Do we mollycoddle our children today?

I am amazed when I see the current potential university students being accompanied by a parent to the interviews. They are 18 ! My children, now in their fifties would have died of embarrassment if I had wanted to join them. And they were ready to make their own decisions.

I remember when it was my first day at 'little' school,i was 5,(back in late 60's) I'd only been once before with mum,to 'put my down' for school,and mum took me first day morning,but it was around 2 corners(so 2 streets away) to get to home,and on first day a stupid teacher said to me (as everyone else had gone dinner hall& i didnt know where?) "Go on go home for your lunch now"- well i was not supposed to,i was sure i was supposed to be staying,but a teacher had said so,so off i trailed,finding my way home,scared as i wasnt to sure it was right way,& when i got there my mum& much older sister had gone out,so neighbour took me in& gave me soup& bread! Then my mum came home & took me back to school,told them off for teacher sending me home when i should have stayed to lunch,so i got a 'second' dinner from school.I remember when i was 11 too walking home on my first day from secondary school but we'd moved then& it was a bit further,and i was scared (a bit) as i wasnt very sure of way properly (did my mum only ever take me anywhere once?) so i decided to try follow some other girls who were in a group as i knew they lived near us.& some were saying "don't you know your own way home?" It was awful..I couldn't imagine doing that to any of my kids,only taking them to a place once& expecting them to know what they're doing/where to go.I made sure they were taken or we went a 'dummy run' a few times before high school so they knew if theyd to get the bus..& I certainly wouldnt let them go alone at primary age.How things change

I think so, probably yes. Like others, I remember saying 'I'm going out to play...' and mum would say 'be back before it gets dark.' I remember the things we did - climbing over walls into hidden old gardens, along a long hidden track to the river, down onto the beach. It was normal. When I had my own children the idea of that terrified me. Not know where they are? Be able to see them? I know I was too nervous and restictive. They have proved that (not counting traffic) there are no more dangers today than there were then when it comes to the unspeakable (abduction etc.) but we are too afraid now and children have lost that sense of adventure and solving problems for themselves and being responsible that we have. I know I still step in too much - my children are adults but still I am there with money to help out and wanting to fix things. I think in the past there was far more the idea that once you were grown, you looked after yourself. Saved for what you wanted, sorted out your own affairs far more than now when parents (me included) can't seem to let them go and deal with things themselves.

From the time I was 8 and my brother 5 years old we were sent on our own, on the train, all the way from Newcastle to Bristol every year, to spend our summer holidays with our grandparents in Somerset. Only a word with the guard to keep an eye on us now and then. We were so poor that was the only holiday we had as children and our parents had no holidays at all. This sounds like the 1930s but it was actually the early 1970s!

We also, at the same age, walked more than a mile to school on our own, on busy roads, as our parents had to be at work.

We just accepted it, as normal life. I think it made us resourceful and independent. I don't regret a thing, and it was glorious in those endless 1970's summers to be left to wander the countryside all day, no questions from grown-ups, only coming home for meals (apart from obligatory housecleaning sessions with my grandmother). I feel sorry for today's kids, monitored, accompanied and supervised to within an inch of their lives.

I was born in the 1950's and spent most of the (when not at school) out on the streets playing with my friends - until we were called in by our Mums. From the age of 9 I was a "latchkey" kid - both parents worked full-time. I would let myself in at lunchtime and eat what she had left for me; and let myself in after school. I remember feeling very grown up but also lonely. Yes, we were given more freedom but it wasn't always wanted. It will be interesting to see if the kids today grow up feeling more secure as a result of their "mollycoddling". Time will tell.

There are many different kinds of mollycoddling. For many parents living in towns or cities it would quite rightly be unthinkable to allow the children to roam as freely as many of us were able to do. But this has to be done in a more structured and thought out way.

I certainly think children are not given nearly enough responsibility for themselves from an early age. I know of children who never tidy up after themselves, never even cut up their own food, never get themselves ready for school on time, never take responsibility for having the right things in their school bag. These kind of things result in totally clueless young men and women who have no idea how to negotiate their way through life.

I walked alone 2 miles to primary school because my siblings were older and at a different school. It was an urban area but much quieter traffic-wise back then. I was only scared if I saw an unleashed dog which meant I would turn back! I also recall when I was 11/12 being the first to arrive home. I would clear the ashes from the grate and relay and light the fire. Secondly I'd peel vegetables for supper, until mum and siblings arrived to take over. No central heating - it didn't seem like doing chores, just a necessity for us all to be warm. How times have changed.

