Gransnet forums

Chat

Don’t want to be offended ... but I am!

(134 Posts)
NanNanCake Mon 06-Apr-20 18:12:55

Ok I know my neighbour was being kind, ok I know when you’re in your 30s being in your (very early !!)50s is old - And I don’t want to be offended by them putting a note through my door that if I needed help walking my dog or with food shopping during the corona virus they were here and willing to help - but hey I am !
Am I officially old ?? Sorry I know I should be more generous just wasn’t ready to think of myself as needing that sort of help yet

Greengage Wed 08-Apr-20 16:49:31

Our Neighbourhood Watch coordinator has set up a WhatApp group in our road. Those not on the internet are checked on by friends and neighbours. It seems to be working well, and a good community atmosphere is building up because of it. You join the group only if you want to. The invitation went out to all.

Bobdoesit Wed 08-Apr-20 12:03:41

Don't knock it NanNanCake you are the lucky one. smile

talula Wed 08-Apr-20 08:09:44

I hate to say this but you sound ungrateful to me. I have a very kind neighbour also and although I don't need her help I am very grateful for her offer of help. I belong to a support group and would hate to think that I had upset anyone by asking if they needed help.

jocork Wed 08-Apr-20 00:18:14

I'm the neighbourhood watch coordinator for my road so I have emailed the group to offer to help anyone needing anything. However I had to self isolate at the beginning as I had a cough so I also emailed to ask if someone could get me some milk, which one kind neighbour did. We're all working from home but one colleague contacted me offering to shop for me if I needed it - she knows I'm vulnerable and is somewhat younger than me. I've realised through all this that we all need to support each other. We also need to swallow our pride and ask for help if we need it. I doubt any of my neighbours will take up the offer of help but I've made it and my next door neighbours have checked that I am ok when we were out clapping last week. I'm certainly not offended when someone offers help. It just makes me feel safer and cared for as my family live hundreds of miles away. A lot of my friends are checking on me too as they know I live alone and I'm checking on people in a similar situation.

Jillybird Wed 08-Apr-20 00:16:59

My partner is 72. He was offended when a fifty year old neighbour knocked to ask if we needed anything. He said, "What's he trying to say?" I said, "Did you think you didn't look 70?"

jenpax Tue 07-Apr-20 21:35:31

I get why you feel that way although I do agree it was clearly meant kindly.
When Asda started their early shop slot for the vulnerable and pensioners I went along, I am in the vulnerable group (no spleen) and daughter with whom I am in lockdown is a type 1 Diabetic so although we really should be getting online shops we couldn’t get a slot so off I went, the staff stopped some people at the door and told them they couldn’t go in yet as they didn’t meet the criteria however they didn’t even question me and I am in my 50’s😱 I couldn’t help wondering if it was because I might look years older than I actually am 🤦🏼‍♀️

Herbie9 Tue 07-Apr-20 21:11:33

I'm lucky my son who lives fairly near does a weekly shop for me and my local pharmacy has always delivered my medication. I also have a very good neighbour who puts my bins out and has offered to do shopping if needed. I was surprised when two other neighbours who I don't know - our road is quite long - also offered to help out. I told them I was very grateful for their kind thoughts but would certainly get in touch if needed. The kindness of strangers has always amazed me.

Susiewakie Tue 07-Apr-20 21:00:11

My poor mum is 85 lives 2 hour drive from me .Her neighbour normally gives her a lift once a week to get heavy shopping but is now going alone no offer to fetch her anything ! So disappointed so mum is going up and down getting a few things im worried sick ! Will have to come out of isolation Friday and get shopping and take it to her 😡

shirleyhick Tue 07-Apr-20 20:47:45

I think it was very thoughtful of them.

Jacks10 Tue 07-Apr-20 19:23:45

I think it is great that there is someone out there who cares enough about their fellow neighbours that they are prepared to offer their help! They do not know your circumstances but have shown that they are there for you if you need them! Be grateful - there are so many people out there who need help but never get it!

Fflaurie Tue 07-Apr-20 18:54:56

I think you being offended is directing your offence at the wrong people, take your offence out on the morons who are breaking lockdown, spreading the disease. My neighbours are in their 30s with a severely allergic child whom they cannot take out, I offered to help them, I am old enough to be their mother, help in a crisis should be accepted with your heart and both hands if you need it.

Gotthattshirt Tue 07-Apr-20 18:49:45

I don’t think it’s got anything to do with age. I’m more inclined to think that everyone is trying to do something to help someone. You should be flattered and grateful that you came into their mind as someone they would like to offer their support and help.
Be gracious. None of us know where this will end but if a net result is that we are all happier more caring neighbours then there will be some positives to look forward to.

sarahellenwhitney Tue 07-Apr-20 18:40:56

Nannancake
How fortunate to have caring neighbours.
Not so where I live.Everyman for himself comes to mind in my 'picture box' location where visitors sigh and say 'aren't you lucky to live here'.

