I’ve posted recently several times but am asking for input again at the risk of sounding like a wimp. About a month ago, we learned that our DS and DIL have decided to divorce after 5 years of marriage. They’re 40 yrs old and married after knowing each other and living together for about 18 months. They have a wonderful 4 year old. They live about a mile away and we babysit 3-4 times per week while they go to work. They’ve been through a lot - pregnancy was expensive (IVF) and difficult, birth was premature but GS is fine; my son has clinical depression and it’s well-managed now but he was in residential placement for a month three years ago. They bought a house which ended up being too much for them to handle and they sold it. They moved across the country so our DIL could pursue a screenwriting career but she didn’t get far. They moved back here b/c my DH is ill and they needed help as well with housing and childcare. We’ve all been away together many times and get along well. They appear to be determined to make this amicable and our DS will live with us and our GS will go between the two houses. I can’t figure out why I am so devastated. I’ve read things online and books about this and I know other parents have been equally upset by their adult children’s divorces. My DH and I have been married for 50 years and weathered tough times including multiple health crises and an affair (his) and remain in love and committed to each other. We aren’t religious so it’s not about that. I’m not sure if it’s disappointment, loss of what I envisioned for our family, fear, or all of those. I don’t know if I feel more sorry for them or for myself. I do get counseling and my therapist has said that things that affect those who are “within our circle of trust” deeply affect us as well. I’m feeling that my grief is out of proportion for this life event and/or if maybe I just haven’t sufficiently “separated” myself from our DS? Thoughts?
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