Time for another great Gransnet story!

look paper, as we all know, is the latest eco brand of loo paper.

A scarlet unicorn hidden in the bracken. Behind her, carefully hidden, an entire case of look paper!

Belted off down the hill, jumping walls and hedges, & swimming across rivers. Our ‘hero’ (I’ve lost track of who he is ?) and the farmer chased after the dog, slipping and sliding all the way, covered in mud and soaked to the skin when, suddenly, they came across a .......

the shepherds hut where the shepherd was shearing his sheepdog with a pair of scissors cos he should have gone to Specsavers. Other opticians are available.
The sheep were quietly grazing when suddenly the sheepdog...

"Nooo!" he yelled "I can't wait that long" so he pushed her over the cliff and ran off towards

White Cliffs of Dover, where Dame Vera herself was belting out We’ll Meet Again after the quarantine ends,

the Dagenham Girl Pipers, the London Symphony Orchestra and the Tiller Girls, all disobeying instructions to self isolate but using the excuse of a visit to the....

Sorry that should have said Gerry and his Pacemaker, he is getting on a bit
Welcome stilllearning

However The Portsmouth ferry was quarantined so he had to take a trip on the Mersey ferry instead and listen to the strangled voice of Gerry and his pacemakers singing ferry across the Mersey on a continuous loop for 20 mins.......I kid you not.
When he stepped out onto the pier he was greeted by ......

So here he was, queuing for the ferry, no TP in hand and still hingry... but he could smell something delicious...

(Welcome Still.!)

...the loo rolls were distributed to the old and needy. Meanwhile our hero was conveyed back to the shores of La Manche where he took his place in the queue waiting for the Portsmouth ferry

Just checked in, I’ve been a lurker for ages and definitely now feel totally over awed by the brilliant wit of so many grannies, congratulations ladies, what a laugh I have had!

next thing he knew, the policemen pounced on him, handcuffed him, dragged him away to a safe social distance, i.e. half a mile away, so he could not see them commandeering the super soft quilted loo rolls.

took the dogs' leads in his hand completely forgetting that he was allergic to dogs. He hadn't taken more than a dozen steps when he sneezed loudly and

The veiled woman had been watching him from a safe distance. "OK" she said, and now you've finished shopping perhaps you have time to walk my St Bernards for me."

This was the last thing he wanted to do, but he was so entranced by the veiled woman that he ...

But, the policeman pointed out, zis is la belle France and we are not hoarding toilet rolls like zee crazy Ingleesh across La Manche. So what will you do wiz zem all?

"Haha!" Our hero laughed, wiping away tears.
"You'll be sorry tomorrow, because...."
With a flourish, he revealed his toilet rolls.. "I have them all! All the rolls in all the land! Hahahaha!"

Too late to stop them as they all collapsed from the diabetic sugar intake, or so some thought.

Others noted to the policeman that they had seen too russians throwing something in a trash can.

Another wise one said it's the government they are drastically trying to reduce the next tranche of pension takers...was this the sting in the tail of a waspi?

Ignored him. Then before he could say any more, they grabbed the donut, and started stuffing huge pieces of it into their mouths.
“We have had nothing to eat except dry pasta for days” they cried.

"Stand back" they cried "We need to check this donut for corona virus".
"I'm starving" he protested but they

Or hazmat suits (typo error)

The giant donut was intercepted by the bodyguards of Our hero....,yes he had bodyguards who were keeping 2metres away,wearing hazmat suits,....

... a giant donut, free wheeling down the street, towering over and frightening the few pedestrians who had ventured out of doors...

and by now it was snowing even though it was early Summer. So 'Oho', as Our Hero now liked to call himself, gathered his Best British Baker apron around his rotund torso, pulled up his snow bootees and trudged on with nothing but Lidl on his mind. Suddenly and fortuitously, because his stomach was rumbling there appeared..............