Whiteanemone Tue 07-Apr-20 18:36:40

I’m quite recently widowed , 72, so on my own with no family near. One of my near neighbours is 101 and regularly phones to check on me bless her! And so do my other lovely neighbours.

anxiousgran Tue 07-Apr-20 17:50:47

It was very kind of her. Try to be gracious about it.

Tanjamaltija Tue 07-Apr-20 17:05:12

I wouldn't have been offended at all - take a rain cheque on it, and tell them you will con tact them if you need them, because you might regret having said no, if you do. Think about it like this - if someone your age was going to the shops and asked whether you wanted anything, you'd have said yes, if you did, probably.

Caro57 Tue 07-Apr-20 16:59:17

Very thoughtful of them really - perhaps they have messaged all their neighbours. If there are any positives in this situation I think it’s the growing awareness of others possibly needing company / support / help

luluaugust Tue 07-Apr-20 16:53:03

We are older but we were very touched that our next door neighbours left their telephone number just in case. My OH had been speaking to the father next door (at a safe distance) and he said he was very worried about his elderly mum who lives with them. My OH horrified to realise elderly mum was only a couple of years older than him!

Clazi Tue 07-Apr-20 16:31:01

We are 69 & 71 My OH has underlying problems & not considered vulnerable by Sainsburys.We are loyal delivery customers as we live in a v rural spot.But because we live in Wales we cannot be put on their list as Welsh Gov haven't done an online form.Sains just suggest we get Click & Collect the nearest store that does that, is 35 miles away.Tesco on the other-hand can deliver. Guess who wont be shopping at Sainsbury anymore. However pur local town have organised a delivery service for meds & fresh food too.I would love to help my other neigbours but we hv checked they all ok.Sad times but look for the little rays of light.

blue60 Tue 07-Apr-20 16:23:08

Oh for goodness sake! Right now I'd love someone to go and my shopping. Good neighbours can be hard to come by so take it with the caring sentiment it was meant.

Onelifeletsliveit Tue 07-Apr-20 16:16:21

@NanNanCake I think all they were doing was saying if you get sick, they’re willing to help! Why do you feel angry? I wish more people were willing to volunteer in my area. I’m working with the local council and the take up for volunteering has been really low, we are over-subscribed with people needing help and just don’t have enough people to help. Perhaps you should direct your neighbour to a similar volunteering scheme in your area?

Lorelei Tue 07-Apr-20 16:15:15

I would look at both offers of help and acceptance in the spirit they were intended. If people were just trying to be helpful, in ways that were not needlessly putting others at risk, you have a choice to graciously accept or politely decline, or in some cases point them towards someone you know does require whatever sort of help they are offering. This virus has brought out the very best in some and the worst in others. If no offence was intended I wouldn't be offended. I fall into several of the categories that make me highly vulnerable so remain isolated and only see my better half and cats (well, cat, the other one sometimes stays out for more than 24 hours!) On the rare trips out he has done for shopping or to collect my prescription he also gets a few bits for our lovely neighbour (who we view as family anyway), the young couple next door, and an elderly customer of theirs who lives alone. He drops bags at their door after wiping handles down etc then phones them, stands well back while they collect. We are by no means well off but know our neighbours are starting to struggle so are happy to help if we can and share whatever we have or manage to get. I keep reading of people suffering, going without both supplies and help they need. It is so disappointing to see others flouting guidelines, stockpiling greedily, ignoring those in need around them. It doesn't reflect well on us as a species. We have even heard horror stories of very vulnerable people with no internet access putting signs in their windows asking/begging for help and then some b*****d has robbed/conned/burgled them - WTF is wrong with some people - the idiots are bad enough without preying on the most vulnerable in our society. We are due to move house soon and have been informed by the new next door neighbour that my better half will be the youngest man in the street - he is delighted! He is also looking forward to being helpful towards his new, older neighbours. Most people are doing their best to cope, to deal with the new circumstances we all find ourselves in - I would like to think those who can offer a helping hand will, and those who need any help will get it (and get it without being held to ransom as such - have also heard of people selling harder-to-get items at ridiculously inflated prices or charging an extortionate fee to provide a 'helping' service!) A post-Coronavirus world might look very different and some people may find themselves with fewer friends etc due to their appalling behaviour during these uncertain and troubling times. @NanNanCake - you said yourself that you know your neighbours intended kindness so if at any stage you do need some help they might be willing - they may have also put notes through other doors as well as yours to be community-spirited. Stay as safe as you can everyone.

rosenoir Tue 07-Apr-20 16:12:37

I am 61 but look older and when offered discounts for over 65 I take them, not because I want the discount but I do not want to embarrass the person that thinks I am over 65.

Torbroud Tue 07-Apr-20 16:02:05

Sounds like you have a good neighbour, good for them to offer

Lazypaws Tue 07-Apr-20 15:51:33

I think, far from being offended, you should be thrilled that people are actually thinking of you, and how they can help you if you might need it. There are so many people oblivious to the needs of those around them, that your neighbours should be applauded for their kindness. It's got absolutely nothing to do with age but everything to do with thoughtfulness and kindness - very rare commodities these days.