Are you self aware?

I was shocked when I was told by two different family members that friends of theirs found me intimidating. I am shy and very bad at small talk, so I tend to sit in the background and say little when I am around family's friends. Apparently, some people thought I was silently judging them. Well, I might have been, but I didn't think it was obvious!

I don't see myself as intimidating. I see myself more as a quivering blancmange.

I think we are different things to different people.

My daughter thinks i'm a complete control freak and wouldn't dream of asking me for advice. She also thinks I am constantly judging her and finding her lacking (which i'm not)!
Her partner, on the other hand, thinks I stand back until i'm needed then simply 'sail in and calmly and efficiently sort things out.' He often contacts me to talk things over. (I prefer his viewpoint. )!!

My son often seeks my advice and has told me he can always rely on me to calm him down and provide a different perspective. Also that i will always be honest even if its not what he wants to hear.

My best friend has told me that she was terrified of me when we first met - I was her boss. We have been close friends for over thirty years so she now sees that what she saw as 'stand-offishness' is because take my time to get to know people before i let my guard down.

From my perspective I think i'm a complete contradiction. On the one hand I am a bit shy and much too reserved, i wish i could just let myself go more often and sod the consequences..
On the other hand I have a slightly wild side, always willing to try new things and visit new places.
I'm probably a very typical Gemini!

I am generally seen as bubbly, always smiling, upbeat & to be honest deep inside I am and feel like that's how I want to be.
The problem is that since 1985, I've suffered from off & on depression, I used to joke that I'd never get depressed shock horror when it happened so much so that I mastered the art of disguise, putting a face on was easier as time went on, then many years later, I think it was when I reached 60 I thought this has to stop, not even my best friend knew, when she found out she was shocked.
Others who were "friends" went their separate ways.
I still get annoyed that I'm allowing myself to be depressed, I still struggle.
I think once that dark cloud appears it never trully goes away.
I love, love, love a real good belly laugh.
Hope your all safe & well.
Tricia

@Oopsadaisy3. Just to let you know: I could read the poem you posted - by clicking on it and enlarging it - and love it!

I'm a combination of most if not all the things other posters have described themselves as being. Self critical in the extreme, again a product of my childhood.
Accepting any sort of compliment is a no, no as patently the person is simply trying to be kind and doesn't actually mean what they say.
Flip all that I feel about myself and I wouldn't dream of applying this description to others going out of my way to be kind and supportive.
Most say I'm outgoing and confident I hear loudmouth I am good at "painting on" a smile while inside I'm crying.
I wish I could be as kind to myself as I hope I am to others.
By the way the Snag tights are fabulous and truly "do what they say on the tin" a lovely Uk small business I'm so pleased to have found

Love the poem, Oops

Are we different people to different people? I was described as snobbish and stand offiish by a woman I worked with - we eventually became friends - but she had a huge inferiority complex and tried to cover that by being noisy and jolly. I have been described as sophisticated - however I managed to walk around a large store with my skirt lining tucked up exposing my bottom and knickers, have fallen downstairs publicly at several major venues in London (clumsy - not drunk) and made more verbal faux pas than I care to remember . We get people 'wrong' so often - most of us have a public face; I feel that I am standing inside peering out through the holes, as I am shy and lacking confidence in truth.

Thanks for posting Oops It saddens me that women my age, 57, often feel unsure of themselves and can struggle deep down for years. What surprises me is quite often it is the most confident and 'put together' who suffer most. I think it is a generational thing certainly in my part of the world. Growing up learning that standing up for myself meant I was seen as strident affected me for years. Now I know that was said because my opinion was neither convenient or valued. I think it comes down to making a choice. (Ongoing for me.) Be kind to yourself. You are not responsible for the behaviour of those around you but you can choose how you allow it to affect you.

It's strange, because people think of me as being outgoing, happy, confrontational at times, but really confident.

That's the image I manage to project. People other than my immediate family know that I'm, a shy, quiet person who has periods of real self-loathing.

I lack confidence, professionally now. It's quite a new thing for me, because before I turned 50 I was always regarded as hard working, good at my job and very dedicated.