I have 2 grandson 10 and 7 their mum brings them up like I brought my children up proper food and lots of hugs and kisses but most of all she tells them she loves them all the time I think its how we bring our children up that rubs of and teaches them how to be good parents

I have a very vivid memory of playing out at 3. I can remember getting so excited that no one had found me in hide and seek that I wet myself! Can even remember that I was wearing a pair of yellow dungarees. Walked to school for 40 minutes through Portsmouth at age 4 but I was with my big brother who was all of 8, well just he was August born. Think although the traffic dangers were not there so much the other dangers were but no one was so aware of them. I can remember taking my 3 young cousins out and babysitting when I was 10. Walk all align the beach and seafront with them. These days my 10 year old granddaughter doesn’t walk to school on her own.

A couple of years ago I visited primary schools in Helsinki. The children there are given a lot of independence with even the youngest children taking public buses across the city to school, on their own. In class the children do not wear socks or slippers, just their socks. I hurriedly went to pick up some drawing pins from a classroom floor for obvious reasons, but was reprimanded by the teacher, who, when I explained the children may step on the pins, replied “they will do it only once”!

When I was a child I played in the street all day without supervision, walked to school, made my own snacks, went into Durham alone on a bus, chose my own clothes.
When my children were young we lived on a farm, they went off exploring alone, cooked their own food (I was working) caught the bus too and from school, they worked on weekends and had responsibilities. Went camping alone (when they were older)
My two youngest grandchildren (11 and 9) are not allowed to take the school bus, are not allowed to play anywhere but the back yard, don’t choose their own clothes, cannot cook the simplest of food, do not clean their rooms and have no responsibilities in the house at all.
So yes some kids today are very mollycoddled

I only lived 5 minutes from Primary school, but at 11 I passed the 11plus to go to grammar school in the nearest town 10 miles away - by bus. At that time we had free bus passes for the whole time that we were in full time education. The only ones that were taken by car tended to be the ones that went to private school.
I enjoyed taking the bus to school (once I got over travel sickness!) and it was great because you met and made friends with people from other villages and schools that you wouldn't normally meet.
I used to run errands for my grandmother who lived next door , so was able to go all over the village on my own.
Mum didn't think twice about leaving me in the house on my own if she needed to go to the shop certainly from when I was about 8 and when I was 12 or 13, I was allowed to stay at home alone while the rest of the family visited family about 4o minutes away, for the afternoon.
My own son only walked to school on his own from 9 when he went to middle school, about 10 minutes away - I can't remember how old he was when he was allowed to stay at home alone - he was about 15 or so when he used to catch a bus each Saturday to a friends house.
In my village, you do still see children going to the shop without an adult, usually in twos or with an older sibling but having said that, one of my nieces went to the town centre where she lived when she was about 14 (this is about 15 years ago) and got beaten up by a group of girls because she didn't go to the same school as they did , so they reckoned she was a snob!!!

I can remember walking home on my own from my first Infant school - we moved around by 7th birthday so it must have been when I was 6!! It was about a mile, not a straight road and with several roads to cross one had a lollipop lady but the rest didnt, although there was less traffic back then and everyone walked so I guess someone would have kept an eye. It wasnt a regular thing so I guess Mum had something important on.

to answer the question "Yes"

however times have changed, more people, more cars, more everything

I am fortunate that my gks are not quite so mollycoddled,,
however... I often wonder where the "scaredness/fear" has come from...

I don't remember being scared at all when out alone. It was quite normal to get yourself to primary school and back in those days so all the local children did. We'd often be sent to the shops (a mile away) for things too, I suspect to get rid of us for a while!

We'd play out and head for home when the sun was going down. Nobody knew where we were. No, there was no way to contact home.

I remember once being wheeled home on (what was left of) my bike, with a bump on my head, concussion, seeing stars and vomiting - by other kids. My mother's reaction? Not well, so off to bed with you and a wet cloth on the bump!

I walked to school from about 7/8 on my own 4 times a day as I came home for lunch and had to walk back about 20 minutes each way crossing minor roads. In the holidays me and my cousin would play out all day with a drink and a sandwich and come back at teatime mostly in nearby fields. I remember on the way home once a man exposed himself to us we ran like the wind back to aunties house.

The worse thing that ever happened was I called for best friend whose uncle lived with them and he invited me in only she wasn’t there only him and he touched me up and it was hard to get away from him I was only about 9. I told my dad when we were by ourselves and I can still see the way his hands tightened on the steering wheel and his face so angry. We had just got to my nana’s house and he told me to go in and wait for him and drove off. Apparently he went to friends house and I don’t know what he did to said man but he never bothered me again.

