The Old Argy Bargy Bar.....a new lease of life!

aga surely not. You wouldn’t have thrown George out would you ?. Mind you, I’d love to have your vision. Johnny Depp. Well why not. This is a really class establishment why wouldn’t he come here. Cum on lemon let’s go and join Johnny at his table and show him how real drinkers can knock them back ?

Maybe if I had been wearing my glasses I wouldn't have thrown George Clooney out for being drunk and disorderly or maybe that was the Admiral?
Think I will move on to the next table

Have you got your specs on AGA? We get a lot of seafaring types in here, in fact the Captain and the Admiral are practically fixtures.The Captain does look a bit like Jack Sparrow at times.
Time to move on....that table is almost worn away with polishing! Get some Mr Sheen on the other tables would you?
Just about time now for an early evening snifter, will see if
Kev has prepared my pernod.??

Is it Happy Hour yet?
Good choice of Bar staff lemon, although our Surfer dude Kev from Oz doesn’t seem too bright..... still I’m sure you didn’t take him on for his IQ.
Salvo is very swarthy and handsome.
Charming all.....“the lovely Laydeees” as he calls them. —does he need glasses—
Two Pints of Happy Hour Poteen Salvo, you swarthy, handsome devil
—flattery gets you everywhere—

Lemon. I am still shining the tables. Well one table as Johnny Depp is sitting there and he likes his table clean. That is my excuse anyway

Oh Lemon, I thought I had a bad case of dandruff.

Promotion at last! Helping Soop in her kitchen, what an honour. I’ll get cracking on my sherry trifle at once, with a pint of Poteen on the side.

Might as well try to boost my income, Doodle but I must have forgotten to put the prices on. ? lemon's not paying much for my services and Korky is pretty high maintenance!

Cumins lemon we will certainly be pulling in the punters with this lot of bar staff. Bet marydoll will pick Salvo. She likes the theatrical type (probably why she had a thing with Santa. He was always showing off what he had in his sack ?)
Welcome craftygranny. Wow as buffy said, your boots are amazing. The way those snakes eyes follow you around you’d swear they were still alive ....?
old your rock buns sound good. Last time soop made some we used them as hardcore out the back. I’m sure soop would love your help in the kitchen.
lizzy what on earth are all those tomato plants doing outside and all that .......er...manure too.?

I'm moonlighting in the bar. I hope the state of the latrines meets with management approval. Working in sewage (aka sh*t) has many benefits. There are always pheasants wandering about the plant, and they are foolish birds, so easy to catch. Tomato seeds survive the human digestive process so they grow all over the works. 50p for a pound or payment in kind. (I'll take what I can get these days!) Sewage sludge is a great fertiliser for the garden, £1 per litre (tomato seeds within are a bonus - no extra charge). You get used to the smell eventually ? and no one with any sense (of smell) will steal from your allotment. Order now to avoid disappointment.

Anyhoo.....
After an exhausting day, I can tell you that I have hired two new members (!)
Kev ( from OZ) highly experienced, will fit in here well, and
Salvo ( from Sicily) who claims he used to be an actor.
They will both work for peanuts ( though not literally unfortunately) and will take turns behind the bar with Korky(as will we all).?

.....and as you also know Buffy ?

I pride myself on a good work ethic, as you know Doodle plus devotion to duty.When I am interviewing fit male bar staff, I go above and beyond.

Welcome to the bar Crafty ( and you do need to be crafty to
Do well in The Argy)
It’s Soops kitchen with insults and attitude and a fair bit of alcohol.

Ah! Here she is now!

Yes! come in!
lemon usually welcomes new clientele but is still interviewing prospective Bar Staff, she’s been at it, interviewing of course, for over 24hours now. I’m sure she’ll be back soon.
Meanwhile, can I offer you a welcome Pint of Poteen.
By the way, I love your Thigh Boots, you don’t often see them in Snake Skin, especially with the snakes head still attached.
Just make yourself at home!

Irresistible to greenfly??

‘Ere, Buffy that’s my new de-o-da-rant you is maligning. I got it on that there internet thingy and it’s supposed to make me irresistible ?. Right, I’m off to start baking, now where did I put the currants?

Aha, So this is the Argy Miss Marydoll was taking about. Can i come in please.

It's ok......old is covered in "Roses" but smells like sh*t to me!!. So cancel her order Doodle,
She's having a quick rinse and then making the Rock Cakes
remind me not to touch them.

Oh good idea Doodle! I was lying down in the cellar with a damp sack over my head, until Big Jim started tapping his barrels and woke me up.
I'll go and join old and lizzy in the corner.
Thanks Doodle you're so kind, can you just fetch me a large Coffee............ and maybe a couple of bickies...... Oh! and just a tot of Brandy in the coffee........for medicinal reasons, of course.........Oh! And old and lizzie want some too.
Then Wake me up at Happy Hour!
Ta! Thankyou!

Please pass the Poteen, Lizzy left the drain cover off and I had a little accident. Never mind I’ve come up smelling of roses ?and will scrub up before making rock buns. They’re really good for using as doorstops.

Oh buffy you’ve been over indulging in soop’s cooking again. I did warn you. Go and have a lie down in the corner with old and lizzy and I will tackle the cleaning ? .
By the way lemon where exactly did those doughnuts come from? ?

lizzy might need extra Vim......
10 Pints of Poteen, and a dozen slices of Haggis didn’t go down too well......and came back up.
Oh. My. Head.

Welcome aboard lizzy ....Now get to work with the mop and the Vim.
and doughnuts on the bar in an hour.?

lizzy you might not feel the same after a few poteens on Friday night. In fact you probably won’t be able to feel anything at all ?