Do we mollycoddle our children today?

Like others here, I had a lot of freedom as a child to be with other children, playing out on the street, going into town, into the country, going to parks, the sea, swimming pools. At quite a young age my friend and I went youth hosteling in the Highlands of Scotland on our own, walking from hostel to hostel. I don’t think we could have been more than thirteen. I feel very sorry for children nowadays who are always supervised by adults. What sort of life is that? I feel sorry that some people here felt neglected and possibly were. But it was common practice even in families with nurturing, caring, stay-at-home mothers like my own. Domestic work in the home was demanding. The idea that mothers would have the time or inclination to play with or entertain their children for any length of time would have seemed bizarre. There was a wonderful child’s world and culture where games and street songs were passed on from child to child from generation to generation. All gone now. Yes, there was risk. But statically it was quite small and is probably constant and no less now, just takes other forms. I remember us children as a group defending ourselves from iffy men. Also any adult would step in for any child. I suppose now an unsupervised child on their own would be more at risk because so unusual.

The council moved us when I was 9 so I caught the bus on my own to continue at my old primary school as we were then out of catchment area. There wee several big roads to cross with no crossing warden. Occasionally, I'd walk back if I wanted to save the bus fare- a couple of mile, I guess.

I played out all day in the holidays too as mum just wanted to get on with the housework. I never saw or experienced anything bad and I didn't live in a the best of areas, but I knew I could call on a neighbour if I needed help if my parents weren't there.

I don't think our parents neglected us, I just think the expectation of sensible behaviour was higher. I see less sensible behaviour now because children are not allowed to make mistakes or do anything by themselves without adult supervision. I have grown up to be independent and sensible.

I do wonder if the fact that we began work at a young age ment that childhood was brief. I am 74 and of a generation that left school at 14 most on to apprentice places or college or into work. The childhood years were gone all too swiftly and lived in expectation of the adult world looming large.

And yes,i still worry every time my 21yr old goes out on the roads even though hes a very good safety- conscious driver! (Especially was worried when he had the scooter!) He keeps saying he'd like a full motorcycle licence next,hes giving me nightmares i tell him to be careful every time he leaves the house,its become a standing joke now

Many people of our generation were neglected, abused and traumatised. And still suffering from that. These days young kids are taught self defence and good boundaries around their bodies as well as being allowed to express their feelings, needs etc. It does sometimes seem a bit excessive but they will ultimately be better adjusted adults I’m sure. Yes all play is supervised by parents. They are keeping the kids safe. Sad in many ways but also better I feel.

Maybe we just hear of 'bad things' more and kids do too,via internet,even if its just news online,i think it frightens them more to even go out& try things,but also it IS a worse place,in some ways yes,as when we were young,out with friends at 16,17,18,most that usually may happen is the boys might have a 'punch up' over something,but now,they get in arguments or look wrong way at someone and they risk getting stabbed! Or shot! Its not worth the risk of the young adults going out these days,(or maybe thats how they see it?) so they stay in.

#1 daughter flew to France alone, aged 12, to visit family and had to change from airport to station in Paris. On the return flight all the luggage of the flight was mislaid and we were waiting for the passengers to come out of immigration and they were late, then daughter came through. She had been organising for EVERYONE'S luggage to be sent home to them. She is still very bossy

I walked to school alone, went to the shops and played out from an early age, with older kids, as did many here. But the situation with grandchildren and probably others in their generation is a little more complicated. Grandson was spending half the week with mum and half with dad in a different flat, Mum and dad had separated. Both worked and at nursery and primary school we had a rota of grandparents or mum if off to collect him and take him to where ever that day. He's almost 13 now and has gone to secondary school alone on tube and bus or walk and bus for 3 years, since starting secondary school, and from the top of primary school. But his little sister, now 4, had to be collected from the teacher at nursery and now reception class. I think they insist on that until the top 2 classes at primary school.

I think peer pressure and all the information they are bombarded with makes for a safety conscious generation, just glad my children are grown up and I dont have to make decisions for my grandchildren - just know how to keep my silence

I was looking after my 4 nephews after school for 2 hours from aged 11. All very young and little s@ds too! We survived but looking back it was a huge responsibility.

I need to start training the youngest now to stand on his own 2feet his older brother (21) has gained confidence in leaps& bounds since first getting a (motor) scooter at 16 then getting a full driving licence& a car at 19..so still plenty time to make the youngest grow up.

Oh this subject interests me so much because it’s my view that we are the last generation to have had a proper childhood.

My grandparents, parents and I all played outside unsupervised, often out for the whole day in the school holidays!

My children had a certain amount of independence, but I did need to know where they were, and what time they were to come home.

I look back with such fondness of my carefree childhood, walking, cycling miles, and yes I too caught the bus alone to get to Grammar school.

I feel quite sad that children today spend so much time in their rooms staring at some screen or other, or out but accompanied by a parent.

Is the world really so much more dangerous or is it just that we hear more about the dangers?

I think what I find most distasteful looking back is that whatever happened to you when you were out unsupervised for, was your fault!

This wasnt down to individual parents it was universal among friends/neighbours that kids were afraid to tell their parents if theu got hurt/upset/creeped out by a dirty old man, as they would get in trouble for it. We got im trouble for coming home early. We got in trouble for coming home hurt. We got in trouble if the babies got hurt so didnt tell if they took a tumble.

