him.
My daughter knows my feelings, I will support her if she leaves, but after several years of this bullshit I am bored of listening to it. Sad, even worse for my grandkids ?

I have 2 DIL that are as different as day and night. The one is aloof and can be very rude. I try to accept her as she is, but have been hurt by her over and over. The 2nd DIL is warm and sweet. It is a constant struggle inside to not show favoritism.

I am blessed with a daughter in law that I love as much as my own children. She is a wonderful Mummy to my Grandaughter and I am close friends with her parents who I didn't know before my son met her. We have very similar family values and respect each other's opinions but of course don't agree on absolutely everything !!

Thanks Maw ?, I’m flattered !

Just a short post, I have both a lovely MiL and a lovely DiL.

Glad to see nice messages on in-laws for a change on here so many have dreadful problems.

People only post here if they have a problem, just like Mumsnet. When asked a huge number of people on Mumsnet love their MILs. I did and, even though I separated from her son, she was always a great support for me and my daughter.

I have sons and daughters in law. One of the DILs came with a lot of issues regarding self esteem. Her Parents had a terribly acrimonious divorce and some of her siblings went with their Mother, some with the Father. My DiL went with her father. Not seen her Mother for years.
She is actually a lovely girl, kind, very intelligent and thoughtful, but not to me.
We are a two parent loving family and I just don’t think she can cope with us having a place in our sons life. She is jealous and insecure.
It’s very sad. Nevertheless I just keep contact to a minimum, as I know she wants my son to choose between us and her. He won’t ever allow her to go non contact. We meet and are polite but I feel very sorry for her.
It just illustrates the importance of having parents who don’t screw you up. Well not too much any way.lol
All the rest of the in laws are great.

I've had two father in laws who I didn't really get on with, the first one was French and spent all his time running down English food, I felt compelled to disavow him of his out dated views, he lived in England for a year or two in the 1950s when the food, I imagine was pretty awful, he would say "the English boil all their food, everything even the meat" but when I met him, even though it was back in the '70s England had moved on from boiled cabbage and Brown Windsor Soup. Conversely my 2nd late father-in-law was the polar opposite, hated anything foreign particularly the French and I then spent any time with him defending everything French, as I have some French family as well as a French ex. Of course he'd never been anywhere remotely foreign, so he hadn't a clue, just a complete xenophobe. Thankfully my dear husband never shared his point of view. His idea of travel was to the far reaches of Scotland and Ireland both of which are pretty similar to here. God those men both got on my nerves...............but mother-in-laws, I was fine with.

One son's girlfriend of five years is lovely, other son's girlfriend, well it's early days. After some ups and downs I have a reasonable relationship with his ex, the mother of our grandchildren which is important to me, she told me recently, she is always happy for the children to come to us, so I can't ask for more than that really.

Hithere oh yes the wonderful DIL that can’t even spare 15 minutes for her very gracious (by the sounds of it) MIL to see her new born GS! Talk about twisting things. We’ve all read some of the nasty comments on that thread. Pretty disgusting tbh.

I love my DIL dearly . She really is like a 4th daughter and she is a wonderful wife , mummy , sister in law , auntie and friend . I am so lucky she is in our lives .
I'm sad for those who arent so lucky . I do understand. My own MIL was difficult. Blamed me for taking her precious son " away " to another city , when , in fact we went with his job, not mine , and could never get away .
You win some , you lose some xxx

The century I live in now.

Go and read some threads here.

There is one where a recent postpartum mother did not thank mil for the presents - but her son did- and dil was condemned dil for being rude.

How many MIL complain that dil does not reply to her messages and call but dil has her dh reply?

I have noticed, as has DD, that when DH and SIL get together, which is not often, it always seems an opportunity for some male bonding.
DH loved my mother too and was very good to her.

I loved my MIL and she loved me. She had 4 sons and always said I was worth more than the four of them put together. I really miss her now she is gone.

Hithere - what century are you in?

Oh come on! This one! There are DILs up and down the land left with the care duties on both sides. SILs going part time to care for his ILs is staggeringly rare.

Sisters in laws are pitched at enimies if they dont instantly become BFFs. Brothers in law get away with remaining aquaintances.

There definitely ARE double standards. Male inlaws can sit happily on the side lines. Female ones are seen as cold and offish if they do that..

my two daughters have mils who make no effort to come see their grandkids but are all over their own daughters kids pees me off especially as ive always told them to never let the mil feel pushed out . works both ways

Well Hithere my husband's case must be the exception to the rule then - he loved my Mum more than his own and saw more of her than his. He regularly gave her lifts (she didn't drive) and interacted with her in a lovely way (he used to torment her and have 'her on' something terrible and she loved it!). She absolutely loved him to bits. When she was ill he would drop in to see her on his way home from work. When she was dying, he was my rock and helped me no end to look after her. So, in his case, his life did change and he did get involved with his inlaws.

Hithere - what century are you in?
I don’t recognise any of what you describe. Not for myself and certainly not for any of my adult children.

Sil is not expected to be friends with his fil, I forgot
They are supposed to be civil and friendly.
Another double standard