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Should I be so upset?

(104 Posts)
Glamnan123 Sat 06-Jun-20 21:02:46

Hi there. Sorry this is my first post and it’s a moan but I’ve just become a grandma today and even though I’m close to my son and his partner apart from posting the news on our group family WhatsApp, he’s not actually rung me. Am I being too sensitive? I know people do things differently nowadays but I’m really hurt. I’m so happy for them but feel like it’s going to be a bit of an anti climax when I hear from him.

Thanks

Doodle Sat 06-Jun-20 21:07:45

When you say he posted the news on your group family What’s app I’m assuming that he knew you were part of the family group and would therefore get the message. When my first grandchild was born (pre mobile phones) our son phoned very quickly and gave us the news then we didn’t hear from him for ages. There is a lot going on when a baby is born and I expect he is taking care of his wife and new child. Also it may be that the phone signal in the ward is not good and he would have to go outside to phone you. Perhaps he is unwilling or unable to leave his wife or child at the moment. If I were you I would just be really happy to have a new grandchild and wait until your son has the chance to phone with more details. Congrats you the way. 😊

Glamnan123 Sat 06-Jun-20 21:14:52

Doodle, thank you for that. I just needed a different take on things instead of reacting emotionally as I tend to do. Thank you for the congratulations too.

Hetty58 Sat 06-Jun-20 21:18:35

I bet he's still in shock and/or exhausted so do give him time. He did let you know and I'm sure he'll catch up later.

BlueSky Sat 06-Jun-20 21:24:04

Glamnan yes he'll get round to call you. Lots going on so just wait for further details. flowers

merlotgran Sat 06-Jun-20 21:27:14

I would be upset too, Glamnan. You're his mother. A short phone call announcing the happy news is something I would have expected.

Unfortunately, social media seems to be the default way of communicating these days.

Oopsminty Sat 06-Jun-20 21:30:40

Ooh, don't be upset, Glamnan123

I didn't speak to my son when his girls were born. It was all done with messages via Whatsapp and FB!

Same with my daughter when she had her two boys

Thinking about it, I hardly ever speak to my children on the phone!

So don't be worrying and enjoy being a Grandma smile

Silverbirch29 Sat 06-Jun-20 21:35:00

Congratulations on becoming a grandma. I would feel the same as you did though I hope he calls you soon x

Jane10 Sat 06-Jun-20 21:45:42

I would be upset not to be phoned with the happy news especially as you'd be bound to be worrying and wondering how it had gone. Modern times though, modern communications. 📱

Hithere Sat 06-Jun-20 21:48:44

I am sure he will call you when everything has calmed down

It is way easier to announce something via social media or WhatsApp compared to having to make multiple calls

JuliaM Sat 06-Jun-20 21:55:21

Being a birthing partner can be a wonderful but also exhausting experiance, he probably needs to get some well deserved rest has he perhaps hasnt slept for the ladt few days if the new Mum had a long and dfficult first Labour. He has a lot of things to organise and do ready for the new family to arrive home.
If you really want to help then why not send them a meal either that you have cooked yourself that they can easily reheat when needed, or perhaps order and pay for a takeaway meal of their favourite food to be delivered to there door once they arive home if you can? They are lrobably feeing quite overwhelmed by emotion at their new situation at the moment, and im sure once they have had time to settle down they will call you with further news and give you the chance to share in their happy celebrations, just give them time thats all.

Jane10 Sat 06-Jun-20 22:01:49

It's always been an exhausting time for a young parent. It's not a new thing. The least a new dad can do is phone the new mum's parents and his own parents.

ElaineI Sat 06-Jun-20 22:05:37

Congratulations Glamnan. It does sound strange to me but depends on how your family communicate. DSiL phoned us when both DGS1 and DGD were born but DGS1 was 9 weeks early and we had rushed down in middle of night as DD1 waters had gone and they had to leave wet towels everywhere and nothing packed. It was very worrying and he had to wait till he had been to NNU with baby. With DGD he phoned again later as DD1 had cervical suture and became ill with sepsis in final stages of delivery so he waited to see that she was ok and then DGD was ok (3 weeks early when suture came out) as she was taken to NNU too. With DD2 I was with her as ex was comatose in a street in Edinburgh after taking drugs so I phoned DH and messaged her sister and brother. So I guess it depends on family dynamics and circumstances.