There was a sad comeradery amongst the kids where we didnt tell about when things went wrong
My parents werent as bad as others on this but I still remember getting into trouble at 5ish cause a toddler got soaked through in a puddle!

Yes i think its dependant what sort of person you are,im a 'glass half full' kind of person.

My oldest AC,is almost 40,she wasnt 'smothered' as she helped out with her younger siblings,but she has treated her own kids according to how much 'coddling' they need i think,except the youngest now 6 ( born many yrs after other 2)she tries to mollycoddle her more than my GD wants i think,so its a real battle of wills

Forgot to say, I was eight.

I used to get up, organise my two younger brothers; set and light the fire on the range. then we prepared a full scale bacon, sausage, eggs, fried bread Sunday breakfast. Brothers were four and six.

Nowadays the GCs don't 'play out'. I thought it was every kid's right to play out in their neighbourhood. Much less prepare and light a fire and cook breakfast.

Children these days are taken everywhere, wear helmets when on scooters (but not on climbing frames.... why) and are not allowed to become street wise.

I would argue that we werent given any tools to be streetwise. It was sink or swim. Some sunk.

Like what I was saying about minding babies without any clue what we were doing. It wasnt fair.

What did all this do for me? It gave me self confidence and the ability to walk into a roomful of strangers for a social event on my own. To be able to go out and socialise on my own, have an interview without stress.

I think thats you rather than a product of the time. Plenty of my generation are crippled by anxiety/shyness/loneliness

Looking at these posts i think it must have been the thing back then for a parent to take you to a place once,and expect you to remember where you were going!??- My youngest started going school& back on his own late in year 5 (he was just 10) as i had had a foot operation.but we live 3minutes from the school.his brother had moved up to high school by then& got bus.so he took himself after that.& joined his brother on bus when he went to high school.But he seems to have got worse as hes got older as shop is near his old primary school but he wont even go to it!

Until I was six years old my mother would take me to school. This stopped when mother started work and meant with both parents working mother would leave a key in our garden shed so I could let myself into the house when I came home from school. The world following ww11 was a much safer place to be than it is now and I would never let any child in todays world do what I had to do all those years ago.

This is a great thread. Mum came with to school on the first day, aged 5, and that was it. We came from Germany when I was nearly 6 and went to Blackpool to live for a few weeks. The first day there mum took me to the bus stop, told me to get on the bus with the other children and go into school with them. Find the head teacher and tell her I am a new girl. Given bus fare, dinner money and my address of where we staying was written on a scrap of paper.

I was often out all day with friends, playing in the river, cycling with no helmets and just doing stuff. Also mum and dad went out at night and I as the eldest, aged 10, babysat for the other 3 and often on call for the neighbours children.

What did all this do for me? It gave me self confidence and the ability to walk into a roomful of strangers for a social event on my own. To be able to go out and socialise on my own, have an interview without stress.

Children these days are taken everywhere, wear helmets when on scooters (but not on climbing frames.... why) and are not allowed to become street wise.

Ironically "childminding" was one of her work from home jobs. So there was always lots of us.
"Childminding" back then meant letting us indoors for a meal, then shooed back out again
Funny looking back but Im glad I didnt have to leave my kids at old style childminders

In one word... yes, I will be 70 in a few weeks and I remember starting work at 15 in Bond Street in London, I lived in the east end of London so I had to catch a bus to the tube station and change tube lines to get to Green Park station, in total my journey took an hour and a half there and back, I would leave home at 7.30am and arrive home after work at 7pm. And for a time I also had two training evenings when I didn’t get home till 9pm!! Plus I worked a half day on Saturday too.
Can’t imagine my Grandchildren being allowed to do this and there would be uproar if they were expected to.
My own two Daughters were not mollycoddled, no mobile phones for them and they did what teenagers used to do, both have grown up confident and I feel quite balanced.
I sometimes wonder about the outcome of my Grandchildren they range in age from 26 to 5 years. ?

At the age of 11 onwards I had to cycle for three miles to the school bus stop in all weathers, and then 14 mile bus journey to school. I was nearly accosted a couple of times. I remember being ill and on my own, told to stay in bed. I didn't feel neglected but I was way down in the pecking order, as Dad came first, then Mum and then us kids. Times have changed.

I had a childhood similar to a lot here. Out after school until bedtime playing in the park, woods and climbing the local pit bing and sliding down it. All with friends same age. At weekends and school holidays swimming costume on, knickers wrapped in a towel with a bottle of sckoosh for sharing and if lucky a cheese sandwich, usually a couple of rich tea biscuits. Walk of one and a half miles to beach, spend the day there with friends all about 7/8 then. Back home for tea. No adult supervision, no swimming lessons, no sun protection. Did I feel scared, no, it was normal. I now live in an area with 100 houses divided into 5 streets. Children used to walk to a B road about 1/4 a mile for school buses. That was stopped and now busses come into the area, making awkward reverse turns to get out. The buses have to run to very strict times as no room for two busses in the roads at a time. Why the change? A parent complained the childrens got wet if it was raining walking to end of the road. The Council agreed to it as it didn't cost any more and they wanted to be "helpful". I have heard of a parent complaining when the communal grass is cut, that their child brings grass cutting in to the house! No mention of telling him to walk on the pavement from the bus stop or to take his shoes off before walking through the house. We don't just have a new generation of smothered children, there is one already the 30/40 year olds we reared. Imagine grass on shoes.