How much did you or should you know about adult child’s divorce?

It sounds like you know quite enough. They've decided not to continue their marriage. They both have new opportunities to be their true selves and maybe meet somebody new.

It's not bad news - certainly far better than staying in an inadequate marriage. Parents tend to want to see their children 'settled' whereas many people are happier single.

It’s just not our business, I think remembering back I probably told my parents the least details possible
my youngest has parted after 19 years marriage I have my own thoughts as to what has happened but she hasn’t discussed it with me and I wouldn’t really expect her to
When she told me she said I don’t really want to discuss it and I said ok but you know I m here if you change your mind ....she hasn’t ..

nanamar, it’s a human instinct to want to understand but you know this isn’t yours to understand. Having been in the same situation I know initially I thought understanding would help me. Gradually I came to realise knowing details wouldn't change the outcome and actually the details weren’t mine to understand Your son and daughter in law have made a mutual decision, no matter if their reasons are different, it’s just two paths that get to the same place. Congratulations to them both for remaining amicable. It sounds as if you have a good relationship with them so, if you can, let go of ‘why’ and concentrate on being neutrally supportive to both of them . That’s challenge enough I think but really worth it. I hope you feel more content soon.

Reasons for divorce are a private thing between the couple.

It is a sad and difficult time for them.

I'm not sure hearing the details would help, really.

It would be awful to hear things about your son's failings as a husband/lover, surely? (and no doubt he has some, the same as everyone)

You’ve been given the necessary info, anything more would be prying and to no good purpose. Let them muddle their way through amicably and be supportive to both in words and deeds. Even if your thoughts are different!

It must be very sad to witness but it really isn’t your place to know the ins and outs of your son’s divorce. He may tell you all that he feels you should be aware of but he isn’t bound to give you any detail. He’s an adult and is entitled to his privacy.

You will just have to adjust to the new normal, maybe considering how you might have felt to have a parent involved in your marriage.

Any one of those things could cause marital problems. I'd say you've got a good understanding already.