Gransnet forums


Will the ties that bind us, break us?

(27 Posts)
GabriellaG54 Sat 21-Mar-20 21:01:31

I wonder whether this period of enforced cheek-by-jowel living with OH/DH/DP/other and/or other relatives, will have any negative impact on our relationships.
Will divorce rates climb or plummet?
Will cracks appear where there were none when we had our 'own space' at work or outside the home?
Will arguments bruise the love we shared and forgiveness be hard to come by if they escalate, or will we become more tolerant and companionable?
Enforced seclusion has some benefits but it's very different from choosing isolation.

This present scenario, this silence, reminds me of When The Wind Blows, an old black and white short film I saw years ago.

Stark and desolate albeit for different reasons.

Gaunt47 Sat 21-Mar-20 21:51:13

The Raymond Briggs When the Wind Blows? It's an incredibly powerful cartoon book for adults published in 1982 about nuclear armageddon.
And yes, you're right, some families are going to find it very difficult to cope.

Tangerine Sat 21-Mar-20 21:54:08

For some families, things are going to be dreadful.

However, in some cases, maybe people will pull together.

Living in a bigger house with a big garden won't make everything easy but there will be the possibility to get away from each other for a while.

Quarrelling children will be a strain.

GagaJo Sat 21-Mar-20 22:21:20

I am a BIT concerned. My daughter and I don't get on well on if we are too much in each others company.

BUT this is an emergency situation so...

J52 Sat 21-Mar-20 22:33:06

DH and I are spending some time in separate rooms doing our own hobbies, reading etc. And then coming together for cups of tea, going into the garden or doing the daily crossword.
In the evening, after dinner we are then spending an hour or so independently reading, watching tv or listening to the radio,
Seems to be working out.

JuliaM Sat 21-Mar-20 22:44:41

It will certainly make things difficult for those having extra marital Affairs, no longer the easy excuses to escape from home for a few hours or days as there once were, and far fewer places to hide with their Lover !

Callistemon Sat 21-Mar-20 22:47:13

It's early days hmm

GabriellaG54 Sat 21-Mar-20 23:10:35

I agree, it's only the beginning.
It may all seem a bit of a novelty at first, so different from volunteering, he at the pub or tinkering in the shed and you having coffee with friends or looking after the GC.
Not so wonderful when he seems to be everywhere and you long for the company of women friends.
Of course, I'm musing from a woman's perspective and one who doesn't live with her OH.
Men might have a very different take on it, if indeed they think about it at all.
We shall, no doubt, read about the effect it has on GN in due course.

GabriellaG54 Sat 21-Mar-20 23:13:21

I can see your remark being discussed on FB or Twitter at some time JuliaM
Swapping tips and tricks to avoid being caught out 🤭😱😂

Callistemon Sat 21-Mar-20 23:14:35

Why is it he has spent half his life when not at work tinkering with things in the garage but thinks now that self-isolating means he must stay indoors?

annep1 Sat 21-Mar-20 23:34:09

I have no problem with my husband usually. We always do our own thing and give each other space. But I must confess I'm getting a bit grumpy. I am missing my art club and class so much. Half of the time is spent chatting, laughing and drinking coffee. It's great craic. And I miss shopping, and coffee and scones with OH in our favourite cafe, now closed. It's only been nine days....I felt so positive until two days ago..and now...😕
Perhaps I'll feel better tomorrow. We're going for a drive and taking a picnic.

Sussexborn Sun 22-Mar-20 00:07:47

There are going to be up and down days with such a volatile situation unfolding daily. I am going to make a determined effort to stop checking the news as much of it seems to be making a bad situation worse. Hard to avoid without giving up the internet completely.

Witzend Sun 22-Mar-20 08:46:58

Dh and I aren’t in each other’s pockets all day anyway - he’s mostly in his ‘lair’ (study upstairs, and ATM mostly glued to doom and gloom news on phone/computer) while I’m downstairs somewhere.

He’s missing his 3 classes, though.
I’m glad I don’t have one any more to miss - it was only ever group piano once a week anyway.

