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I don't know what to do...

(138 Posts)
Daffydilly Tue 17-Mar-20 19:12:57

Today 18:36Daffydilly

I work in community pharmacy, full time. I'm tired, emotional and scared.

I have an eighty year old dad, living nearby. We lost my beautiful mum in September to cancer and dementia.

I'm in continuous, daily contact with poorly people. We have been told that we should fully expect to contract or carry coronavirus.

We have my dad over for dinner or we go to him at least two or three times a week, with visits and popping in at other times.

I have siblings an hour or two away, who have barely visited dad since mum died.

I feel overwhelmed and don't know if I should stay away from dad, to protect him. My husband has said he will ship for him. The thought that I might have hugged him for the last time is making me so sad. You never know when it's the last time.

I don't expect any answers, I'm just sharing.

Stay safe, everyone. X

CN23 Wed 18-Mar-20 10:59:49

This is so overwhelming for everyone,unfortunately it is the senior citizens who will be cut off the most of human contact,myself included,it is heartbreaking not seeing family and little ones but something good will hopefully come out of all of this to help make life better for all the little one in the future.
stay safe everyone?

Mully Wed 18-Mar-20 10:56:31

Time to tell your siblings to get their fingers out! Keep safe x

georgia101 Wed 18-Mar-20 10:49:21

Daffydilly - I shed some tears for you as you touched my heart. Thank you for the work you do in the pharmacy, and I know that you are strong enough to get through this. It doesn't stop the thoughts though does it. Sending a hug to all who need it right now - and that's most of us I guess. My own grandchildren's family have had to self isolate from yesterday as one of them has symptoms. Luckily none of them are in the high risk category, but I know we aren't likely to meet up in the near future. Thank heavens for Whatsapp.

micmc47 Wed 18-Mar-20 10:47:18

Moggie 57, You actually have no idea whether or not you and your daughter had corona virus "4 weeks ago". As the first cases here weren't confirmed until 31st January it seems highly unlikely. And yes, the media may well be stoking things up a bit, but don't be in denial of the science behind official briefings. This is unprecedented. So it certainly isn't a case of just carrying on "as normal". If we all do that, many more will die, and that's a fact...

Nannan2 Wed 18-Mar-20 10:44:01

But if the applying of make up makes her feel better,why not?smile

tickingbird Wed 18-Mar-20 10:41:33

Such a worry for you. Try not to imagine what could happen, although I know it’s hard not to. Sending you flowers

Nannan2 Wed 18-Mar-20 10:41:25

Apparently though,you can get it again- its not like measles or something where it gives you immunity!( i was so bad at xmas/ new year,(went to urgent care 2 days running!) im now sure it could have been it,but not known,but even if so,it wouldnt make me immune to it again!

Annaram1 Wed 18-Mar-20 10:40:37

All the best Daffy, I so admire you and the very necessary work you do. I hope you will be safe.

By the way, if we are self-isolating, we do not need to apply makeup any more, as who will see us without it, apart from any others living with us?

Take care all Grans xx

Molly10 Wed 18-Mar-20 10:37:00

You are not alone. Many have the same or more serious concerns. Tiredness can make us very emotional and I suspect this exhaustion is increasing your worries. Get plenty of rest then you will think more clearly and be able to cope better.

The contact with your father depends very much on his needs and health. You are sensible enough not to put him at risk and caring enough not to neglect him. Look after yourself and you will look after him well too.

Be safe. Be strong. Be the caring person you are.

fourormore Wed 18-Mar-20 10:35:59

My love and sympathy go out to all of you.
Like some I feel 'fortunate' that my parents and elderly relatives have gone, but I feel the emotional side of the situation is not being recognised.
I have visited two ladies (both in their mid 90s) weekly for several years through the Church. They both live alone and obviously appreciate the spiritual part of my visit but they also gain so much by the social side and I never leave either of them until we have laughed over something.
Now I have been banned from even visiting and it hurts!
I KNOW it is sensible and necessary but I also know that my ladies will both miss me so much.
I intend to ring them once a week (would do daily but they are both deaf!) and send a cheery notelet/letter each week. The important thing is to ensure they know we still care even if prevented from that so important hug.
Sadly with their natural ill health and frailty I have a real fear that I may have seen and hugged them both for the last time. I pray that won't be the case.
flowersflowers flowersflowersflowersflowers to everyone in this sad situation.

moggie57 Wed 18-Mar-20 10:35:42

well said truddles . i agree.

