Non traditional funeral/memorial service

we had a celebrant at my daughters funeral, and celebrated her life rather than doom and gloom and religion, wore bright colours then hit the pub after. I am having a natural burial, so no being pumped full of pickling juice for me, just put in the ground as nature intended in a deer park, have had that as my funeral wishes since i was age 30

It’s definitely a direct funeral for me! Probably use pure direct cremation, my children know all about this,basically I want to be burnt and scattered!Scattered at a beach near Woolacombe where I spent my very happy childhood, I only want my children and grandchildren to do the scattering and then after that I want them to go and have a lovely meal somewhere and raise a glass.... I have left each of them letters and a CD with three special songs on it, special to me anyway and have asked them to play that at some point after my passing

I'm another one who just wants to disappear without any sort of ceremony. It has often been my experience that those who 'want to say goodbye' haven't seen the deceased for a long time before the actual event. I just want my friends to keep saying hello to me whilst I'm alive. You cannot say goodbye to a corpse.

After making my decision to have Direct or Pure Cremation I informed my 2 friends who are my Will Executors of my decision and was surprised to learn that one has decided she wants exactly the same and the other has made decision to leave her body to be used for Alzeimer Research programme.
I'm beginning to think traditional funerals maybe "dying"out in our society,sorry for the pun!

I’m with you moggycuddler, Pure cremations sounds just the ticket. Before she died my mother said no flowers thanks, if you didn’t buy them for me when I was alive I certainly don’t want them when I’m dead. Donations to charity were made instead. I feel very strongly about the ridiculous amount of money funerals can cost. Each to their own though. My best friend wants professional wailers and would like to be stuffed in a glass case!

I also want a direct funeral, no service, no 'celebrations' just a cremation as and when, and then ashes to DH or DS. I've told those concerned but really want to know what DH wants yet he refuses to discuss anything concerning his own mortality. Practically speaking he will probably go first and I have absolutely no idea what he might want.

I did a eulogy (memories really) at my oldest friend's funeral/cremation in December, along with another of his friends and his son. There were no hymns or prayers but some Tom Lehrer (his periodic table song was one of my friend's specialities!). There was a 5 minute bird-song track played, and we left the crem to the fabulous Stones song, Tumbling Dice. It was all both sad and jolly and he'd have loved it, especially the bit after at the local pub.

When my mother died she wanted a Humanist Ceremony not Religious and the funeral directer was able to suggest one who wrote his speech after talking to the family about my mother and this made it a lot more personal than a Vicar who had never met her. I would want a similar type of service.

Willynilly?? you lost me

so.. I have been fortunate, imo, that as a child, both my parents discussed funerals with me,, and my brother

then nearly 50 years of marriage, my dh and I have discussed them.. funerals that is... though when it actually comes , the grieving is horrendous, and completely unimaginable... leaving that aside, (sorry willlynilly)

we all said we didn`t want fuss... plain cremation, NO BURIAL...

my dh die a few months back, I couldn`t do it, good job I had also discussed with our two ds and dils.. not at any length, just touched on it, and we all seemed to agree, so our youngest ds and dil arranged it,, let me see, celebant had our input...

both dh and I Christians, (not religious) but did not want fuss.. so Celebant covered that point in her discourse.. a couple of personal items.. we chose music... not fuss

definitely no flowers..... and it was good, what we all wanted.. the funeral directors were really goo

the cost was unexpected, uncatered for and far too much imo

so I have just set out a prepaid one so my family don`t have that to do.. not good all the paperwork etc....

prepaid,, you decided would be what I would urge most everyone to aim for

even the ashes,, left at the crematorium, helped to fertilize the rose garden there.

it is only the physical body... we all believe our spirits, call them what you will are well catered for..

God bless you all

I think it’s important for the ‘service’ to reflect the life of the deceased - not what is wanted by those left. If the deceased was not religious, or had no belief, then a non-religious ‘service’ is perfectly OK.

DH and I have decided to have a cremation with no ceremony, and leave some money in our wills to enable the family to have a party/meal or outrageous piss up as they chose.

Last year we had the deaths and funerals of both of our mothers. We found the planning very stressful. At my mothers funeral numerous relations who had not seen her for years ( including some she used to complain about never visiting or wanting to go our) turned up, there were a few who didn't even know her who I think came along for the excellent refreshments. It was the last thing on earth i would want for myself. M-i-L's funeral was very simple and religious, with a nice meal for the 10 of us who attended afterwards, she had been in a care home for years and all her friends and most of her relations pre-deceased her.
I was just left thinking that our non religious sons should be spared all this type of stuff and as we are firmly non religious we just wanted our bodies disposed of in a timely manner.

DH and I have prepaid for a Pure cremation. They just collect your body, take it away, cremate it and return the ashes to your designated loved ones a week or so later. Family can have a little goodbye ceremony if/as they wish. No service or gatherings. Simple and respectful. No unnecessary ridiculous amounts of money being spent. I would rather leave whatever money we have to family than spend it paying for expensive funerals. None of us are religious and would wish to honour and remember each other in our own private ways.

