Why after all this time

Mum died in a care home 4 years ago but I always feel her around me. Like the previous post above, I am so grateful that my parents aren't having to go through this pandemic in Care Homes. I would be beside myself with worry for them. A few months ago, I was going through a few of mum's things in my loft, and found a card she had written for my daughter's birthday, before she broke her hip and never came back to her flat in 2012. She went into care.
Tomorrow is my daughter's birthday and I'm going to present it to her (well....leave it on the front step for collection), and I know there will be a few tears. A hand written, personally addressed card from beyond the grave. She's definitely still around, and I find comfort from that.

I feel sadder bout my mum-in-law’s death. My own mum lived to almost 80, and was ready to go. My MIL was only 64, and I nursed her through cancer. I was expecting her first grandchild, and she never lived to see him.

My mum passed away 8 years next wk. I miss her dreadfully. I was going through my divorce when she had a bad fall( a lady pushed past her & my mum fell) and she died with a bleed on her brain. Such a shock for me losing her like that. When I left my marriage I went to live with her and it helped me a lot, but to lose her was the hardest thing ever. My love for my wonderful mum will never leave my heart.

My mother died nearly 6 years ago aged 98. Friends often said they envied me my mum. What was lovely was that not only her grand children but her great grand children knew her. I miss her more than words can say. My father died 45 years ago and I think about him a lot. Perhaps because I’ve got more time at the moment I’ve been thinking about them a great deal and also my lovely grandparents. The more you love the more you lose! I was very lucky.

I'm so sorry for the loss you feel, time doesn't make a difference except for the way we handle the feelings. It is over 40 years since my adored Dad passed away when I was 20. I think of him so often, and wish he could have known his grandchildren and great grandson. But I never feel he is far away, he taught me to drive and if I have a decision to make when I'm in the car I feel I have a guardian angel guiding my choice and I say always thank you to him. Remembering something that way always keeps him close by. I miss him but I am so proud to have been his daughter. Sadness is normal, but remember with love and joy too.

GrannySomerset, I feel very moved by your words.
My mother died eighteen years ago alone, confused and far away. Grief, regret and sadness are always in the background and jump out at me on occasions.

I’m lucky, lots of my nearest and dearest remember my dad, we talk about him and ‘include him’ in our celebrations.

I always wonder how relatives of celebrities feel when their loved ones appear on the tv. If we watch a bit of film about dad we are expecting it. It must be very odd to turn on the television and see them unexpectedly.

My mother died 13yrs ago and like others I still feel the loss every day.
I have sons, no daughters, and I often wonder will my passing be the great loss to them that losing our mothers has on us as daughters. I'm close to my sons but it's a very different relationship to a mother daughter one

I was told as a child that if you dreamed of dead loved ones they were asking for your prayers

I lost my Dad in November 1980 & my Mum in May 1981. They were both involved with the British Legion so I grew up with the Poppy Appeal and called our last property Poppies as when we moved in - the front & back gardens were a mass of Poppies. It was called Mundarosa - everyone thought it was called the Ponderosa!
Last November my husband & I watched the Remembrance Concert at the Royal Albert Hall & I just broke down - I miss them both so much - they were both only 66 when they died.
Far too young.

My mother lost both her parents when she was in her 30s.

Throughout all my life Mum would talk of them with extreme love

One of her last comments to me before she died was asking me if I'd phone her Mother, (long deceased) to let her know she was OK and she'd see her soon.

Broke my heart as I was assuring her I'd make the phone call

I miss my mum and dad both gone over 30 years and often think of them
Since lockdown I dwell on the memory of them.
But my son has been dead 14 years I think of him every day
But over the last 6 weeks I feel like I am grieving for him again to much time on my hands makes me think of how
He died and why. My deep sadness which had got better is now come back

With grief and sadness, I still have lots, all you can do is put a smile on your face, find happiness where you can and be kind.

My mum is still alive and I speak to her every day I’m so grateful.
Some of my friends are really enjoying this lockdown and pause for nature, I can see this too but I also think of what will happen if mum catches the virus and I can’t talk to her anymore ?