I can't have been more than 8 when a friend's older sister started to take me to the riding stables - me sitting on the seat of her bike, her pedalling and the dog running alongside. We went all over the place to ride.

I, later, also cycled a mile or two to Guides and to visit friends. I took the neighbour's children out in their prams and walked them the couple of miles to my aunt's house and back.

When we moved to where we are now, some 30 years ago, DS was the youngest (at 9) of the mixed group of local children. They wandered through the fields, played in the barns (making tunnels through the hay - he didn't tell me until he was grown up!!), helping with the sheep dipping. They all looked after each other and took any injured friends home. They knew who lived in every house (and were known), so could have called anywhere for help.

It couldn't happen now. Too many people who aren't part of the community and only sleep here, not enough children... Would love to let DGD have the same experiences, but can't.

I was very independent from a young age, mainly due to a NM.
I did the majority of the house hold chores and cooked meals by the age of 11.
However for some reason the iron and washing machine were totally out of bounds!! I never understood why.

We currently have our 5 year old GD staying with us.
Yesterday we made meatballs and spaghetti together from scratch. Unfortunately it resulted in a little burn on her finger and a few tears.
She now knows that burns are treated with cold running water and ice and that not paying attention when dealing with hot pans means injury!!

How times have changed eh? I was born in 1954. So about 1960 onwards playing out was great fun. Hopscotch on the pavement ‘chalked up’ with a stone. Hula hoops. Roller skates. I remember my little sister falling over and boy did she cry. We all told her not to be mard. I felt cross as she would not stop crying and she had spoilt my game as I eventually had to take her home.

All the way down two streets of terraced houses she repeated the mantra ‘mind my arm, mind my arm’ as she held onto it with her other one.

Turned out it was broken, dear Reader.
?

Poor love. She was 6y at the time.

Witzend

You’re right, that would never happen now, they would be met at the port and put into the care of social services.

I’m currently backing two of my granddaughters (age 10, and cousins) to be allowed into the local town for a couple of hours on their own, it’s completely pedestrianised, and they’re familiar with it. I really can’t see the harm.

Oh the Good Old Day ???

A lot of experiences here similar to mine. Our back garden backed on to a stream which fed into a pond, from a very early age we were under a gap in the fence and playing round the stream and duck pond. Beyond the duck pond was a cricket pitch and beyond that was a common, this was my stamping ground from a very early age.

Often my brother and I would walk, with another girl who lived nearby possibly a mile to and from school, sometimes our mother would be take us and meet us after school but not always. Later on I would walk to and from Brownies held in our church hall, probably half an hour away. School holidays we were out all the time playing in and around the common.

I think most of us suffered from a benign parental neglect which probably developed us as people and helped us stand on our own two feet. I just don't think parents fretted over their children the way that became the norm, certainly when my children were growing up. I can remember on Christmas Eve, having gone to bed earlier, our parents trying to raise us to go to Midnight Mass, if they couldn't do that, they just left us in the house and went off. I'm sure that would be illegal today given our ages.

I think as children we had an innate sense of danger. One school holiday, aged about 10, I and a couple of friends got the train to nearby Box Hill, a few stops away, lying on the grass having a picnic we were approached by a man who got talking to us, firstly about innocuous things like school, he eventually asked us whether we were wearing any underwear, what colour etc., we just scarpered as fast as we could

I walked the 2 miles to school when I was 6 in the 50s. I played out all day and came home when the street lights went on. I went to Sunday school alone and visited friends. I lived in a small town and there weren’t so many cars then.

My own children who were brought up in the Netherlands also went to school alone from the age of 8. It wasn’t very far with no busy roads. Later they went everywhere on their bikes.

I think a certain amount of independence is good and teaches them responsibility.

Just remembered, from a young age was often asked by Dad to pop to the shop to buy his ciggies! Park Drive or Senior Service. Imagine that happening now!

This is a really good question Urmston makes me realise how much freedom with did have in the 50's and 60's compared to my grandchildren today

I walked to school on my own as both parents worked, from first starting school. No breakfast club in those days. Luckily Infant school was at the top of the road, with only one road to cross. I remember at the age of 6 I was put on a bus by a teacher, and met the other end by Mum. I remember feeling so grown up.

We lived in a Bungalow which came with Dad's job. So school holidays we were left to our own devices. With Dad popping over every so often to see we were ok (his office was literally yards away). If we were 'up to no good' one of us kept a look out to see if he was coming over

We played ball games outside in the street until it was dark. Then decided it was time to go home.

Was never allowed a bicycle though, as Mum said the roads were too dangerous! This was early 60's