Non traditional funeral/memorial service

A humanist service is probably what you want.
My family has had several over the years as they are not at all interested in the church.

Reading all these comments just made me decide to write my own ‘after passing message’. To thank my loved ones, tell a few funny stories about my life , things / people that meant a lot, and a message , because I just realised what I most miss when someone has gone is their ‘voice’ . I love those scenes in old movies when the Will is read out ...and to my dear daughter I leave my dinner set ....etc

No religion for me either.
I am simply leaving my body to medical science.
They can harvest what they want, use the leftovers as a teaching aid, then just dispose of the remains.
Sorted!

When my mother died we went to register her death and whilst at the registrars we found that one of their staff was trained to provide a "humanist" ceremony. She spent quite some time with us, finding out about our mother and her life, then wrote a piece about her. She sent this to us, so that we could discuss any changes we might like, and then conducted the service at the crematorium
This cut out all the quasi-religious stuff that you usually get at a cremitorium and we felt that it had been a good solution for a woman who was not religious.

Both my husband and I would like a woodland burial, with just close family present. Then maybe a memorial service a few weeks later for him, as he is quite well known in the area.

I have lived a long and full interesting life and not being religious want my going to be a celebration of my life.. No black clothes or flowers.

My father died last month and we had a civil celebrant for the funeral. She read a potted history, my brother in law did some anecdotes, we had a selection of photos as a PowerPoint on continuous loop, and some appropriate music as intro, closure of the crematorium curtains, and outro.

Dad lost his faith whilst dealing with the bodies washing down the Hooghly from Partition inspired massacres further upstream, and we felt that a religious service would not be appropriate.

Most of the people who attended thought it had been a "good" funeral.

We were put in contact with the celebrant by the funeral directors.

Dear Nanamar I have planned a none religious funeral for my self which involves cremation and a scattering of ashes already. It's also paid for. My husband wants a pod burial so if i go after him I shall be scattered around his tree, none religious again. Neither of us are privy to any certain religion, both children are aware. It's not being morbid it's being prepared and relieving the family of worry. Xxx

A non-religious funeral can be just as meaningful as a religious one, but please don't make the mistake a friend of mine did.

He forgot to ensure that someone would actually start the ceremony and we sat for ten minutes waiting for someone to do so.

Finally, I approached the nearest relation and asked if he was ready to say something. He wasn't, but asked me to start.

Apart from that it was a moving event, so please make sure that someone is prepared to take charge.

It isn't a morbid topic in my opinion, we all should think about what we want done, as we assuredly all will need a funeral one day.

I always feel that farewells, however they are done should be considered a vehicle for those left behind to process their loss. They are the ones who have to go on and live their lives without you so there is potential for that time to be a springboard into their futures. A good farewell draws a line and opens a door.

For my husband we had a service by a civil celebrant, who had discussed it with him, outside at a wooden burial site. We all gathered there with the coffin already there. He was then taken away after we had left for a cremation with nobody there. We went on to celebrate his life at a wake at a venue where we had celebrated our 60th birthdays 4 years earlier.

Thank you all - so many good ideas here and it’s comforting to me to know that others share my feelings about not wanting traditional (and, as many have pointed out, costly) services. I am definitely going to investigate “direct funerals/cremation” for myself and discuss what my DH’s wishes are for himself and get it all down in writing. Again, thanks for taking the time to respond to my post. It’s obviously a sensitive topic but it’s one that, especially as we age, we shouldn’t avoid. I can “hear” in so many of your descriptions, the love and peace you received from the very special memorials you designed for your loved ones.

Nana4 thank you for your lovely comment, it is much appreciated and you are right, the day was all about our love for her. I realise that my feelings are perhaps a bit out of kilter with most of the other posters but I know that she would have loved the whole thing from start to finish. The grief process is so complex and individual to us all.

Some lovely ideas here for very personal and special ways to remember a loved one. I wish we’d had my Mum at home now the night before the funeral.

When I die I’m going to the nearest university medical school.
It was easy to arrange. DH can do what he likes then, probably a party at home, though I would like a short memorial at church first as I am Christian.

DH wants to be buried at sea ?. It is possible, but he won’t know if I can’t manage it any way. A woodland burial otherwise.

I hope you’ve got some ideas. I don’t think it’s morbid anyway.
It’s coming to us all, might as well talk about it first.

I had a humanist celebrant for my dear late husband as he wasn't religious, his funeral was at a crematorium as I'm not that unconventional and his elderly mother may have been upset at anything too different.
We played his favourite music (rock and pop) rather than hymns and while the longer track was played the celebrant said that those who had a faith could offer a silent prayer. A eulogy was read out with inspirational poems, followed by tea/coffee/biscuits at a nearby hotel.

our mum wasn't religious, so at a usual crematorium we played her favourite French music, wore pink her favourite colour and talked about her before we went out for a meal. It was great & I'd do it again.

I've seen memory days and "parties" a lot on USA crime programs (I don't mean fiction).

They wear t-shirts with a photo of the deceased and let go of balloons, and have a BBQ or something.

This might sound daft, but... When we had to out or cat down (Chloe was 13) and even rabbit (Barney was 12/13) after a private cremation, we had a day out in memory of them.

So with Barney we went ice skating (yeah I know, random or what) and Chloe we went to a tall place (she liked climbing high and pretending she was stuck).

Now it.could be you rent a hall, and show their fave film, or have a.party with fave music.

You of course can have them home in their coffin, if you'd rather than in a funeral parlor.... Of course there is a delay between dying and being hurried.

You could donate to science, and they sort out the rest!

I want.to be sent.to a body farm! It's where they do stuff with dead bodies to help find out how long and how people died, and how being "disposed" of in different circumstances affects all sorts.

There's plenty around to research unconventional burials or wakes.

My brother’s mother-in-law was cremated with no ceremony of any sort, as they all had wished. They used a company called something like Simplicity Cremations. They could choose whether to have the ashes returned or not. I’m not sure what they did about this in the end.

The money which would have been spent on a funeral was given to the RNLI. MIL had been in the WRNS during the war. She was 96 when she died and had outlived most of her family and all her friends.

This seems infinitely more practical and sensible than a funeral.

I have paid for a direct cremation, hopefully it will be many more years before its needed. As an only child, my parents long gone, there will be only my daughter, son in law and 2 grandchildren and my best friend (if she hasnt gone before me), so would rather they did something special rather than sit in an almost empty church.

GrannyLaine, I enjoyed reading your account of your mother’s funeral. It sounded so loving and respectful. I also now realise that the celebration is also for those left behind, whilst respecting the deceased’s wishes. Food for thought.

As other posters DH and I have decided on direct cremation/s. Keep things simple. No risk of huge bill for family to pick up. Even a 'simple' funeral can be quite expensive.

Dec46, hilarious (funerals dying) but they're optional, just like christenings and weddings. I've paid for my direct cremation and told the kids to scatter my ashes.

There was a huge family gathering/picnic on our 'village' green for scattering last summer. Unfortunately, local people were complaining that they had no official permission from the land owner (Church) to scatter. I don't know how they'd know that - unless somebody asked for proof!

My family know I don't want a funeral of any kind. I die my body goes to Crematorium and if my girls want to they can collect the ashes from there but there is no need to. I want them just to remember me as I was .

We had a 'humanist' funeral for Mum with a celebrant. It still followed a funeral theme, though, just no mention of God. I found it just as fake, though. Very polite and could have been about anyone. No service at all for me!

And I totally agree with Kim 19