Do we mollycoddle our children today?

Even before I could read I was sent up the road - it was quite a way - with money and a list for the shop. And taking the bus home from school on my own from about 6 - I missed the usual bus once (dawdling) and didn’t realise there’d be another if I just waited, so walked (dawdled) taking time to have a good look at the pet shop on the way. My poor mother was frantic!

Rather more recently, my name and that of another mother at dd2’s school were mud, after we allowed our 13 year old dds - after much pleading - to go on their own on a day trip via train from London and ferry - to Calais. It would be an adventure! they had argued, and of course they’d practise their French!

I won’t say I wasn’t worried - there were many exhortations of Don’t do anything silly! Stay together! Keep your passport and money safe!!!
But they had a whale of a time and came back safe and sound.
Dd2 is nearly 40 - I doubt I’d ever allow such a thing now!

But some of the other mothers at school....! One of them wouldn’t even let her dd go to the local town for shopping on her own on a Saturday.

Oh the memories of going to the local shop for ten Embassy tipped.

I was walking to school, either alone or with friends, aged 5.

Our door was rarely locked and if it was, the key was under the mat.

None of the local women worked - some never did, some were retired - so there was always someone around. We would be out for hours, in a large gang.

There would be fighting, stone throwing but no-one cared really-you learned to take care of yourself.

My childhood would give health and safety a fit these days. Growing up on a farm we had endless space. our only rules, stay out of the machine shed and away from the bull. My grandad still used horses for many tasks. The children in the family would be sat on their backs told hold the mane and tell them when to start and stop we felt so important. The big horses were so huge and gentle. Bee keeping without special protection, walking the cows to be milked,we never saw danger just taught to respect the animals and the land.

We had lots of freedom, I remember playing in the street from a very young age.
I remember my gran collecting me from infant school, but from junior school, all the children from our part of the estate walked together, probably a couple of miles. School holidays we were just free to do anything we liked, as long as it didn’t cost anything.

My children also had quite a lot of freedom, but they were all driven to and from school, and I liked to know where they were going. But my grandchildren have none at all.

Curlywhirley, I feel the same as you, I did sometimes wonder if I’d been neglected as a child, but it seems my childhood was much the same as other people’s in my age group. Walking to school alone, or with my older sister at five years old. Going to the dentist with my sister at seven years old, no mother, she didn’t think it was necessary to accompany us. Having the job of washing the dishes, plus pans, and leaving a spotless and tidy kitchen after dinner every night at seven years old. Taking the clothes to the launderette and washing and drying them from eleven years old, though that was only an occasional job when mum didn’t feel like doing the weekly wash in her twin tub. Washing the front paintwork and porch steps every week from eleven years old.

DH was sent to school by himself after the first time when he was taken to show him the way. He was eight and it was over 200 miles, two trains, changing in London.

I think my parents were fairly careful, given the times. We had a coin jar in the china cabinet, and were told we could pay for a taxi home if we ever got sick. My mother did not work outside the home until after my oldest sister was 13, but there were four of us, and it was quite a responsibility when you think back on it.

We were left up to our own devices for playing around the neighbourhood, or as far as our bicycles could take us, but were always told to knock on a door and if a lady answered, could ask to use the telephone.

I think we let children be children these days. When it's not realy that long till you have too much responsibility and you can't scratch an itch without throwing your back out it's a good lesson we've learned x

That reminds me, Calli that when ds1 started school we lived in a remote area of Scotland. He didn’t want to be taken to school after the first week as no one else’s mum went so he went off on his own. Then two ‘big’ girls from across the road knocked on the door and asked if they could call for him in the mornings, to which I said yes. They were two years above him so were mature girls of at least seven years of age. I look back and can’t believe how naive I was! ???

Back to your original question Urmston Was it character building or traumatising?
A bit of both I suspect.
I was given a lot of freedom but if I slipped up , like getting off the bus at the wrong stop and being late, I would get a row for being stupid!
I was 7 when I was put on an overnight train, to stay with an aunt, and the woman in the other bunk was asked to keep an eye on me.

At age 9 we sent DD to live with her DGP in France for a school term. She travelled by plane with her 11 yr old cousin. They both enjoyed the experience on the whole but we missed her. No different from children being sent to boarding school.

In 1957 as a baby I would be put outside in the pram for the morning. Mum told of brushing the snow off the apron before she brought me indoors for lunch ?
Then at 8 and 6 we lived in Scotland and school was a train journey away. Mum took us the first day then said, "You'll be ok by yourselves tomorrow won't you?" My brother said yes, I said no, but we went on our own from then on.
Beggars belief these days!

At six I was in charge of a younger girl, walking to school and home again, at nine I was walking a long way to Brownies in the evenings summer and winter in charge of her and another younger girl. Then she ran across the road and was knocked down. I can still see it now. She was injured but not fatally.

After that her father used to fetch us home if it was dark.

We still all caught a bus to school from age 7 but walked miles to go to the library on the way home instead.

