Lost confidence in driving

Thank you i do take myself off and practice i have made a list of places to go and i tick them off as i have done them,i think it,s just practice i need yo build up my confidence again x

FoghornLeghorn that is wonderful, compassionate advice and I hope Glammanana is ready for it.
Baby steps, ones you are happy with, that build confidence. Good Luck ?

glammanana

I'm finding it hard to get back behind the wheel after selling our bigger family car after loosing my lovely John 7 months ago I had intended on buying something like a little Mini or similar but my confidence has gone completely the stupid thing is I used to drive 40+ miles a day to work and back and to places like Birmingham or Newcastle where the Rds are awful but I never bothered then now I am so worried about getting behind the wheel again.

Glammanana. I’m sorry to hear about your lovely husband. I suspect your fear of driving is a symptom of your grief. I’ve found that when somebody very special to us dies, so profound is the shift in our world that it no longer seems a safe place. Something so dreadful has happened that suddenly we’re waiting for the next awful thing, so day to day actions that we used to undertake without thinking now become major hurdles to be feared.

Think of your lovely John urging you on to go out and buy your new car. Perhaps find someone patient and understanding to accompany you on drives, just to reacclimatise to being behind the wheel? The longer you leave it the more difficult it will be and it would be such a shame to lose your independence when in reality, you’re perfectly capable.

I’m certain that your John would be so proud of you overcoming your fear. ?

Not surprised all those narrow wiggly roads with tall hedges growing up either side. Then the idiots who zoom up behind you and tailgate trying to make you go faster. Being a Londoner I'm more than used to driving in traffic but get in the country and although I love places like Devon but hate driving about

I had a bizarre meltdown driving back from Cornwall. Had been driving for 33 years, then just went oh my god, can’t do this. Was in a very stressy point of life. So that sort of explains it. But have never got confidence back. Which is so annoying. I’m ok if I have a qualified driver next to me. So I know if I go loopy, they will take over. But on my own, nightmare. Drove on my own abroad in the past, now the M25 is my nemesis...

Devon Somerset and any other local county have very narrow lanes which take a lot of getting used to if you have moved from a town our areas have not been improv for the car like many .Go on an advanced driving course to give you the confidenceence

I still have the petrol in my car I put in the tank in March. I do feel less confident but I haven’t been doing that much driving obviously.
However I would urge people not to rely on OH driving and to keep in practice as much as possible . Mine has had to have 2 separate years not driving post seizure and is now very reluctant to drive. So now I have to do most of the driving with a very critical passenger. ?

Nonogran I'm often a tourist in Devon but you'd not spot me by my reversing! We live in the depths of rural Shropshire & reversing skills are an absolute must! Practice certainly make perfect -DDIL was useless when she came to us first but is now fantastic & can go back as quick as forwards. So many cars have rear view cameras to help with reversing & they are brilliant though I have to admit I do tend to skew right round & look over my shoulder- old habits die hard! For lack of confidence driving, I'd definitely recommend a few refresher lessons at a driving school & get practising!

I was on the verge of giving up my car as I live in central London and I so rarely used it. Then my son and his family moved out to the country. I hated driving there but eventually I made myself do it and I am now ok on that route! Still won’t go anywhere else. I find I am fine in a London as the average speed is so low - hate driving at speed.

Agree with nanogran about the reversing. Freaky on a narrow lane to have a tractor bearing down on you. Do look out for gateways and passing spaces and take your time getting in them or stick to main roads. I find the reverse cameras on my car to be very useful and no cranking your head round. The problem comes when you drive a car without reverse cameras and realise you’ve forgotten how to do it!

Since going g through the menopause I've lost confidence in my driving. Sadly, most of my relatives live at various points off the M25 so I have little choice. I used to be a keen motorcyclist, riding a 70 mile round trip in to central London. This is the last thing I ever expected...

I am the same. I started having driving lessons at 17 and gave up when my instructor put a gun in her mouth. I tried again at 19 but had to give up because I couldn't afford the lessons. I tried again at 39 and passed my test third time but kept having mishaps and minor accidents, so decided that I am not supposed to drive! Besides which my husband criticised me all the time and destroyed my confidence. I am more than happy to be a passenger or to use public transport or my legs!

No, not just you!
It’s me as well, living life in the bus lane!

Take instructions. I did not learn to drive till I was 45 and i wish I had learned when i was young. It took me 8 attempts to pass and I still daren't do motorways.

As others have said do contact a local driving instructor for few confidence boosting 'lessons'. They will be well used to doing this with drivers who are new to the area, and it will really help you to relax behind the wheel and enjoy your driving again. I did that when we moved here. As a Londoner I was quite happy driving all over London and the M25 etc, but the first time I encountered a fully loaded tractor on a narrow country road it fased me a bit! So I booked three lessons. The instructor said he wished more people would do it when they move to the country. It certainly boosted my confidence. Wishing you good luck and safe driving.

