Should I be so upset?

Forgot to add, congratulations! My son had twins and one was poorly and it is a stressful and emotional time for the whole family. It's not all plain sailing but wonderful times are ahead for you all. Hope all is well soon.

As a mother of children with partners, you have to put a tight lid on your needs, wants and emotions. Even tighter when it comes to DILs. Read the DIL-MIL threads on here and take care.
Try and remember what receiving advice from your MIL felt like. Mine wanted to give me her huge heavy pram that wouldn’t fit into the boot of our car, and was rather ungracious when I declined it.
I am afraid you have to take whatever your grown up children give you in term as of time and attention. You love them more than they love you.
With my children’s various wives and husbands, I always preface every sentence with ‘ what do you think of this idea ‘ or ‘ is it OK with you if ?
I am on good terms with them all as I keep my mouth shut.

please be tolerant. My DD informed us of our DGD's arrival by text, my DH objected, and they haven't spoken since - five years later. So sad.

Aww pen that’s a shame they volunteered for everyday ! Why would you when you were waiting, you’d think they’d appreciate a day off. Wonder if they’ll regret it ?

We were told quite quickly by my son but then were last to be able to visit because DL parents always get first dibs, Same with christening felt totally left out.Going back to work DL mum asked and said yes to everyday.So be prepared for more hurts.My thoughts are as grandchild gets older I will always be there. I will have had to deal with less day to day things so less reason to clash over ways of treating them with DL Congratulations enjoy your new role and don't feel guilty for feeling hurt remember it passes.

@glamnan123 I once said to my 32 year old son jokingly “you never ring me!” And he said “ you never ring me either!” So now I ring him if I want to hear his voice. Their baby is due in a couple of weeks and he may ring or he may not ( though I hope he does!) There will be a group WhatsApp message and one of us will ring the other....I try to make sure he doesn’t have to worry about me as he’s got quite enough in his plate....

You’ve made some very good points in your post Glamnan. Emotions are running high at this time. Glad everyone is on the mend and you’ve heard from you son ?

Sepsis can KILL. I can hardly blame him for only posting a message on SM. He went in a few minutes from being excited over being a new dad to worrying that his wife and child could DIE.

In such a situation, asking for an individual phone call would be the height of being unreasonable.

I understand your feelings completely but it turned out to be a medical crisis. Why don't you ring him to see how they are going. If he's not happy about phone calls then text him. My son hates using social.media and I'm right into it. He constantly says just ring me but I'd rather text or what's app.

Congratulations. Always a joy when a new little person joins the family.

Congratulations! Glad he's now been in touch. The experience must have been scary for them both. Hope you have a photo and that all goes well from now on

Gosh thank you all so much for your kind responses. All ok now after a sleepless night where I stupidly allowed my thoughts to spiral and had a right pity party for one! Upshot was that very emotional and exhausted son rang me first thing this morning and updated me on everything. Basically, after the birth and the initial post on WhatsApp things got a bit hairy which ended up with Mum being put on a drip and baby too with suspected sepsis! Plus, they ended up staying just on the delivery suite where everything was considered sterile and he never really left his partner’s side. All seems okay today and much improved. I know everything is done slightly differently these days plus men often don’t think like us but I’m going to have to learn to control my emotions which this blooming virus is heightening. My granddaughter is obviously beautiful and I can’t wait to see her.
Thank you again for taking the time to respond and letting me vent. x

New parents tend to be inundated with people contacting them. They could be wondering why you haven’t rung them.

My son and his then girlfriend were living in Mexico when my first grandchild was due. She went into labour the day before my 60th birthday. Waited all day for news but nothing. Finally found out that I was a grandma on facebook. To say I was hurt is an understatement. The world and his wife all knew before I did. I had to ring my ex husband to tell him he was a grandpa !! First time grandparents for us and we were both so very hurt by the lack of communication.

