DH rant coming up...

I didn't know that.

Some suggest Grannyrebel should do the job herself but I imagine she already does a lot of things around the house herself, like many of us. It’s about who can do what, who is the most capable and a fair division of labour, and a not unreasonable request I would have thought. I do most of the housework in our house and lots of other stuff like gardening, bills etc, and although it’s not the ‘modern way’ it’s too late to change now and I’m ok with that. But I do expect the odd bit of DIY to be done yet it’s hard work persuading sometimes!

My DH is using his time to convert garage into a workshop.
Sounded fine until I realised that everything in his garage had to come out & has been all over drive & patio for weeks now. He has got a bit bored now so I am going to have to read riot act or it will all still be there this time next year. I speak from past experience!!

You're lucky he knows what a shelf is - oh to have a handy man

If I want something doing, I usually start it off myself, but I am quite happy for him to come and give me a hand or even take over the job.
For things I know he is good at and I am not, if asking him doesn’t work I bring the idea into the conversation when we’re with friends. The menfolk then discuss it and it happens and I am the helper.
That hasn’t been possible these last few weeks.

I think my husband has some sort of jobs OCD. If I mention anything - it’s done - especially just now. I hate to tell you but apart from plastering I don’t think there is anything he can’t do.
This sounds great - and it is - but jobs and projects always more important than seeing friends for instance!! I am much more sociable!
He’s used this time off to be even more productive than usual due to being home.
Makes me feel sooo lazy in comparison. Mind you creating and fixing at least you can see for longer than meals cooked house cleaned beds changed - can’t you?!?!?

Just be thankful you still have your husband and appreciate him while you can

If it's indoors, it's my responsibility, outdoors is his. The electric drill is mine as is the cordless screwdriver. The TV's are his responsibility, the PCs mine. He will do DIY, but it takes him 6 months to think about it, then another 6 months to get round to it.
At the moment, there is very little DIY on the go 'cause i'm busy!

As and when you get your shelves - I know you will! - leave gets perfume in the boxes or they will ‘fade’

I learned through out our marriage never to ask now late DH to put up extra shelves or do any small carpentry jobs knowing it would be 'are they/ is it necessary'? Going through Yellow Pages was enough and a 'think I will ask etc etc '.

Isn't it great to have somewhere to vent your frustrations with partners, without starting WW3!
I have got DH to do several DIY projects since lockdown. Some of which have been outstanding since we moved here nine years ago! At least this has been a positive result of the virus.

Your post is funny @grannyrebel7 hahahaha... but I do see the seriousness of it all and have been right there in your shoes.. ( not with a shelf but in your situation ) 3 years ago my DH laid a CARPET in the bathroom, my protests of I didnt want a flippin carpet in the bathroom of alllllll places, fell on deaf ears.... so, for the past 3 years I have made my voice heard and how I would prefer vinyl or tiles LIKE THE REST OF THE POPULATION..... but once again, nothing has been done despite the fact I have threatened on numerous occasions to rip the bugger up.... but OHHHHHHH my DH has made some lovely, wonderful improvements to the garden and WHOAAAA we now have a painted garage and whoaaaaa we now have a very tidy tidy garage ...... and I open the bathroom door and stare at the flippin stupid, horrible CARPET !!!

We all feel your pain grannyrebel7

My DH is pretty good when asked to do something and he will usually do a good job. But he procrastinate. He spends more time planning how he is going to do a job and it can be weeks in discussion before he actually starts. I remember years ago when we had not long moved house. I wanted a bedroom painted. We prepped everything and put newspaper down over the floorboards. Several hours later and curious that it was so quiet upstairs I went to see how he was getting on. He was sat on the floor reading all the newspapers and hadn't even started painting. I wouldnt have minded, but the daily newspapers had been in the house for weeks and I was the only one of the two of us who read them.

I had a situation like this years ago, it turned out he wasn’t confident in getting it right and they were all wonky, but instead of saying that, he didn’t want to lose his male pride and admit it. Hasten to add I didn’t ask again

I thought this seemed rather sexist. why not do it yourself?

Perfume on a shelf in the light is wrong. Put it in a dark place. It will last longer.

We're all good at different things. If there's something I'm better at my husband just has to ask. He doesn't have to think of devious ways to persuade me. And it won't take weeks/years to get done. Women nearly have to beg. So yes lets have some equality. And what was wrong with suggesting it would be a little project?

You can buy ready made shelf kits with brackets (from ebay etc) and you basically just have to screw half a dozen screws in the wall. I have put several of these up in our house while DH stands and watches, or hands me the screwdriver. If you are able, have a bash yourself!

I usually start with, giving mine a compliment, you are looking very handsome today, and he usually replies I’m not doing it ???

Always have to many the seed of an idea. This would be 'what do you think about a shelf in the X room'. I'd then go on to basically talk to myself about it discussing what I use it for and how useful it would be. Then I'd leave it to fester. After a week or so I'd be asked where I wanted the shelf and what kind. You have to use a bit psychology in these matters. Of course I know he does the same with me eg moving plants in garden, reorganising cupboards (he needs more space). Make it seem he is not being told but being given a say in any decision. Negotiate!

We know that most household stuff can be done by either, but with me it came down to sharing jobs, fairly and equally, not me doing everything ! I’m thankfully and happily divorced now, but one day as I came home and walked down the garden path I heard banging. I walked in the front door to find my ex putting shelves up in the hallway, and normally a pacifist I just exploded with anger. I was told I’m never happy and never grateful ...... however, when I reminded him that we still had a half finished bedroom unit, half finished kitchen flooring, a half finished garden shed, half finished patio etc and these shelves would probably also be half finished too .... I was told to go forth and multiply ? and yes, I divorced him soon after and the shelves remained unfinished until I paid a proper builder to come and sort my lovely home out.

My late DH was a builder and a perfectionist - as a result I have never so much as picked up a screwdriver or paint brush. I now wish he had taught me some basics.

I've been paving the back yard; my husband hasn't noticed!

I do all my own diy & I really enjoy it. I've taught myself brick-laying & built a small garden wall. Learnt to hang wallpaper, put panelling on plain doors, made stained glass & curtains & blinds! My favourite is making custom pieces of furniture.

It’s no good ‘casually asking’ one’s DH or partner to do something Grannyrebel. That implies it doesn’t matter if it gets done or not.
You have to first establish that there’s a problem. ‘Have you noticed there’s a hole in that skirting board?’ ‘I think we might have rats in the compost heap!’ ‘The washing line seems to have fallen down!’ ‘The kitchen drawer keeps sticking!’ ‘I really could do with a shelf to keep my jewellery on’
It’s then up to the DH to come up with a solution and effect an answer to the problem and although the solution to the problem might involve some delicate negotiation or even compromise, the end result will be an increase in the DH’s self-esteem and, hopefully, job done.
This works better if the DH is one of those people who doesn’t like sitting around not doing very much. If he’s an inveterate slob you’re wasting your time anyway and should probably have given him his marching orders years ago