We come together for a walk to the park - luckily it’s always possible to avoid any sort of contact with other people at all.
And for dinner, but we’ve always had breakfast and lunch separately - he’s a creature of habit, both time and ingredients and gets his own - I eat whatever I feel like, when I feel like it.

So not anticipating having to bury him under the patio 😈any time soon!

Lucca Sun 22-Mar-20 08:53:57

Gabriella may I ask if you are still spending time with your OH? I don’t live with mine either even though we’ve been an item for about 20 years!! I wouldn’t have it any other way and think if we tried living together we’d not last a month! We are not seeing much of each other now as both social distancing

M0nica Sun 22-Mar-20 08:56:25

We have a large house and garden, which makes this current seclusion much easier for us than it is for many people. DH is an inveterate potterer, always doing, mending or making something. I use one of the bedrooms as a sewing room and garden, when indoors, we are usually either side of our big desk, hidden behind our big screens beavering away. He is working. Six work based skype meetings pencilled in for this week, while I have various projects I am working on.

We will probably have no more face to face/side by side time than we do normally

Lilypops Sun 22-Mar-20 08:57:43

We were thinking of downsizing and recently viewed a much smaller house but for various reasons decided against it,, Now I am so glad we didn’t move as it only had one reception room. There would be no escape for time apart like we have in our present house, we both have separate hobbies rooms when we need to have time apart in the next few weeks/months , That way way we both will stay friends,!!! and sane.

Lilypops Sun 22-Mar-20 09:01:36

Monica. I use one of the bedrooms as a sewing room too, and DH potters in the garden or goes into his shed and hammers away at things. So we do have our own space and then we come together for a cup of coffee at 11am , so far DH has stayed safe that way ;;

Whitewavemark2 Sun 22-Mar-20 09:03:32

DH spends hours in the woodworking shed carving away or turning stuff.

I spend time doing all my crafty bits and reading etc, this is normal for us so tbh nothing will change, except no going out to eat or theatre or NT or walking by the sea or walking on the Downs or visiting friends or friends visiting us

Oh! things are going to change aren’t they🙂.

Well this is week 1. With all luck in the world and a fair wind, only 11 more to go.

NannyJan53 Sun 22-Mar-20 09:18:19

My partner is working from home now. I am retired.

I am already getting some 'eye rolls' and sighs [smiles]. We have been together 8 years, so this is going to be a real test.

GabriellaG54 Sun 22-Mar-20 10:28:54

No, We live a 20 minute drive from each other but he has young teenage children from his first marriage (who live with their mother) and I wouldn't want to have contact just in case.
He did pick me up and drove me home from Cornwall last Monday when I came back from hols to save me getting trains and taxi but only WhatsApp since.
He's still working but his numerous trips abroad have stopped and it's all conference calls etc.
I like my own space and although he would like us to live together, I def don't want to fit into anyone else's routine, much as I care about him.
Things must be working between us as we've been 'together' for 7 years and long may it continue. 😁🍾🥂

Sar53 Sun 22-Mar-20 11:11:28

I've told my lovely husband that we are not going to fall out during this crisis !!! He still works and during the week is usually out most of the day. He is now working from home, taking calls, emails etc.
We live in a flat with no outside space so this is going to be a big test for us. I am more at risk than he is so he is the one going to the shops which gets him out occasionally.
I let you know in a week's time how things are going.

GrannyGravy13 Sun 22-Mar-20 11:20:54

I have no idea, we have always kept up our separate friendship groups and hobbys along with joint ones.

Spending 24 hours a day together for however long it takes could be interesting grin

Callistemon Sun 22-Mar-20 11:47:17

GrannyGravy likewise; we have never been 'joined at the hip' although we have, obviously, gone out together or with family and on holidays with just the two of us. However, on holiday we usually found fellow travellers whom we called up with.

Boz Sun 22-Mar-20 12:07:05

I am quite introverted,so this lockdown isn't bothering me unduly. Much prefer books and hobbies and exercise than friendship groups. Family is important so thanks to whatsapp. My son visits occasionally, to keep an eye, and we sit in the garden, yards apart.

Callistemon Sun 22-Mar-20 12:38:56

Autocorrect again!

That should have been 'palled' not called