Oh and don't take it personally. There's definitely nothing calculated about what's going on. It's a super busy (traumatic) time. Also joyful and exhausting. Try not to make this a you and them thing. Be happy for them.

Congratulations.

I think you should try not to be upset and just accept that so much of life, including major events, is shared via social media these days.

If you were informed on a family WhatsApp group, your son would have assumed that posting it there meant all the close family were notified. They would probably have considered that similar to a phone call and it is far more intimate than just coming across it on facebook.

I think messenger and WhatsApp have replaced phone calls to a large extent - especially for the under-40s.

Just offer your congratulations via WhatsApp and enjoy the safe arrival of your grandchild. Send a card/present whenever you can and don't waste time wondering whether to be offended. There will be plenty of time for chats and cuddles when appropriate.

My husband and I didn't call anybody. We messaged his parents a few pics of the baby when she was born and he shut off his phone to be fully present with me. He also shut my phone off. He called his parents hours later. I chatted with mine at least a day or two later.

My family were notified I was going into labour via whatsapp chat the night before and they got a video of me holding the baby right after she was born. His parents didn't get that video because I was topless in it.

His parents weren't notifued I was in labour because I wasn't sure if it was false labour or not and his mom is the type to be up all night worrying. My family don't ever wring their hands, worry or TELL you they are worrying.

Sometimes, DILs need to not have the outside pressure from ILs, especially if there's a tendency for people to react super emotionally.

If you take things like this too personally, there's going to be a lot more you'll be hurt about.

The grandchild is just as much yours as her mother's, but the birth and post partum is a very delicate time and DILs get to call the shots and be 100% comfortable with the amount of contact and info given.

With first grandson early in the morning, I did not know until 6 am because no signal. My other daughter phoned me because she knew I did not have a Smart phone for WhatsApp. With second it was facetime before anyone else and with 3rd, I was at the London Series Baseball match. I got a text to say read your messages ?

I understand how you must be feeling. I would be upset if I had found out on a social medal group. I hope the babies mum is doing well on the antibiotics. It must be a worrying time for you all. I also hope your son gets in touch with you soon for a chat. Good luck and best wishes to the new parents and new grandparents.

I always look at these situations this way. That person, i.e. your son is expected to make..... I don't know how many phone calls. But you only have to make one.

Btw everyone I connect here using my phone so I’m not too sure what a lot of the icons mean or how to work my way around the site that well. The print is quite small too so any hints or tips would be handy! Thank you, hope you’re all having a good day x

I feel your pain, but try not to take it too personally. I’m a first time nana and bought up my only son on my own so always had a close relationship and gransnet and everyone’s views were a god send to me in the early days 18 months ago. You do lose part of yr son when they get partners however well you get on with their chosen partner. Daughters by default most of the time are closer to their mums and we are thought of as the queens a lot of the time by our daughter in laws. As you know now your son had a lot going on and especially now there must be loads more restrictions for safety. Just congratulate them and offer practical help but if it’s refused don’t be upset, let them enjoy their time and do it their way. When they are ready they will ask and trust me they will!!!!!

I spoke by Messenger to my DS and DIL in Australia, on her due date, and nothing was happening. Next day I was surprised to see a family group message that she had had an emergency Caesarian.
I heard nothing more for two days, then just a quick message to say they were all ok. It was almost a week later, two days after she arrived home, that I finally got a proper chat on Messenger, and met my new grandson.
Having your first baby can be a hectic and traumatic time. I was dying to see the new arrival, but they had more important things to occupy themselves with, and knew that I would understand.
He is almost a month old now, and I have just finished chatting with them, and seeing the baby up close. Your new little family will soon find time, too, when things calm down. Don’t tell them anything about feeling left out. Just enjoy being a granny, and look forward, as I am, to lots of cuddles in the future.

I wouldn't phone him - a text to wish them all well, etc. is something he can read when it's a convenient time, whereas a phone call could be at a very bad time for him & just add to the stress.

My parents were the first people I told but that was 40 years ago and only out of duty. Things are so different now.