Rewarding GC's good work - what should I do or say now?

Cassandra, just focus on the joy you have given the child at being able to unexpectedly buy a toy he has longed for. Hope everything else works out for the family.

Don't give them money if you need to tell them what to spend it on.

Thank you all for your advice. I am very grateful to you all. I am sure you are right and I should allow them to have fun - especially now.
I have to say, never before has it occurred to me that I should have any say in how money given to GC should be spent. But this year, I have worried that, if things go badly wrong, the family might regret not having been a bit more careful. Years ago, I had to cope with a period of unemployment following illness. At the time, I was a single parent of two teenagers; and my ex husband had gone bankrupt and had enough problems of his own. I had to take control then for us all to survive, and I expect this experience still influences my thinking and behaviour too much.

cornergran and Hetty58, your posts were both especially helpful in different ways. I would like to think I do show that I value my GC other than through presents. I do believe that the best thing we can give anyone is our time; and since lockdown we have regular 1-1 meetings via Zoom to read stories to each other, talk about what we have been doing, and play silly games. Would recommend this to anyone who can't see their own grandchildren very often.

Thank you all for being there at a difficult time.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

* Cassandra* first of all so sorry to hear about your SIL's news.
I send my DGC money for every occasion and I tell them, it's for you to spend or save as you wish.
As for your specific question I agree with Hetty

If you gift money then you have no right to tell anyone how to spend it surely

My jaw hit the floor when you starting whinging about the GC “frittering” your gift away

Sounds like you daughter under incredible stress
And their father very very sick

I think the best thing you can do is keep your distance and judgement to yourself

And I’d put money on the amounts we are talking about here being circa £10 - £50

I have always looked on gifts as being things that someone would't (or couldn't afford to) buy for themselves. Luxuries, if you like.

I will happily help out my family if I can afford to do so and they 'need' the money; but I still see gifts as separate from that, and if I send money in lieu of a gift I actively encourage them to spend it on something frivolous.

When times are difficult it can make all the difference to treat yourself to something just because you want it, and it doesn't matter whether the thing that makes you happy is 'worthy' or not - it's the fact that it is a treat. Whether it is a luxury bath oil or a Ferrari depends on the budget, but the principle is the same.

I would be happy that my Grandchild had spent the money on something she wanted rather than worry about educational value. Anyway, imaginative play with a toy is educational and can help with creative thought; very useful for creative writing. Learning to be happy is also a tool for life. Presumably she will have had to buy her gift with a budget, make decisions about what she will or won't buy, etc which are all educational processes. It doesn't have to say "educational" on the box to have educational value; any teacher worth their salt will tell you that.
I hope your daughter's treatment goes well and you are able to give her and your grandchild the support they will need. I am sure you don't need telling (especially as you did acknowledge the triviality in the OP) that this is not something to address out loud at this point.

You don't give a gift and then stipulate conditions with it, mind your own business and just enjoy the gift and the pleasure it gives.

Bit harsh Bbbface, op sounds like a lovely caring gran who has been through tough times and know about hindsight.

Agree midgey uncalled for post.

Yes, think of it as spreading a little love and joy.
I hope the treatment is successful this time and your son-in-law and daughter's little family pull through.

Thinking of you.
I suspect you are unusually anxious for them whilst they are struggling inside.

31cassandra264
Did you gives the gift with two hands and an open heart and closed eyes or one hand and open eyes. Your DD and SIL are going through a tough time. Let the GC have a bit of joy she has certainly worked hard enough.

To my mind, pocket money is to spend on whatever you like. It can be saved up for something more expensive, or spent on something cheap and frivolous.
Your grandchild is going to have to face up to serious things soon and I think your daughter wants him to enjoy himself now.

Do please try to accept that they have to live their life as they see fit.

Surely the money you send your grandchild is meant to be his to use as he likes?

If your SIL realises that his illness is so serious that he may not live very much longer, I understand why he might want to go ahead with buying a new house. It probably makes him feel he is doing what he can for his family if he is going to have to die soon, or be incapacitated by ill health for the rest of his life.

Please just let them be...this could possibly be the last time that they can have some fun so please dont begrudge them just because of your own feelings. This isnt about you its about them

I give my two grandchildren £100 each , at the start of the summer holidays , it’s not an enormous amount but it’s what I can afford. I call it ‘ice -cream money’..... dont care if they fritter it away.... when it’s gone.. it’s gone! Not everything is about education .... frittering money is actually a lesson in life!!

There is no way I would interfere with how my gifted money is spent! I gave money to my DAC and DGC from inheritance I received and told them to spend it as they wished. A gift is just that, a gift, there should be no rules attached to it. You sound a caring and thoughtful parent/grandparent please don’t cause friction by instilling your views, it could lead to upset and resentment. I hope your SIL’s treatment combats the illness once and for all and to you and your family.

You sound like the most caring of GPS. Try really hard to make your giving as unconditional as your love. I seldom find out what my monetary gifts ever buy. No problem for me.

Sometimes it's nice to be frivolous.

Once given, it is not yours.

Again, thank you all for getting back to me on this. I appreciate your time, your thoughts and your kindness. Will keep my mouth shut! let them seize the days while they can, and try to be there for my family whatever happens.

I'm reminded of some friends, some 40 years ago who wouldn't let their young daughter have any toys that they considered to be frivolous or not sensible (or naff).As soon as their daughter was given some money for her birthday she went to the next car boot where she bought a load of second hand my little pony items. Parents not pleased byt duagheter was chuffed.

cassandra.
I do hope all works out well for your family.