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How do I tell them/

(142 Posts)
Grandmaclampet Tue 10-Mar-20 20:00:54

Both my husband and I are in our late 60s with heart and lung problems. We look after our two young grandchildren a few days a week because their parents work. I am worried for our health if the coronavirus reaches our town because the kids are always sneezing, rubbing grimy hands everwhere etc. They may get the virus but show no symptoms yet pass it on to us and in our health it could kill us both. How do I tell their parents that we can not look after them if the virus comes here?

Patsy70 Fri 20-Mar-20 06:32:31

I think we have been told loud and clear that if we are over 70 years old, or have underlying conditions (anything that would require us to have the annual 'flu jab) then we should isolate, as we are the most vunerable group. The schools are closed from today, those who can will work from home. Anyone with the symptoms of Coronavirus should self isolate for 7 days, and if they live with others, then they should all self isolate for a further 7 days.
Grandmaclampet, I do hope your children have made alternative arrangements.

Tanjamaltija Fri 20-Mar-20 05:51:55

You aren't supposed to "need to tell them" - they ought to have been listening to the news, just as you have. You owe it to yourself to keep well - after all, if you get sick, there will be no more taking care of the children, ever. Don't pull your punches. Just tell them what you have to say.

GramJo5 Mon 16-Mar-20 19:15:02

Has it been clearly said that we should not look after grandchildren any more? My 5 year granddaughter lives with me two days a week as I live much closer to her school. So I do the school runs and she sleeps-over. It is, of course,
a very special time for us both.

I am 69 years old, fit and live alone. I have cancelled all social activities and hunkered down, but have said I will continue to have her stay providing we are both well.
Have I got it wrong?

Daisydoes Sun 15-Mar-20 17:38:01

@craftyone sorry, I did not make my post clear enough - my AC would be very proactive and caring. It is ME who would miss having my granddaughter overnight?

Very selfish, I know,but it still nips.

craftyone Sun 15-Mar-20 17:26:14

your AC will be well aware, they should have taken responsibility by now, for their children. You have to be firm, just tell them asap so they can make alternative arrangements. My AC have not had to be asked and it is sad tbh when AC don`t seem to care enough for vulnerable grandparents

Daisydoes Sun 15-Mar-20 17:22:41

I am really stuck for what to do. We have granddaughter Friday to Saturday night every week. I take her to gym class on Friday afternoons and then stays with us.
Apart from the question of the gym class, DH has underlying health problems, so whether to have her or not is a big question --i would and let DH take his chances --?

Had it been a short (1month or so) period of isolation, I could cope.
But the neverending nature of this illness makes even thinking ahead difficult.

Lyndylou Sun 15-Mar-20 13:36:48

I seem to being doing everything back to front (story of my life!). I have been working from home for a week as someone in my building has suspected c-virus. I am 68 but OH is 72 and an ex-smoker so we are playing it safe. I am actually more concerned about my AC. DD has elderly clients and DS's girlfriend is in the early weeks of pregnancy. So I have told them to stay away for their own good and I already have not seen DGS for a week. I was looking forward to seeing them when I have had a clear week without any signs of the virus but I guess it could be longer now in case they bring it to us.

GracesGranMK3 Sun 15-Mar-20 08:46:24

Some will have no choice shortly Grandmaclampet Matt Hancock saying on Sophy Ridge that the government will ask the over 70s to self-isolate for up to 4 months shortly. Surely your ACs will realise how important it is for you to do the same.

Abnuyc123 Sun 15-Mar-20 00:30:09

You need to self isolate NOW and keep away from the grandchildren. My son has told us to do that, he’s a chemist.

GracesGranMK3 Sat 14-Mar-20 13:17:36

I know not everyone likes referencing where their "facts" come from but surely this is one case where the necessity is obvious.

Chestnut Sat 14-Mar-20 12:10:07

The virus is not predictable enough to say with any confidence that only the over 80s are at high risk. Anyone over 60 is at high risk unless they are in tip top health and have super healthy lungs from extensive cycling, swimming or running. Even unhealthy people in their 40s and 50s have died.