Apparently Bob Hope's children asked him whether he would prefer to be buried, or cremated. His reply: 'I'm not sure, surprise me'.

For my husbands funeral I used an informal company company called "poppies Funerals" recommended by the registrar and contacted online. They were brilliant. And a humanist facilitator there are lots of them about. Then we went to the pub.

An article worth noting and should be learned. Thank you for providing this great information.

Dya know, I don’t know why we bother sometimes. You ask a question, and those with real knowledge answer and the OP ignores our input.
I’m glad I didn’t give any more personal info.

We just attended a service for a schoolmate of DH. They had a piper escort in the family (who were Scottish), had a moment of silence then played a lovely slide show set to music that made us all shed a few tears. Afterwards a eulogy was read and a few people got up to say a few words. Then the bar was opened and refreshments were served.
My DH mentioned afterwards that he really liked this service, and would like something similar (no bagpipes though!) This was at a hotel ballroom with no ashes or minister present.
Even though we are not yet 60 (nor was the classmate) we realize that we need to have some wishes set down on paper.

Interesting question Nanamar.
My daughter and I were talking about this this morning. When my Mum died last year, I felt very strongly that I wanted her body brought back to her home, rather than remaining at the chapel of rest. The undertaker was dubious, but it was so very important to me and my brother was supportive. It felt just right for her to be there with me in the days up until her funeral. On the day of her funeral, our whole family ( including babes in arms and young children) gathered outside her house to form a guard of honour as she left her home for the last time on her way to the crematorium. We had a non-religious service with a celebrant and I gave the eulogy. It was a truly lovely day and the planning of the funeral helped me a great deal with my grieving. Previously, I'd always thought that it would be a good idea to leave a list of my wishes for my funeral for those who survive me. But now I realise that the celebration needs to meet the needs of those left behind, while respecting the beliefs of the deceased. I do hope this helps.

I failed to mention that I did create an online memorial that anyone can access and look at a pictorial history of him, from birth forward- No other history or stories, only his favorite quote- It's been viewed over 1000 times- Anyone wishing to see his face again can-

Just wanted to add that our lovely celebrant sent me a folder a few weeks later with the whole service printed out with the music and all of the stories/memories included. It’s a lovely thing to read now and then all the wonderful things family and friends recalled and said about DH.

Today I have told Executors of my Will that I've decided I want a Direct Funeral ie Undertaker will take me to Crematorium and Cremation take place when there is a time slot available.No one present and no fuss but I have no family to be upset by that. I do want there to be a gathering at a place I love at a later date when friends can get together and remember the good times we shared.
Best Funeral I have attended was non religious for an ex Union Leader from Thatcher Era.The Speakers were all brilliant being used to public speaking with lots of stories of the "old times". We sang The Red Flag and end song was, You can't get me I'm part of the Union, which was brilliant.There was so much respect and affection for him and it was very uplifting for everyone there.

It's becoming more prevalent nowadays not to have a religious funeral as more than half the population do not profess any religion. It is a personal thing, there's no law that says even undertakers have to be involved.
I have been to a few non religious ceremonies which have been much more personal and meaningful than having a vicar officiate who didn't know the deceased person and on the odd occasion, in my experience even got the name wrong.
There are plenty of non religious, or humanist celebrants, and if you use an undertaker they have a list.

We organised a funeral for my uncle. We based it on the BBC R4 programme, 'With Great Pleasure' when someone in the public eye speaks and reads to a small audience excerpts from favourite books and poems.

We listed his interests, gathered together suitable poems and readings from books he enjoyed. Then I recounted his life stopping at regular intervals for an appropriate reading. with a different reader for each one. I found a fabulous football poem by Wendy Cope that made everyone laugh. We also played music he loved. It worked very well.

JuliaM Yes, I realise that. I'm only 60 and at the moment haven't got any health problems at all (nor has my husband) but should either of us develop anything, the funds are available and our sons know we'd want something very simple.

I can see that happening, unfortunately, rosecarmel and FlyingSolo. For example, I am an only child and parents are both gone as are my aunts and uncles. I also want to “go out” quietly and privately although I can envision some type of gathering that very close friends and family can attend. My DH has two sisters and if he predeceases them, I anticipate that they would want the usual wake and funeral - perhaps so that their friends can come and pay respects, for example, as they’ve attended wakes and funerals for the family members of those friends. That’s why I agree that it’s critical that each person puts in writing what they want; in my case there will be no one to argue with about it since it would be only my husband or our son making arrangements and I know they’ed honor my wishes. I’ve even heard of actually inviting people (by written invitation) to a celebration of life at some point after private burial/cremation. While that may possibly offend some who are not invited, I feel that there are many ways these days to offer heartfelt condolences (online for example) that don’t involve one’s physical attendance at a wake or funeral service.