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Feel sad for my grandchild

(23 Posts)
TwiceAsNice Sun 31-May-20 10:23:16

Yesterday my granddaughter started her period, 29 days after her 11th birthday. She did know what to expect (if you can at 11!) but it was obvious it was a shock to her. She is a twin and her sister was oblivious yesterday even though she was really subdued and unlike her usual self.

My other daughter, her aunty and I were not supposed to know as she’d told Mum not to say anything so it was awful not to be able to acknowledge it and try and help her. I feel it’s such bad timing as she is returning to school tomorrow as she’s year 6. I know it’s a normal thing to happen but I can’t get her little pale face out of my mind. Am I being daft? She seems so young. I was 11and three quarters starting mine , her mum was 12 and aunty still 10 by two days and says she remembers being upset it had happened although I prepared her well too. Sorry I think things just seem worse at the moment and just wanted some thoughts.

Babyshark Sun 31-May-20 10:32:50

I feel more sad about the fact her mum broke her daughters confidence! How unfair of her.

OceanMama Sun 31-May-20 10:39:59

She will be fine. Many of us had to go to school the next day after we started (or started at school!). I'm sure her Mum has shown her what to do and she will manage well.

fourormore Sun 31-May-20 10:40:45

I agree, I can honestly say that I have never been told when my GD started and wouldn't expect it!
Are they living with you? If so I suppose it could be useful to know so that you can understand mood etc. but if not, why on earth would you want to know? Mother has broken that poor girl's confidentiality for no apparent reason with you and Aunty.

fourormore Sun 31-May-20 10:43:16

Posts crossed - I agree with Babyshark but also with Ocean Mama that she will cope. It's the fact that she now can't trust her Mum that saddens me.

MadCatWoman1 Sun 31-May-20 10:56:45

I remember being in my art lesson at school - I was just 11- and having to tell the teacher, who sent me to the headmaster's office (so I had to then tell him), where he gave me a massive sanitary towel and a belt. My last period was at the age of 59!

You GD will be fine, and I'm sure there will be others in her years who are the same.

oldgimmer1 Sun 31-May-20 11:05:57

I agree that her mother has broken a confidence.

She'll be fine.

At least the giant sanitary towel days are over.

MissAdventure Sun 31-May-20 11:10:27

It's a normal, natural occurrence.
No need for a big fuss.

Grannynannywanny Sun 31-May-20 11:23:40

So glad we’ve moved on a lot since “our days”. There are designated toilets in schools where girls can help themselves to pads without having to ask.

My GD started her first period a few months ago. We’d had lots of chats about it well in advance and she knew I had pads here in my house in case her first time was on a sleepover.

It’s sad that she was reluctant for anyone else to know. It would be so much easier on her if everyone around her could be matter of fact about it.

My GD was horrified when I told her about those awful elasticated belts, bulky pads and loops years ago.

Hithere Sun 31-May-20 11:44:42

Baby shark- 1 vote from me.

Your gd will cope, dont make a fuss.
It is a normal bio to biological event.

TwiceAsNice Sun 31-May-20 12:07:27

We are all living together . My daughters are super close and my granddaughter had shown some signs of probably starting her period soon and her aunty knew about that and granddaughter knew she knew she just didn’t know exactly what time she had started. I only knew because I happened to come into the room when they were taking about it so got to know accidentally. I will keep quiet about it unless my granddaughter tells me.

I know it’s normal and we won’t make a “fuss” I just felt sorry for her because she wasn’t herself yesterday and seemed sad.

Calendargirl Sun 31-May-20 12:15:02


I think also it’s the realisation she is no longer a little girl, even though she is just 11. Sometimes I think it’s harder to accept the GC are growing up, more so than when our own children were getting older. Probably the reality that we really are ‘getting on’.

Grannynannywanny Sun 31-May-20 12:15:13

TwiceAsNice I understand how you are feeling. Look on the bright side. You are living under the same roof and can give your GD a big hug if she looks like she needs one.