I lost my dad when I was 21 and my mum when I was 40. I'm nearly 67 and I still miss them so much. Particularly Mum, as we were very close. Sometimes the sadness just comes over me, out of the blue. I don't think you ever get over it.

I lost both parents when I was in my early thirties; I think about them almost every day, laugh sometimes and fill up with tears at other times. I don't think you ever do 'get over' the loss of close loved ones, you learn to cope and move on, but the emotions are still there and can be stirred with anniversaries or certain events that you wish they could share.

My Dad died when i was young 44 years ago. He was only 57, and my Mum died 19 years ago. I think of them almost everyday and always feel so sad that they are not here with us. I really suffered when my Dad died, but Mum was a lot older and it wasn't quite so bad. More natural type of thing, but Oh how I miss them both!!! It does get easier with time, but I have never got over their loss!!

It's the price you pay for having loved someone so much. Don't worry about it, just remember her love for you, and you for her, and think she was a very special person.

Sadly my Mum lived with her own demons and died at 58 from cirrhosis of the liver.

My dad stuck it out for our sakes. Something I didn’t fully appreciate at the time but truly grateful for.

ttgran - I'm a bereavement counsellor and can say from lots of experience that you're not unusual - if you can cope with the sadness just let it happen and work through it, but if it's overwhelming and the sadness remains with you for several days and your thoughts are negative, you should seek some sessions with a counsellor who specialises in grief. Your GP might be able to help.

It’s not wrong to feel the way you do. I lost my dad when I was 15years old, it’s been 47 years since and still grieve for him. I also lost my mum 12 year ago and always feel worse on the anniversary of her death, but miss her every single day of the year. She was my bestest and loyalist friend I could have. I always take flowers to the church yard for them both on every special event throughout the year but sadly because of the unprecedented time we are in at the moment couldn’t do it for Easter this year, which I felt really sad about. I couldn’t even get any flowers to have in the house next to their photo. I still miss them both every day. My mum did see a couple of her great grandsons but sadly didn’t see my sons daughters who are 3 and 1. If she’d still have been here she would have seen them more than her great grandsons as my daughter and son were very close to her, in fact she was with me when I had my daughter. They both had a special bond, but because of my daughters moderate learning difficulties she will never have children. My mum would have loved the name of my first granddaughter as it is my grandmas name. I know my mum watches over us.

Hi thank you for all your kind messages its so good to know that you all have these memories and that I probably after 28 years should accept grief doesn't go away with time.
I was only child mum was widowed in 1953 so for years just the two of us so at the time of her death 1992 I just dealt with everything by myself.The hospice did offer counselling but I found it hard to talk too strangers about feelings.
This is where you all come into your own reading all your memories helps so much.
Thank you again

MaggieMay69 that is such a good idea, writing down what you can remember about the previous generation.

My Mum died in 1989 when I was 38 and my Dad died in 2003. In 2016 when I was 65 I discovered that I was adopted. I felt very stupid not to have known especially when my cousins said they all knew and assumed I did. I have found out that my birth mother died in 1987 so all long gone now.

I feel very sad when I think of her even though I didn't know her at all. I've seen pictures and even a video and I look like her. I know how important it has been to me to try to find out everything I can about her.

The idea to write down everything I can remember or have learned about all of them so that my children and grandchildren will have this information is very appealing and I'll get cracking straight away I think. That should take my mind off the lockdown for a while

My mum died when I was 11 years old ...It’s 61 years now since I lost her, I think of her everyday and still miss her terribly..I was the only one with her when she died...

I'm sure our mums and dads do watch over us from beyond. I also think it's absolutely fine to feel a sense of loss about them, it wouldn't be good for our mental health to feel like that every day after many years but to feel like it on anniversaries, birthdays, special occasions is, imo, rather lovely. They're part of our lives still and hopefully we'll all meet up again some day so why not keep their memories alive and grieve now and then?