Mr P went shopping and he bought......

Thinking about that huge swede (fans self at the thought) ahem, I mean The vegetable, reminded me that you used to be able to ask on the market stall for half a cabbage, or half of most things - even a peach!

* MRS WOO* Great story

Doodle.

One Saturday years ago, my mother discovering that she had forgotten to buy eggs dispatched my dad to Tesco just as the shops were closing. ( in the good old days when supermarkets weren’t open 24/7). He was of the generation of men that was not overly used to food shopping but he came home as proud as punch having “rushed in, grabbed the eggs and left just as they were closing up”.
Next day, a Sunday, my mum needed to use the eggs. They looked normal - half a dozen speckled things in one of those clear plastic boxes. She picked one up, tried to crack it, tried and tried to crack it but it was absolutely solid. She tried them all but none would crack. My mother had a very sensitive stomach and a very vivid imagination. She could only think that all the eggs were rotten and had somehow fossilised and that thought had her heaving into the kitchen sink imagining the vile smell if they had cracked.
Eventually when she had given up any idea of cooking with eggs that day I had a look at the egg box ..... and read that they were 100% sugar eggs especially for Easter.
My father escaped a “telling off” for buying sweets not eggs as my mother was somewhat embarrassed by the kitchen sink drama that she had created.

I do an online shop which is delivered on a Wednesday. Every week I say to Mr Amber "is there anything you want me to add to the shop?" And without fail he replies, "just get what you think"

When the shop arrives and we're unpacking it, he'll look into a few bags and then with puppy dog eyes say "didn't you get any (rare, hard to find item) then?"

I shop for necessities, DH for "extras". He manages to spend more than me even though my haul feeds us all week and his just about lasts the weekend.

My DH has been the “shopper” in our house since lockdown.
He’s never cooked, and his substitutions for things he couldn’t get have been interesting. He’s a canny bloke though - he always brings me a bunch of flowers back so i wouldn’t grumble if he got inappropriate items. ?

My DH is quite good at shopping and often does major shops for 2 or our 3 daughters!
However my bug bear is that if he can’t find an item on my list he just guesses rather than popping me a text or a quick call to check ??‍♀️

I think of a Swede as a dainty turnip ?

But wouldn’t it be boring to get exactly what you had in mind when you wrote the list? Every shopping expedition must have you breathless with excitement waiting to see which misinterpretation is the winner!

In the far off days when DH did the occasional shop he never bothered with the unexciting necessities (washing up liquid, loo paper, polish etc) and simply omitted them. Never bought alternatives either. In fact was deliberately so bad at it that he was only asked in emergencies.

Granny23 I found that hilarious. I only hope you had sufficient freezer room for the bacon! As for the empty cones, I was almost in tears with laughter.

Phoenix I am not sure if a normal freezer could cope with the amount of food Mr P can and does cook. Whatever his job, he is obviously wasted.

Is it possible you could do online shopping for food? You may save money!

No haggis?

Hello all !

A bit of a result, my neighbour was happy to have half of the monster swede, so I got Mr P to cut it in half (took a bit of doing!) and bagged it up and popped it on her doorstep.

The remainder still provided enough as a side dish to go with tonight's roast chicken, and some to freeze!

Don't you just love a happy ending!

phoenix

At least he did better than my father. Dad is a wonderful man, but bless him, cooking is not one of his gifts. One of the first times he had cooked for Mum before they married, he also made chili, along with sauerkraut and peas. Problem is he made it a one-pot special. Mum said she ate it, and she told him that subsequently she would cook for them both, but he had to buy half the groceries. (They had previously agreed to take turns cooking for each other.)

Charleygirl heaven knows what he was thinking, he said the others were on the small side! Please bear In mind that the first thing he ever cooked for me was chilli, and I can home from work to find every pan I owned bubbling away with it! Delicious though it was, it could have fed a Harvest Supper. I had no freezer at the time.

He had cooked 2, possibly 3 pounds of mince, 3 cans of tomatoes, 2 or 3 cans of kidney beans etc. I think in a previous life he may have been in the catering corps!

I now harness this compulsion towards large quantities by getting him to batch cook for the freezer!

Granny23 I feel your pain, nothing worse than expecting a nice ice cream and just getting the empty bit!

Doodle behave!

I always thought that a swede was a swede unless you live in Devon in which case it's a turrrrnip.

I am reminded of the time my parents went to visit my grandfather to help him out. Grandma was in hospital recovering after a stroke (she recovered most of her function; sadly she and Grandpa have both since gone to their reward) and Grandpa, bless him, wasn't much of a cook. Grandpa wanted Mum's help to make a pot of soup, as that's something he could freeze and heat up quickly. Mum said they needed to start with some onion. Grandpa proceeded to chop enough onion to create a huge mound on the cutting board and then asked if that was enough. Mum said yes, that was enough. Dad asked Mum sotto voce if they were planning on making French onion soup!

My shopping is currently being done by my Son in Law (a Yorkshireman) and left on the doorstep by my DD. I send a list via messenger to his phone and have discovered that I really need to give a full description rather than a shorthand version of the items I want. It has become clear that some foodstuffs, especially bakery items, are called. My request for 4 DFanidh (meaning danish pastries) elicited 4 packs of Danish Bacon, and to get the rolls I call softies, I have to ask for Baps. This week I asked for Ice Cream Cones. Instead of the Cornetto type that I was expecting, (perfect to pass to the DGC if they are here for a socially distancing visit in the garden) got a huge box of empty cones.

I think you should be grateful Mr P brought you home a swede. Most men wouldn’t want to share their home and wife with a handsome blonde Scandinavian but I suppose as you put one on the list he felt obliged to bring one back. ?

phoenix I am so pleased that you and Mr.P live in Devon and I live in NW London so there is no likelihood of Mr P perhaps volunteering and buying food for me.

Where on earth does he shop to find these monstrosities and does he not give thought to the size and perhaps wastage if the item is not eaten?

If you asked for 4 oranges and they were out of stock- would he come home with 4 lemons instead?

Nice and helpful as he may be- you may keep him!!!

Good grief! It must be a refugee from a flower and produce show.

Elegran it's a bit too big for our microwave!

Have used that method with others in the past.

That swede, phoenix - you don't need to chop and boil it. Trim the bottom level and stand it in/on a microwave-proof plate. Then heat it on high for 20 minutes. A bit more if it is a real giant.
Take it out and cut in in half (be careful, the inside is very hot) and scoop out the (now perfectly cooked) inside to mash it with butter, salt and black pepper. You will still have to find room in the freezer for it, but you will have skipped the chopping stage.

Lucca I treasured my mushroom ketchup, it adds such a piquant flavour to any beef dish. Sadly can’t seem to get it now ☹️

BTW, it was a bar of chocolate, not a box, but much appreciated just the same!

80% cocoa, salted caramel!