I don’t think it was neglectful in all cases. In some places, everyone knew everyone else and I think parents had trust that should problems arise, there’d be someone who could step in. Most houses in those days had someone at home all day, unlike today.

Children today may have less freedom to go out and about physically but on the other hand, they have much more scope to be in contact with dubious characters online. That’s not a healthy way to grow up.

Actually, I am so pleased Urmstongran started this thread. It is a relief to hear other members had similar experiences to me. Lately, for some reason, I have thought quite a lot about my childhood; my Mum died 30 years ago and I had started to wonder what on earth was she thinking to bring us up that way. It is now obvious, thanks to you all, that it was quite common and sadly a sign of the times. Thank you ladies, it has made me feel a lot better

*Mouth full of fillings.

Jaffacake2 I also agree that though it sounds like we had a good time as there didn't seem to be much supervision, I do look back and think some of it was neglect. I have a mouth fully of fillings; I was never told to wash my teeth, and only started washing them regularly when I was about 10, not because I was told to, I just realised that I should. Also, being left on your own in the house for hours, being out all day and told not to come back until teatime. There were times when I was scared, but you just had to get on with it. I must have known it was wrong though, because I vowed I would never do those things when I had children. My experience definitely contributed to me being a very 'Mumsy' Mum!

I was much more careful with my children but dangerous situations happened to me as a child. 3 Men once tried to grab me as a teen and if I hadn't started cycling fast as soon as the car screeched to a halt next to me I don't know what would have happened! I went down an alley and I still remember losing a chunck of my hair as one nearly caught hold of me. I think now the dangers are more known. My children do help around the house and cook at times so not wrapped in cotton wall, just more supervised x

I look back and think I had carefree childhood. All the kids on the estate used to spend the summer on the beach and take old tyre wheels to play in the sea with. My mum like the others used to send us off with sugar sandwiches,and not expect to see us until the sun set. Sounds very Enid Blyton but now I look back and think it was neglect. All the children had accidents or mis haps,I broke an arm, my brother cracked his head open and some poor kid drowned.
So maybe not so idyllic. And what nutrition was in a sugar sandwich ?!!

I am amazed when I look back at how little supervision I had. Never got taken to school, even on the first day, just followed my older sister. Was a latch-key kid, as Mum was at work when I got home from school, and once my sister went to secondary school (I was 6) it was my job to make the fire, as I was first home. Can't believe I was trusted to do this. My Mum only washed on Mondays; as I didn't have enough school uniform to last a week (my Mum was a single parent, Dad beggered off when I was a few weeks old) at age 11 I started to do my own hand washing twice a week. Carried on doing this until I got married at 20. Needless to say, as soon as we could afford it, the first thing we bought when we got married was an automatic washing machine!

In the 1950s, I walked the 3 miles to school, in all weather's, alone. Part of the journey was across open fields with no houses or buildings or people anywhere nearby. In the school holidays, I was turned out of the house, straight after breakfast, and was given a bottle of water and a "sugar piece" to last me for the rest of the day until tea time. I used to walk the 4 miles, there and back, to go and play in a park that had a boating lake. I knew not to go back home until 5 o'clock. It was only when the Moors Murders started to happen that anyone started to think about children being out on their own and being in danger. I can't quite believe the risks that were taken with our safety but I suppose it was a different world then.

And (again as a junior school child) being admitted to the Royal Manchester Eye Hospital (on Nelson Street - I kid you not!) for an operation to correct a squint. I knew summat was up when we got to the children’s ward.... mummy stayed only a few minutes, I was with a nurse in a starched uniform, cap and upside down watch on her chest. Told not to be a silly girl, stop crying now, mummy would be back to see me ‘tomorrow’....

Maybe being frightened half to death under the age of 10y actually makes us stronger - long term??

Yes, the conductor I guess will have had oversight of her. When he wasn’t doing other things!

My own dc have flown as minors on planes. Dd1 met Sean Connery on board, the first time she flew alone, aged 12! He was lovely to her.

Oh gosh SueDonim ... Yugoslavia’s a long way for a child of 9y.! Although not ‘quite’ on her own I imagine. She will have been under the care of ‘someone’. - railway staff or similar to keep a vague ‘eye out’ until arrival. Ex pats in Saudi or Nigeria used to have their children flown out to them. Cabin crew ‘minded them’ for the journey. (1980’s).

My grandfather lived with us plus I had a sister who was eight years older so I wasn’t left to my own devices much. I did get out to play on my own quite a lot, though.

However, my older sister and bro were quite often put on a train from London to Wales to stay with relatives from the age of about five!

I also have a friend who went to boarding school at the age of nine. At the end of term she would be despatched by train to an elderly relative for holidays but at the end of each school year a teacher would put her on the Orient Express and she would travel to Yugoslavia, where her parents lived, all by herself! She’d do the journey in reverse, come September.

This reminds me of being left at home alone ‘poorly’ at 5 or 6 my dad came home at lunch to check on me and I thought he had left to go back to work as I danced down the stairs singing ‘pipkins , pipkins’!!! Needless to say that was a clout and sent back to bed, no more sick days for me.