I don’t think it’s you. I’ve got six grandchildren over two DIL’s and one daughter. All of them have struggled with what we call the ‘ baby police’. There is SO much interference from authorities on how to do everything, they’ve been left feeling inadequate and anxious. Luckily, two of them were really up for my help, the third less so, but it didn’t lead to problems. I always emphasised, that if the baby sleeps, then they can, and everything else slips into place. The major problem I think, has been this ‘ back to sleep’, which was unheard of in our day. In fact, when I was a nurse on the baby ward in the eighties, a nurse was severely reprimanded for laying a baby on his back. Now it’s pushed, and they don’t sleep as well. My daughter discovered something called an Owlett, which monitors the baby while they sleep, and sets off an alarm if there’s a problem. It’s been a real blessing, and my daughter instantly relaxed, baby sensed it, and she relaxed. I understand your DIL wanting to work things out for herself even more than perhaps we would have done, because so much is interfered with for them, and they probably just want something for themselves. Just keep encouraging, maybe through your son. Explain that you didn’t have a wealth of experience either as a new mum, but you do now, and it seems a shame to waste it. Then sit back and wait. I think we forget the energy we had then, I know I do. I find it exhausting watching them going without sleep etc. then remember they’re 25 to 30 years younger! Congrats on your new grandson and keep well.