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I don't know what to do...

(137 Posts)
Daffydilly Tue 17-Mar-20 19:12:57

Today 18:36Daffydilly

I work in community pharmacy, full time. I'm tired, emotional and scared.

I have an eighty year old dad, living nearby. We lost my beautiful mum in September to cancer and dementia.

I'm in continuous, daily contact with poorly people. We have been told that we should fully expect to contract or carry coronavirus.

We have my dad over for dinner or we go to him at least two or three times a week, with visits and popping in at other times.

I have siblings an hour or two away, who have barely visited dad since mum died.

I feel overwhelmed and don't know if I should stay away from dad, to protect him. My husband has said he will ship for him. The thought that I might have hugged him for the last time is making me so sad. You never know when it's the last time.

I don't expect any answers, I'm just sharing.

Stay safe, everyone. X

Daisymae Tue 17-Mar-20 19:41:49

This is going to be a difficult time for so many people. Life is going to different for everyone. All you can do is your best. Try to do something for you, listen to some music maybe? Watch a film? You do need some time out. Thank you for the work that you do, I am sure that your community appreciates it.

Marydoll Tue 17-Mar-20 20:23:24

Daffydilly 💐 What a dilemma for you.

I know exactly how you feel. I'm in tears tonight. After today, I don't think I will be seeing my wee granddaughter for some time or ever again, as my GP has banned me from going out or being in close contact with anyone.
He made it clear that I was in the most vulnerable group. I'm now catastrophising in my head and imagining the worst case scenario.

He also told me that all the pharmacies in town are overwhelmed and swamped with sick patients and it will get worse.
You are doing an amazing job, but me telling you that won't help you feel any less anxious or make things better.

Somehow, try to find some time for yourself, (easier said than done), but you can't help others, if you don't look after yourself first.

Hetty58 Tue 17-Mar-20 20:45:08

The present situation is a tremendous worry for a lot of people. It's pointless, though, to worry about things that you can't change - or to fear the future. One day at a time, doing your best, is quite enough.

BlueSky Tue 17-Mar-20 20:51:06

Marydoll so sorry to hear about your plight, if it's bad for us I can only imagine how it could be for people like yourself. Can you Skype your granddaughter? My DGC are in Australia so I know I won't be able to see them for the foreseeable future. We can only do what we are advised to do and hope for the best. flowers

Marydoll Tue 17-Mar-20 22:01:02

BlueSky, thank you for your kind words, I will be fine, I was having a wobble, as it looks today as if my daughter's wedding next week is about to be cancelled. That finished me off after my GPs phone call.
Those who know me on here, know I'm a fighter, I will get through this.

Just like your name, there will be blues skies again! 🙂

gillybob Tue 17-Mar-20 22:08:10

Oh Marydoll (and of course Daffydilly) I completely understand how you are both feeling .

I am trying to think about my dad in his 80’s who relies on me for almost everything . My grandson who needs me to take him to school, my baby granddaughter for whom I provide regular childcare , my DH who is still very poorly, my son who is convinced he has CV , my small business (on the verge of collapse) and my employees . It’s so overwhelming .

Tonight I feel so frightened for the future .

Daffydilly Tue 17-Mar-20 22:30:24

Thank you all. I've had a lovely long chat with my DS1 tonight, which has helped. I've spoken with dad, we've both had a few tears and I've told him I love him. I know I'm lucky, in so many ways, and I'm counting my blessings.

Tomorrow is another day. I'm going to be strong, kind and brave.

Just don't poke me with a stick, I might bite. 😉😬

Or cry. 😭

mumofmadboys Tue 17-Mar-20 22:56:03

Can you talk to your dad on the phone?

grannyactivist Tue 17-Mar-20 23:15:42

Daffydilly thanks for sharing your feelings about your situation, as you can see, it has helped others express their own, very real, concerns and dilemmas. These are tough times the country is going through and sometimes just saying out loud that we're struggling helps.

flowers for you and for Marydoll and gillybob

annep1 Wed 18-Mar-20 05:42:45

Someone on facebook posted a photograph of a son sitting outside the window while his dad, who was in isolation because of his health, sitting inside. They were chatting on their phones. I thought if was a great idea.

Smiley4 Wed 18-Mar-20 06:15:10

How worrying for you daffydilly.

Remember that you have a counter between you and a customer, stand a little further back, to increase that distance.
Having the virus on your hands does not mean you’re infected. Only if you touch your face so wear gloves, they Protect your hands and are a reminder. Can you wear a face mask?
I’m sure a pharmacy has precautions in place. But telling you that you can expect to get infected is not helpful especially when you have caring responsibilities.
One day, all this will be over, we are all afraid. But hopefully we can talk to each other about our fears, as you have done.