I'm pretty sure that these days, however, I'm seen as past it. It could be me being paranoid, but there is definitely something in the age thing. I knew I was regarded as sexually past it a few years ago, but I wasn't bothered by that. But I didn't realise it would happen professionally quite so soon.

It was refreshing in my last UK school to be regarded the old way again. I was offered glowing references at the end of my contract. Unfortunately, my current school (contract ends in June, so with a bit of luck I won't actually have to work there in person again) has a lot of young staff and I really feel out on a limb. Not entirely sure why they hired me. I asked them before I accepted if they were sure I'd fit in, given their young staff and my age.

People always describe me as glamorous which I cannot for the life of me see! I am happiest in the country away from people communing with nature. My sister I always think of as glamorous as she wears tailored clothes whilst I am very hippy dippy. She thinks she is big and I am skinny because she has a large bust. She only sees down to there! Strange how we see ourselves and others see something completely different. The only answer is to be happy with yourself!

I have always been shy, but all my life I have been someone who just gets on with life, keeping a low profile. When circumstances led to a promotion at work, I really rose to the occasion and loved every minute, developing new skills and confidence.
Now although I still do things to the best of my ability, I still keep a low profile, so I am often ignored.

My husband is truly the nicest, kindest, most thoughtful person I know - not just my opinion, but confirmed by every single person who has ever lived with us. However, his own opinion of himself is so incredibly harsh that I can't imagine how he came to be so self-critical and I feel very sad about it.

I've been told (by my husband) that I miss out a couple of stages in a relationship and go straight to being friendly, which causes people to be suspicious (apparently). Personally I don't understand what the missed stages might be and why being initially friendly is a problem.

I suppose the old saying "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" springs to mind. We all see different in everyone just as everyone see us different - which in my case I'm thankful for

"I" was the only student in my psych class to pass the assignment: Who Are You?

Everyone else failed-

There is no self- No Me, I or You to be- All there is, is what it's like to be, from the enjoyment of breathing, to crushing suffering and all things in between, as human beings perpetually in flux-

Nobody is static or fixed- But all can become fixated ..

I so agree with Monica. You are who you are. I think these strange times find us over thinking too many things. There are so many lovely GN - it's just amazing we can all be so different but tolerant and understanding of each other. Age brings a sense of great liberation.

Now I am well into my seventies I don't worry about what others think. My friends and family accept me as I am - good and bad bits!
I have always been non-confrontational but wish now that I had been a bit more assertive with some people who were in my life. I would let them get away with things to keep the peace and now I wish I hadn't

I do so love that poem Oops I think it was originally by hemmingway. It always makes me emotional. I think that EVERYONE is shy ,just that some cover it very well & don't say .

I come under the sign of Capricorn, onward and upward, climbing the steepest hills and craggy outcrops with dogged determination.
An earth sign, someone who can't be doing with embroidering a subject but who likes to get to the nub of the matter and get it sorted.
I'm inquisitive to a degree, not into being fussed over and although no oil painting, (perfectly plain, 5-6.5 and 11st 3lbs) I like myself and cannot help but be a positive person.
It's hard to ruffle my feathers and difficult to make me cry (only my AC have that power)
You could say anything at all to me, no matter how dreadful and it would never touch my self belief or hurt me nor would it make me dislike you.

I don't waste my time on negativity and really do think there's a nugget of gold in every person, no matter how tiny the sliver or how bad the person.
Steel with a marshmallow core, that's me.

I have a dotty friend who devotes almost her entire life to self-care.

She exercises, eats sensibly, has her hair, teeth, face, hands, feet etc. 'done' regularly (can't now though).

Shes very high maintenance - and seems to have a problem with body dismorphic disorder (BDD).

Hers is a strange version, though, reversed, in that she seems to think she looks, young, fit and slim.

People who know us both say she's small, plain and dumpy!

I am over 70 and live in a retirement development This morning I went to sit in communual garden and who should I see looking for hidden Easter eggs but a small child with her 2 parents(visiting) and 2 residents (Grandparents)
I love children but I was very surprised to see what was happening As visitors are not allowed in side building I wondered if this was really allowed I quickly returned to my flat and closed my door.Any comments