Rewarding GC's good work - what should I do or say now?

How lovely you send your gc a letter. I am sure that your gc appreciates the money you send and buying something takes their mibd off their mother being ill for a while. As a child I always spent my money quickly but now I am very sensible. Being sensible with money vomes with sge and experienced.

I wonder Cassandra if you are focussing on what the money is spent on because you are so sad/ worried by the bigger picture. As you can't do anything about your SIL's health, you are thinking about something 'more controllable'. Hope things work out Ok for your SIL and he covers/ improves

It has happened to me twice recently that gifts I gave were put up for sale on Facebook (where I could not fail to see them). Of curse it hurt - but then, I said … when you give something, it must have no strings attached. How, otherwise, could we get so many bargains from charity shops? Your relatives are probably realising that their bucket list is still there, but now they have a shorter time for it to be run through. This is their way of coping - do not begrudge this to them, please.

I have always found that it is better not to talk about money, and never to disclose (or ask) how much things cost, as it tends to invite judgement. I would never have told my mum that I was buying bedroom furniture, for instance, as I wouldn't have seen it as her business (and I know she would have judged me); and similarly, I wouldn't expect my children to tell me how much they spend on things.

Sometimes they do, however, as they want to share their pleasure in what they have bought, but I wouldn't dream of judging them on their priorities, or assuming that they should be the same as mine.

My son and his wife had been struggling financially for quite a while. They received a small legacy. The first thing they did was to buy a new bed, which they badly needed, but they also bought the fancy headboard, wardrobes and chests too. I was surprised at them frittering money away instead of saving it for a rainy day. After some thought, I realised that money had been tight for so long that they just had to have a little splurge, now that they had some to spare. It did them good to go slightly mad, for once, and the rest of the money is sitting safely in the bank.
When times are hard I think that it does us good to treat ourselves to something frivolous, just to cheer ourselves up. Just carry on with the small gifts, and say nothing about the family’s purchases.

So sorry to hear about your son-in-law. I hope the prognosis is not as bad as you think. In any case, let them spend their money as they wish, especially at this horrible time.
You are a good person and I wish you and your family all the best

I am not sure what you mean when you say ‘just resolve not to do this again’ do you mean that you won’t give your Grandchild any more money, that would be mean and upsetting for the Grandchild. Don’t say anything, they have enough to contend with without you laying down the law.

Franbern. What on earth is the winter festival, why don’t you just say Christmas!!

We like to reward our grandchildren for good school reports with a small gift. They do know however that this depends on their effort grades rather than their attainment. This way they can all be rewarded whatever their level of ability. We are proud of them for trying hard.

Well, it's nice to see you, then, wondergran

Having just been really ill recently and, at times, not sure I was going to survive I can say that we have to grab each and every day and make the most of it. Life is short and very precarious. Let them spend their money as they wish and hopefully it will bring much pleasure at this very difficult time.

cassandra.
I do hope all works out well for your family.

I'm reminded of some friends, some 40 years ago who wouldn't let their young daughter have any toys that they considered to be frivolous or not sensible (or naff).As soon as their daughter was given some money for her birthday she went to the next car boot where she bought a load of second hand my little pony items. Parents not pleased byt duagheter was chuffed.

Again, thank you all for getting back to me on this. I appreciate your time, your thoughts and your kindness. Will keep my mouth shut! let them seize the days while they can, and try to be there for my family whatever happens.

Sometimes it's nice to be frivolous.

Once given, it is not yours.

You sound like the most caring of GPS. Try really hard to make your giving as unconditional as your love. I seldom find out what my monetary gifts ever buy. No problem for me.

There is no way I would interfere with how my gifted money is spent! I gave money to my DAC and DGC from inheritance I received and told them to spend it as they wished. A gift is just that, a gift, there should be no rules attached to it. You sound a caring and thoughtful parent/grandparent please don’t cause friction by instilling your views, it could lead to upset and resentment. I hope your SIL’s treatment combats the illness once and for all and to you and your family.

I give my two grandchildren £100 each , at the start of the summer holidays , it’s not an enormous amount but it’s what I can afford. I call it ‘ice -cream money’..... dont care if they fritter it away.... when it’s gone.. it’s gone! Not everything is about education .... frittering money is actually a lesson in life!!

Please just let them be...this could possibly be the last time that they can have some fun so please dont begrudge them just because of your own feelings. This isnt about you its about them

Do please try to accept that they have to live their life as they see fit.

Surely the money you send your grandchild is meant to be his to use as he likes?

If your SIL realises that his illness is so serious that he may not live very much longer, I understand why he might want to go ahead with buying a new house. It probably makes him feel he is doing what he can for his family if he is going to have to die soon, or be incapacitated by ill health for the rest of his life.

To my mind, pocket money is to spend on whatever you like. It can be saved up for something more expensive, or spent on something cheap and frivolous.
Your grandchild is going to have to face up to serious things soon and I think your daughter wants him to enjoy himself now.

31cassandra264
Did you gives the gift with two hands and an open heart and closed eyes or one hand and open eyes. Your DD and SIL are going through a tough time. Let the GC have a bit of joy she has certainly worked hard enough.

Yes, think of it as spreading a little love and joy.
I hope the treatment is successful this time and your son-in-law and daughter's little family pull through.

Thinking of you.
I suspect you are unusually anxious for them whilst they are struggling inside.

Agree midgey uncalled for post.

Bit harsh Bbbface, op sounds like a lovely caring gran who has been through tough times and know about hindsight.