Luckygirl Sat 14-Mar-20 11:39:08

I have still been picking GC up from school this week. They have to hand gel as soon as they arrive in the house. And I am not doing cuddling sad, and when I read them a book I do it from the other side of the room.

I do not think the risk here is huge as there is only one known case in this county as yet - and that was a doctor. But I am well aware that this will not last and will be taking decisions based on the figures here - my DDs know that I will back down from this if things get worse, and they are entirely understanding of that.

giulia Sat 14-Mar-20 10:30:38

Liz46The official Death statistics for Italy this morning state the average age is between 80 - 89, of which 38% are women.

This is a rather high age for "grandparenting".

Nearly all, in fact, already had other illnesses.

giulia Sat 14-Mar-20 10:22:51

Liz46 Where did you read this?

Liz46 Sat 14-Mar-20 09:36:07

I read this morning that many Italian grandparents have died from the virus after looking after their GC. The children are carriers but do not become as ill as older people.

My daughter can normally rely on me to help when she need it but she understands that I am vulnerable (age 73 with lung damage) and wouldn't dream of asking me for help at the moment.

giulia Sat 14-Mar-20 08:53:52

grandmaclampet So sorry you are in this embarrassing and painful situation.

I too am a grandma but in Italy. The Government and experts have both recommended that grandparents/children stay apart since the start of the crisis. I had been due to go to my daughter to babysit but she called me to prevent me going.

The stupid British government should be doing the same thing.

I've not seen my grandchildren for two weeks now and our only contact is Whatsapp. God bless Whatsapp!!

grannyactivist Fri 13-Mar-20 18:10:23

grandmaclampet I’m sorry your talk didn’t go as well as it could have. Hopefully, your family just need a bit of time to process things and will come to understand that you are simply following the current best guidance. flowers

Tangerine Fri 13-Mar-20 17:40:50

I am sorry they didn't take it well.

Perhaps it was the shock and worry of having to find someone else to look after the children.

Maybe they will think more sensibly once they've thought properly.

Look after yourselves first.

Tillybelle Fri 13-Mar-20 14:57:59

Grandmaclampet. Meant to add, I'm sorry your daughter does not see things properly. A lot of people do not understand the details of this virus. I am already avoiding mixing with people unless I really have to. I too have underlying health issues. It might be that in time your daughter will understand that you are doing the right thing.
Please do not feel upset. Good luck, lots of love, Elle x

Tillybelle Fri 13-Mar-20 14:45:26

M0nica makes a very good point.
This question also exposes just how unhelpful our Government has been in giving advice, particularly to us in our age-group. I really do think Boris would be glad to see a cohort of Grans and Grandads die off and save the treasury some cash.
Grandmaclampet I think it would be advisable to stop going near the little ones until it is safe to do so, given your underlying health concerns.

Namsnanny Fri 13-Mar-20 14:39:55

Good summing up MissAdventure
Hope that's getting through to people.

Namsnanny Fri 13-Mar-20 14:33:53

I blame farview I didn't realise when they wrote the following comment one serious post one funny confused hmmmmm what they were referring to. That started all the confusion. (wink sorry farview!)
Thanks Grannyclampit for clearing it up.

I have to say I was looking through every post with a fine tooth combed searching for some light relief!!

EMMF1948 Fri 13-Mar-20 13:46:28

They rely on us so its a problem.

If they don't understand then they are remarkably selfish, you shouldn't have to compromise your health in this way.

OldHag Fri 13-Mar-20 12:30:27

If I were the other grandparent in the case of Grandmaclampet I would be absolutely furious! Firstly because my child could be so selfish as to expect the other grandparents to continue to care for their children while putting themselves at serious risk, but even more so that they are now prepared to put me at risk too!! How selfish can our younger generation get?

Chestnut Fri 13-Mar-20 11:07:57

They will understand in time Grandmaclampet. Things are moving on rapidly and it will soon become clear to them how serious this is for older folk. I had a chat with my daughter yesterday and we both agreed that they (the parents and children) will all get it for sure, but that I need to keep my distance from them.