If you feel you need a laugh (and who doesn't at the moment) ...

TV prog guaranteed to make me laugh out loud - Dinner Ladies. I've seen all of them multiple times and they can still make me roar.

Many years ago, my eldest son and I went to our local Sainsbury's to shop. He was about 14. The store was very crowded and it seemed to take forever to get to the tills.

When we FINALLY got to the cashier, she started putting through the multiple cans of cat food we had bought (we had 4 cats at the time, and a dog). She wasn't the shiniest button in the box. She finished putting the cat food through and smiled at my son and said, "Blimey, you must like cats".

My son looked straight back and said "We haven't got a cat...."

When we left the store and were walking down the high street, I saw a familiar face and putting the bags down, gave this chap a huge hug and stood talking to him for several minutes, before my son said (very quietly) "Mum, I don't know who you think he is but we've definately never met him before". He was right.

Exit stage left in great haste and red with embaressment.

My 3 year old grandson was "helping" me make cakes. We got them out of the oven and were waiting for them to cool and he said "is it time to go and do the declarations?"

I agree. Bob Mortimer is so funny on 'Would I lie to you'

DH and I used to take the DCs to a family swimming session once a week. As did my son's German teacher and his family.
Imagine me walking into parents' evening, German teacher looks up and says "strange to see you with your clothes on Mrs D! " in front of a roomful of other parents probably wondering what shenanigans were going on between us..........

Decades ago when my mum and aunt were still around, mum was helping with a list of shopping she was going to collect for auntie who was 10 years her senior and going deaf. Mum asked would you like some Danish ham? No said auntie turning her nose up. Mum said you know, that Danish ham you like. Auntie said I don't like it, it's too fizzy! Mum said what's fizzy? Auntie said Babycham.....?

When I was in my teens, I had to go to the doctor about a gynaecological matter. We talked about it and I thought he asked me, "Have you had it before" So I answered, "No, I don't think so." He gave me a puzzled look.

Turned out that he had said, "Have you had intercourse?" We both laughed and I somehow felt more relaxed about discussing an embarrassing subject. (Wouldn't embarrass me now that I am old!)

Our son aged 3 was staying with my parents. My stepfather had a particularly battered pair of bedroom slippers which my mother had been trying to bin for ages in favour of some new ones! In desperation she asked our son what he thought of Grandpa's slippers! Son thought for a moment and then said 'well, the backs are nice'!!! How tactful was that?! We did laugh!!!

BlueSapphire: Many years ago, when I was involved in running a Junior Football League. I was watching a game with some other colleagues, when a mother and two lads came by. A younger brother was playing in the game. They stopped to talk and she said, 'You'll know these two?' I was always known for making controvesial statements and just answered. 'Yes. They do look different with their clothes on.' We still laugh about it, even after 20 years.

My DD2 aged 6 was asked to write about what we had done during the Holiday Weekend. She wrote:

"My Daddy was doing another Bank Job at the weekend so we could not go away. He does make a lot of money doing Bank jobs so we will go on holiday later." She illustrated this story with a picture of her Dad wearing a face mask and knocking a hole in the wall of a building named BANK.

Her story was in fact perfectly true as her Dad spent many long weekends, installing Cashline Machines in various bank branches, for which he was paid triple time.

We were in a restaurant and I had just picked up my hearing aid which was in a posh black velvet box. I was anxious to use it and opened the box to put it in my ear when the waitress appeared at the table and upon seeing the box thought DH was proposing. She commented how lovely (or something like that) took our drinks order and skipped away to the bar. We did laugh.

Annum I went to raid my son's moneybox one week to pay a bill.
It was empty apart from the IOU I'd put in the last time I'd "borrowed" from it! ?

You have compounded my shame, V3ra, I never even thought of writing an IOU. I do seem to recall my poor son finding hiding places for his money box though! Even worse, it was in the form of a plastic policeman! ?

Many years ago, I worked in the reception office of a Psychiatry Department. One of the Doctors, quite well up on Genetics etc, was moving house, I took a phone call for him one day, and as he wasn't about I left the message for him when he came back in. The message I left was " could you phone Reed Rains ( a local estate agents in the area), with a phone number as contact. He came into the office a couple of days later and informed me, with a huge grin on his face, that it should have read "re drains" as he was having problems with the drains at his present house. It took quite a while to live that one down.....

Back in the days when prams were too large to push into shops, they were parked outside with older siblings minding the youngest. I stowed the shopping at the foot of the pram under the cover. I returned once to be greeted by a very stern faced oldest daughter who declared "The baby has found a stick of dynamite and he's eating it" He had one in each hand also! Guess What.

When I worked as a TA, the children were learning about the Industrial Revolution. When the teacher asked them - does anyone know what a revolution is. A hand shot up and the boy answered - "it's something you do just after Christmas"! I caught the teacher's eye and saw the corners of his mouth turning up then quickly exited the classroom for a good laugh!.
I also was chairman of the local Toy Library at the time and at our last session before Christmas we had arranged for father Christmas to visit. As we were driving to the venue, my daughters peered over the back seat and asked why I had Santa's clothes in the boot. Quick as a flash I told them that Santa had been running a bit lat thos morning so his elf had phoned me and asked him to pick up his clean suit from the dry cleaners for him and bring it to the Toy Library for him,
Fortunately they accepted the explanation without a second thought!

There is a story hereabouts of the new teacher being shown round the school by the school auxiliary. In the dining hall, the auxiliary pointed to a separate table, and said , “ That’s where the packies sit”.
All became clear when the three groups of lunchers were explained; the ‘ homies’ who went home, the ‘ dinnies’ who had school dinners, and those who had packed lunches, the ‘ packies’.
Different times in those days.

Glorybee,hows the ear worm?

The song was on the radio when I was choosing my name, my daughter was singing ‘Pearlsaminger’... the rest is history

You’ve just set it off again, although I only know about 4 lines out of the whole song. Thanks for the explanation of how your GN name came about, I’m pleased the ‘minger’ part has nothing to do with you! ?

When I was very young and travelling on a bus with my mother, a lady was standing holding on with her arm out stretched. I said in a load voice" Mummy why has that lady got a teddy bear under her arm ?"

Daddima many years ago I had a minded girl (8) with very dark skin. An older boy used to tease her and call her "Paki," and she complained bitterly to me.
Cue half a dozen children all goggle eyed waiting for my response...
"Well, that's not right is it, as your family's not from Pakistan."
"No we're not, we're from Burton-on-Trent," she replied crossly.
(Grandma was from Cameroon, that was the answer I wanted!).

When my husband came to visit me in hospital after the birth of our first daughter I asked him to bring me in a mirror the following day. When he arrived and handed me the mirror, he couldn't understand when I almost burst into tears. All he could say was that my father enjoyed doing the crossword in his Mirror every day

always remember my brother bringing art work home.. he told our mum that an octopus had 8 testicles .. my mum said i think that tentacles . he went bright red .. never forgot it though.

When picking up my 7 year old granddaughter from school she told me they had been learning about sex and did I know that a man puts his peanut into a womans my china!

My DD's neighbor has two very cute, small dogs. The big problem is that the dogs come into her yard every day to do their business. Polite complaints were ignored and letters have come and gone to no avail, yet the dogs are still on the loose!

This morning, my DD collected more 'poopies' from her yard (yet again) but this time she dropped them into two little party 'goodie' bags. She tied one to each collar with a pretty bow and then sent the doggies home

Many years ago my Dad was interviewing a young woman for a job and found himself asking her what she thought of the sex act - then suddenly realised what he had said. It was at the time when the Sex Discrimination Act had just been passed. Blushes all round!