Gummie Wed 18-Mar-20 06:48:10

It’s so upsetting how this is affecting everyone and sadness being inflicted on everyone. Breaks my heart reading some of these posts.
Not sure when I’ll be able to see and cuddle my super spreader grand babies next either, and they are my world. Be strong grannies x

Willow500 Wed 18-Mar-20 07:08:19

I feel for you all and probably for the first time am actually grateful my parents and in laws are no longer with us as they would all have been extremely vulnerable! It doesn't stop me being frightened for my family though - small GC in NZ with parents whose livelihoods are in serious jeopardy (along with millions of others) and older GD's in the UK one of which works in a major supermarket as does her mum. Also other family members and friends in the older age bracket with serious health issues. We are on our own here though so we are taking as many precautions as we can as we have no one to call on if we fall ill.

There is little any of us can do to alleviate the worry and concerns other than take heed of the advice and try to keep busy. Those who are in the front line whether they're health workers, shop workers, carers or delivery people have my utmost respect flowers

sodapop Wed 18-Mar-20 08:41:04

Yes you have my respect too Daffydilly being on the front line is scary. Your concern for others does you credit but take time for yourself to relax and do something you enjoy.
To everyone else who is worried and sad, take heart, this too will pass .
thankscupcakebrew especially for Marydoll, Gillybob and Daffydilly.

Marydoll Wed 18-Mar-20 09:06:15

After my wobble yesterday, I'm feeling more upbeat. Repeat after me: I am not a wimp!....
Thank you all for your kind words. flowers

kwest Wed 18-Mar-20 09:49:24

My Darling Dad died some years ago but it would be my worst nightmare to think of him struggling alone and that if I infected him I might kill him.
My heart goes out to you.

Auntieflo Wed 18-Mar-20 09:53:05

Daffydilly, sorry to hear your dilemma, and I hope you have managed to find some sort of solution.

Marydoll, we will not hear of you being a wimp. Whatever next? Anyone les wimpy is yet to come out of the mould.

CrazyGrandma2 Wed 18-Mar-20 09:54:25

I think all we can do is just keep putting one foot in front of the other as we have done every other day of our lives. It's all very surreal.

Rightly or wrongly I'm just relieved that the carpet fitters arrived this morning. Having to live with the house in a total mess for an indeterminate amount of time would have sent me over the edge!

Trying to keep positive.

Nannan2 Wed 18-Mar-20 09:54:45

Are you allowed to self isolate from work? And also get(make) your siblings pull their finger out and take responsibility for your dad too.ive a new grandchild due in nxt few months(possibly will be born early) and i dont think ill be able to go greet her.(coming after a previous still-birth,so much longed for& loved)and family live over 70 miles away anyway.but im in one of higher risk groups due to my health too.sad

GrannyGravy13 Wed 18-Mar-20 09:56:08

Marydoll you are definitely not a wimp, your posts are generally so positive and give hope and encouragement to all on GN flowers

We had to give our DD an ultimatum yesterday, in as much as if the whole of the UK is forced into a quarantine situation she has to make the decision to either come to us with the 2 GC and be in strict "lock down" or not visit. (Her partner travels U.K. Wide for his job). It literally broke my heart, she visited yesterday they were at one end of the lounge me at the other and not being able to cuddle the 10 week old GC or play puzzles and read to the 5 year old GS whilst snuggled up was soul destroying.

It is going to be so hard for all of us Grandparents, but our GN friends will become our support system.

Thank you all so much for your virtual friendship flowers

Gad3 Wed 18-Mar-20 09:56:26

I know we should avoid touching our face but does that mean I should not be putting on foundation?

annemac101 Wed 18-Mar-20 09:58:51

Our local pharmacy has a barrier at the door. You have to ring the bell for someone to come and you are served at the door. The owner has said if any of his staff were to come down with the virus he would have to close so he's making it as safe as he can. It must be dreadful not being able to visit an elderly parent but better being safe.

Nannan2 Wed 18-Mar-20 09:59:16

CrazyGrandma2,i know,i darent even report any repairs,as you dont know what risk is to let them into your home,ive a cleaner now,who said she was going to deep clean a local college after a coronavirus case,and i darent let her come again here for a couple of weeks i dont think!🤔

Atqui Wed 18-Mar-20 10:01:15

Daffydilly Mary and all others with extreme medical conditions - just sending love . It is so very scary as we have not known anything like this.I have 3 siblings and 2 in-laws with underlying health issues in 70s and 80s as well as husband 85, and am trying to be positive but it’s not easy is it?
It’s heartbreaking separating ourselves from those darling GC that bring us such joy.