BlueSky Sat 06-Jun-20 22:08:51

But that's how they communicate for speed nowadays, so at least you were given the news. I hear all my children and grandchildren's news on fb!

Hithere Sat 06-Jun-20 22:17:05

Congratulations!

Of course you have the right to be upset. You had an idea how you would like to be informed of the birth of your son's child and it didn't happen that way.

Now it is time to reassess about other assumptions you may have to avoid further hurt.

Doodledog Sat 06-Jun-20 22:51:46

I'm sure there was a time when it was considered rude to use the telephone for a message like that, and people would be expected to deliver it in person.

Times change, and these times in particular are difficult. My niece recently had a baby and her husband was told that if he left the hospital he wouldn't be allowed back in, because of the virus. Maybe there was something like that going on? If your son's battery was flat he wouldn't be able to get away to charge it.

In any case, my advice, for what it's worth, is not to say anything about this offline. You are right at the start of a new stage in your relationship with your son, his partner and your lovely new grandchild, and the very last thing you need is to be accused of making it about you. I don't mean that unkindly at all, but I do think it's a case of least said, soonest mended.

Enjoy being a granny - I'm very envious of you having a new baby to coo over when you can get to see the new family in person.

Glamnan123 Sat 06-Jun-20 23:05:45

Thanks everybody for kindly taking time to respond. I feel bad now as Mum and baby are having to have antibiotics by drip as Mum has suspected sepsis so being precautious so poor lad has had it rough after the initial euphoria. I still haven’t spoken to him but have taken all your advice on board and will maybe review and reassess my expectations.

V3ra Sat 06-Jun-20 23:30:50

Why don't you phone him tomorrow and ask if there is anything he needs you to do or organise to help?
Please don't take offence at anything he does or doesn't do where you're concerned.
He has a newborn baby and poorly partner to worry about.
Your role is to support him, not the other way around.
Huge congratulations on becoming a granny, here's to many happy years ahead ☺️

mumofmadboys Sun 07-Jun-20 07:12:54

Congratulations! Give him a ring would be my advice

jenpax Sun 07-Jun-20 07:23:18

I got texts from the SIL when my DGC were born, and was more than happy with that, a whatsapp family group is much the same and to be fair he’s probably too busy to be phoning people yet. I do think you need to take this in your stride especially if his wife has sepsis which is a huge worry for him.

Urmstongran Sun 07-Jun-20 07:36:15

I’d have felt hurt too. Yes, WA is a great way ‘to let everyone know’ but come on - surely new grandparents deserve a joyous phone call? What’s 5 minutes at a celebratory time? I don’t get the ‘poor exhausted new parents’ excuse.

Furret Sun 07-Jun-20 08:15:43

Congratulations. He’s probably up in the air and considers that he has let everyone know. Don’t start off on the wrong foot by feeling upset- I presume you’ve WhatsApp’d him back?

cornergran Sun 07-Jun-20 08:17:28

Oh glamnan, you must be worried about Mum and baby now but don’t forget you knew nothing initially of the need for antibiotics I’d also have felt a twinge of hurt and disappointment at not having a quick phone call. Congratulations on the arrival of your grandchild, is it your first? We do have all sorts of expectations which it can be best to put to the back of our minds. I’m sure you’ll speak with your son very soon, especially if he’s worried. In the meantime reply kindly and gently to messages, I’m sure you’ll have sent your love to them all. Do let us know how Mum and baby are

Katyj Sun 07-Jun-20 08:17:49

Yes I’d be hurt too. You probably just wanted to hear his voice, you can’t portray the emotion in a text.
Try not to read too much into it, you will hear soon. My sons fiancé announced they were getting married on Facebook I was so upset because we weren’t expecting it, we had a call early next morning to apologise. Congratulations.

Katyj Sun 07-Jun-20 08:56:58

So sorry to hear your news. Hope mum and baby are well ASAP flowers