Nannan2 Wed 18-Mar-20 10:34:52

On the other coin,in feb half term,before this bomb shell was dropped on us,i had a couple of days in hotel & my own home with some of my family,and we all survived! & no ill health! So,that'l have to sustain me.?but ive more C& GC and id hate to never be with them ever again...its so depressing,and normally im a glass half full person.

moggie57 Wed 18-Mar-20 10:34:01

carry on as usual .make sure you wash hands .i wouldnt hug your dad but holding hands is good. after you washed them .i am being cynical here ,but the media have blown this out of proportion.....corona virus you catch when someone else is comaninated or when someone sneezes or cough.without covering their face.4 weeks ago b oth my daughter and i had high temp and really bad coughs .this was before all the panic/media started .so we can safely say we have had it.i still have sniffles and a cough. but i just carry on as normal.ok i wash my hands a bit more. but i still do my volunteer job at a charity shop.in other words i am not panic ing.

grannygranby Wed 18-Mar-20 10:32:38

Gad3 don’t worry about touching your face with your hands if you have washed them well beforehand. I always do my face after long shower sometimes washing hair so hands perfectly clean. I think we are all going to get into very clean habits!smile

Lancslass1 Wed 18-Mar-20 10:30:26

I am 79 and my husband is 87.
If I were in your father’s position , I would say that you should be altuistic and continue with helping others in the pharmacy .
You can still get in touch with your father in other ways.
We oldies do understand what our children are going through

Jaye53 Wed 18-Mar-20 10:29:01

Gad3.use a clean makeup brush

Nannan2 Wed 18-Mar-20 10:27:37

Cant help it,but at least im honest.??

Truddles Wed 18-Mar-20 10:27:05

Well I am going to see my mum and dad later (84&86). I am going to make them a nice dinner, which we will eat watching a nice film. I never kiss or cuddle them, anyway (don’t feel the need; I see them at least twice a week). They need a fresh loaf and milk, so I’ll take that over. Yes all three if us are in the high risk group. They would be miserable as hell if I didn’t go round for a laugh and a chat. Before you all jump on me; the worldwide deaths so far since December caused by covid-19 are 8,000. So that’s in three months. Worldwide deaths from the start of last October until the end of Feb, caused by normal common flu... 61,000. (WHO). Just saying.... You’ll be dying of anxiety and depression. Live your lives, wash your hands.

Marydoll Wed 18-Mar-20 10:25:03

Oh bootie, what kind words . Now I'm welling up again. I hope you are well, it would be good to see you posting again.

Right that's it, no more wallowing, I'm off to clean my cooker with my new steamer, I'm so excited! wink.

Matelda Wed 18-Mar-20 10:24:38

My scared and very vulnerable husband has already tried the line on me "Please don't go out and catch the virus or you will pass it on to me and kill me, and everyone will blame you". I therefore summoned a neighbour to run an errand, while he put on his jacket and went to the Post Office.

I keep trying to tell myself that tough times demand tough attitudes, but most of us have never experienced anything like this before and who knows what unsuspected strengths we will discover in ourselves.

Meanwhile I'm enjoying the daily operas from www.metopera.org - La Boheme today. My spirit shall soar.

Nannan2 Wed 18-Mar-20 10:22:42

And im being honest when i say this,ive never been a racist in any way,but im flaming well starting to resent china...i admit it....??

Cornwallgal Wed 18-Mar-20 10:21:16

I tested up when I read your post Gummie. I’ve been trying to hold it together. My grand babies are my world and I am in Cornwall, they in London. We regularly babysit but I’ve been warned by the ME Assoc we must self isolate. I’m so torn. They were due to come for Easter. My DGD sobbed last night apparently when she thought she might not be coming. It broke my heart. I just want us all to be together through this but both DD and SIL are police officers so that’s not going to happen.
I couldn’t sleep last night. I’m a proactive person so I’ll throw myself into helping online with our community here but I feel a piece of me is broken. I’m also trying not to succumb to the feeling I’ll never hold them again. ?

bootie41 Wed 18-Mar-20 10:20:36

Mary doll you are the one person who made me get up and fight after my loss and my illnesses, I and all the other gransnet family will be strong for you as you have been for us, I am thinking of you and hope things improve ,sending you lots of love, thank you for being there for me

Nannan2 Wed 18-Mar-20 10:19:10

Theres this awful underlying feeling though,isnt there? The "but what if...? feeling?..."what if we are all ok now,and i could be hugging my AC& my GC,and then anything awful happened(re.virus) and then i could never get to ever again?......"Its that awful 'not knowing anything for certain,isnt it thats so hard to take.

micmc47 Wed 18-Mar-20 10:17:39

Many people today will share your emotions. My wife and I are both in our seventies, and multiple health issues place us firmly in the "at risk" group. We have four grown-up children and three young Grandchildren, and yes, as we are already self-isolating, so we share your frustration at being out of physical contact with them. However, we can see that such a measure, although it seems draconian, is both sensible and responsible. I'm afraid it really is a case of "what can't be cured must be endured". So we soldier on... indefinitely it seems... Let's hope we soon see some light at the end of this very dark tunnel.