She might even feel like chatting openly to you about it soon.

TwiceAsNice Sun 31-May-20 12:33:17

Thank you calendar girl and Grannynannywanny . I’ve seen everyone since my last post and apparently coming into the conversation I had misunderstood, granddaughter didn’t mind us knowing she just didn’t want to talk about it so mum had not broken her confidence. Thanks for understanding how I’m feeling I think you are right I just feel a bit “small” about it

MissAdventure Sun 31-May-20 12:42:35

Oh no, don't feel small. flowers

Grannynannywanny Sun 31-May-20 12:52:24

I’m sure everything will fall nicely into place. I think all our emotions are heightened just now. You struck a cord with me mentioning her little pale face. When I see my GC on FaceTime I find myself picking up on little things like that then worrying about it later.

Is her twin still oblivious to the situation? Maybe if your daughter could fully involve her in the situation she could be a good support to her sister. And also she will be prepared for the fact that she might have her first period soon as well.

BlueBelle Sun 31-May-20 12:53:29

Some of us started at school oh my word that seems a long time ago I was about the same age 11/12 and had had a very brief talk from mum bless her so was quite green about it all
I just remember lots of tummy aches and fainting sometimes

Amazingly I can’t remember anything around my two daughters starting it must have gone without any drama or I d have remembered I also can’t remember anything about my son starting to shave he was without a father so I ve no idea how he knew what to do I can’t even remember buying him a razor I do remember having a talk with him about the birds and bees we sat on his bed and I was about to start my ‘little chat’ when he grinned at me, lifted his pillow up and a pack of 3 was under there so that was a tad late wasn’t it ?
Dreadful mother eh

donna1964 Sun 31-May-20 13:03:28

TwiceAsNice...Too many judgemental people on here....ready to jump down your throat. You should not have to explain yourself. Why people cannot just be supportive of each other...I just don't know. ..Take no notice of them. People want to be careful what they write and how they write it on don't know what else people are going think on!

MissAdventure Sun 31-May-20 13:11:21

People have been supportive. It doesn't mean we all have to think the same way.

TwiceAsNice Sun 31-May-20 13:25:23

Thank you donna1964 I was slightly taken aback by a few of the comments. I do find although I think I am managing ok I am sometimes feeling a b it overwhelmed by the virus situation and some other stuff going on at the same time. Perhaps I would have been better about my granddaughter at another time, I don’t know. Thank you and others for their supportive comments .

Hithere Sun 31-May-20 13:50:54

Maybe your gc is sad for so many changes at the same time - being a teenager is not easy.
Period, your body changes and you have to get used to it no matter what. It takes time to adjust.

Maybe she has PMS, cramping and mood can be heavily affected.

JuliaM Sun 31-May-20 14:44:03

We ha e always been 'matter of fact' towards my daughters when they were younger, and now grown with families of their own, Grandchildren too. I would often find one of my girls looking through one of my medical textbooks that I often used at work for educating clients in a setting. If ever they needed to ask a question regarding their.own bodies, that was fine, and a simple honest answer soon put their mind at ease.
Like the designated toilets that schools now have, we have always had a shelf in the under sink Cloakroom cupboard that is well stocked and replenished as needed with Girls Supplies!
There is also things like hand cream, wet wipes, and even spare new lip balms in there, and they know that they dont need to ask if ever they need to use any of them. Being as about 8 different females know about Grandma's cupboard, including my adult daughters, I have no idea who is using the supplies, and just top up as needed. They do know though that its ok to talk if ever they need to sort out a concern or a problem.

tanith Sun 31-May-20 15:05:49

I'm sure she'll be fine with her mum's support. One of my GDs is 15+ still no periods, she told me her friends are envious she doesn't have the bother yet but Mum will ask her GP if nothing happens by her 16th birthday.