@BlueSky, no it isn't just you. As a teenager I had no interest in driving and could not afford lessons anyway. In fact it worked out that I could never really afford it until after both of my parents had passed away and I inherited some money from them. I started lessons and hated it from the start, once a lesson had finished I was already dreading the next. I sailed through the theory with no problems. I think it didn't help that this coincided with the start of menopause for me and I would get dizzy spells which made me think that I wasn't safe driving. Eventually I decided to give up although I felt as if I was letting everyone down. I feel that had I done this as a teenager when road's were quieter I would have been okay but these days it is just too stressful.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I learned to drive in Devon Trisha and it was a lot nicer driving there than in a large city. IIWY I'd consult a street map first, choose a quiet time and go round the block, then up and down the main streets for a while and then onto somewhere pleasant for a cup of tea so that it could be combined with something pleasant.
May I ask - do you like your car? How do you feel about driving it in a town or city? Perhaps you'd feel more confident with something smaller or an automatic.
I loved driving down to the sea front at Exmouth and miss it. I was never very keen on those high-hedged narrow country lanes though and even my BIL who is very experienced found them a challenge. Use your common sense, gird your loins and I'm sure you can do it. Good luck.

I've been giving my car a weeekly local run since lockdown just to keep the battery and brakes in shape. However, I did a bypass and motorway last Sunday and was amazed to feel a degree of nervousness as I approached. Never would have believed it after all these years of driving. So glad of my short weekly jaunts or I may have found the whole experience scary. I'm going to do more regular trips now.

I only drive to the shops etc. DH does all the distance driving. What I don’t understand is that I’ll sit next to him watching the road. I know exactly what he’s going to do next: will often point out a driver that is going to do something dangerous etc. I can read the road very well. But I can’t do it when I’m actually behind the wheel myself. Slip roads terrify me more than anything.

I found that early in the lockdown I got nervous of driving simply because I got out of the habit. In addition, with roads being quieter I encountered some really bad driving which made me even more nervous. Now, although I'm not driving every day, I'm going out a few times a week, not just once for essentials, and my nerves are settling. I've been driving daily for over 45 years so it came as a bit of a shock, but it is passing. I think the 'use it or lose it' applies here. Try to do small journeys regularly and offer to drive even if your partner could do it. I think your confidence will return.

When I was married my husband always drove if we went out together. He only let me drive on the way home if he'd had a few drinks or on a long journey if he got tired! When we first split up I found long journeys quite scary although short ones were no problem as I still drove daily in the locality. In the end I just had to make myself do it otherwise I'd have missed out on so much as my children both live hundreds of miles away.

I do use the train to visit my DD as she is over 400 miles away and when I'm there she has a car we can use and public transport there is brilliant, but I always drive to see DS as I would need to use taxis as well as a train and he doesn't drive himself although his wife does.

I was looking forward to getting my bus pass later this year as I thought I could maybe use the car less, but the bus services have been reduced so much I don't think it will be of much benefit, so being able to drive is an absolute necessity for me. I think it is for many people these days unless you live in a city where public transport is reasonable.

Why don’t you choose a quite time like a Sunday morning and go out for an hour on your own and get used to the new area and driving around it’s roads and the new car. That’s what my instructor told me to do when I passed my test all be it 47 years ago.
I love driving and will drive length and breadth of Briton but understand not everyone does.

I’m the same. I tend to let my partner drive but then I’m an anxious passenger.
I blame it on a couple of incidents last year. Firstly, a huge chunk of metal flew off a scrap lorry coming towards me, it bounced on the road inches from my car and caused quite a lot of damage. I kept thinking of the consequences had it hit the windscreen. The damage was repaired and within a week some stupid woman rear ended us at speed at a junction. I ended up with whiplash and was really shaken. All this within weeks of losing my dear Mum. I’m determined I will regain my confidence, used to drive back and forth to central France a few years ago!

I think as we age and with the state of our roads/more traffic and aggressive drivers no wonder we lose confidence. As others have said I think new areas can easily throw you. I’ve always been confident and am only in my early sixties but am considering a move to a different area. I leave ridiculously early when viewing a property as it makes me feel anxious that I won’t find it! My kids have taught me to use Waze on my phone which is like having someone in the car directing you. I find you just have to make
Yourself do these things otherwise lack of confidence sets in.

I have had the same issue TrishaJ and we havent moved! In particular my brain decided I couldnt merge onto a difficult fast road near to where we live. I would get nervous just thinking about it. During lock-down I was obliged to use the road at least twice a week to access a supermarket (doing shopping for neighbours who were shielding). It was only last week that I realised I was swinging onto the road without a second thought. The more you do these things the less alarming they get, whereas before lock-down I was avoiding the road in question and it was getting more frightening. I reckon if you go out very regularly widening the scope of your driving each time you will find you get used to the routes and more and more confident.