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What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

(78 Posts)
Missfoodlove Tue 21-Jul-20 10:18:38

This year has been our worst ever
.
Husband diagnosed with a melanoma.

Friend committed suicide on January 4, this has had some truly awful implications and through business and friendship we have been very involved

Covid then arrived and wiped out my income overnight, I am self employed, no help is available.

Our tenant in a house we let said he was leaving.

My mother died ( narcissist) she left me with nothing ( this was not a surprise ) but left a will that could have caused big trouble between our children.
Thankfully they liaised and came up with an amicable solution.

Our holiday company have gone bust owing us for 2 holidays.

My husband has the all clear after 2 lots of surgery.

The suicide has made us reevaluate our life and given us some clarity.
We have also become much closer to some acquaintances through the tragedy, turned out we have loads in common and are becoming good friends.

Lockdown has been wonderful in so many ways, we’ve learnt new skills, become fitter, stopped socialising with people we really don’t want to see?.
Our home and garden are in tip-top shape and we have loved our time together.
I have managed without my income, I will hope it returns next year but if not I will find an alternative.

Our tenant is still paying us rent as he is living and working from his home in another country but decided he wanted to hang on to the house.
He now has a colleague living in our house who is paying us a great rate to service the accommodation. This really is a win win!!

Being free of my mother is liberating, a dark cloud has lifted.
My children will now have some extra cash, they all work very hard and really deserve it.

Now the holidays, we have decided to drive across Germany with some stops to visit our youngest son in Prague.
We will stay in Prague then go to Karlovy Vary and possibly then to Lipno.
I’m really excited at the prospect of a road trip and no airports.

If I had been told in December 2019 what lay ahead I would have been terrified of facing the obstacles.
We came through it.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Am I right?

Kate1949 Wed 22-Jul-20 22:36:59

*Kim19" Thanks smile

Kate1949 Wed 22-Jul-20 22:33:18

Anniel It isn't my husband that survived melanoma but Missfoodloves . Mine had prostate cancer.

Cotswoldslass Wed 22-Jul-20 20:18:19

Gosh that sounds as if you had some very serious knocks and set backs - so glad that they had a turn around for you! Have a great road trip - you deserve a lovely holiday after all you and your OH have been through x

Bluecat Wed 22-Jul-20 20:12:17

I am both saddened and impressed by these posts. Such pain and loss, but such courage and optimism. You are strong women, all of you.

Anniel Wed 22-Jul-20 20:05:20

Kate, I was so happy that your husband has survived melanoma! He must be one tough man. I felt cheered because back in 2009 my husband died of that awful disease with very little notice. I think things have moved on and if anyone deserves a break it is you and your husband. You are good, strong people and I hope you have a great trip to Prague and beyond. I bet you value your shared life and here’s wishing you and yours a great future%!

Blinko Wed 22-Jul-20 19:01:50

There's real sadness here and real courage. flowers for those who have unhappy memories whether of childhood or as adults. GN can be a very kind place.

Missfoodlove Wed 22-Jul-20 17:27:45

glammagran I think we can thank the Christian Brothers for a lot!!
My father was educated by them in Tralee.?.

glammagran Wed 22-Jul-20 16:20:59

Commiserations to all those who have expressed sadness and difficulties in this post.

My step-father was also a truly horrible man and ..... also from Co Kerry (Tralee). Why so many from that part of the world? He was a teacher who loathed children including his own.

Kate1949 Wed 22-Jul-20 15:53:20

Thank you Chewbacca

Chewbacca Wed 22-Jul-20 15:35:17

So many terribly sad experiences on here and so many brave, strong women who have soldiered on and forged a life, no matter what's been thrown at you. You really never know the full extent of what's going on in people's lives but, to MissA, Missfoodlove, Gillybob and Kate1949, I truly hope that life starts dealing you more happiness and good times from now on. flowers to you all.

Kate1949 Wed 22-Jul-20 14:53:52

Thank you musicgirl

Poppyred Wed 22-Jul-20 14:39:09

Very emotional after reading these posts. I’ve been through quite a lot of sh** in my life too but have come out the other side a much stronger person - sending my best wishes to you all. Xx

Kate1949 Wed 22-Jul-20 14:35:48

Wow Missf such similar stories. My father too was a brute, a drunk and a bully. He left Kerry at 16 and they never heard from him again. His poor parents! He had 3 sisters and a brother. All decent people. I have no idea how he came to be like he was
We also only got to know our Irish cousins in later life too.
They too had decent upbringings, unlike us. My mother was from Ireland too but was browbeaten and a abused by him. I love Kerry and where my mum was from and have visited many times.

Musicgirl Wed 22-Jul-20 14:13:09

Through l meant to say.

Musicgirl Wed 22-Jul-20 14:12:10

Missfoodlove and Kate1949, you are both strong, courageous ladies and you have come thr in spite of some terrible things. It is no surprise that events piling up on top of each other can lead to depressive episodes but there is not one hint of self pity from either of you.

Missfoodlove Wed 22-Jul-20 14:11:12

Kate1949,

My father was a kerryman too, he was a brute!
I never knew my Irish cousins growing up but am now in contact with them.

They had a much better life than myself, my father was the youngest of 7, he was the black sheep of the family.
He never fitted in in England ( he still held a grudge from the potato famine)

My mother too was Irish Catholic but born here.

There were never two more bitter, twisted, resentful people on earth.

My Irish family are so lovely, I feel very much at home there.

Our son is engaged to a beautiful Irish girl, so I now have another connection.

Perhaps we are related Kate?

Kate1949 Wed 22-Jul-20 13:14:54

My dad was from Kerry Missf A beautiful part of the world.

tigger Wed 22-Jul-20 12:56:25

Wishing you much happiness and a wonderful holiday. Doors close but others open.

Kim19 Wed 22-Jul-20 12:46:57

Well..... thought I had encountered some extreme tear jerking circumstances on GN but nothing compares to this. I am so humbled and in awe of those of you who have suffered so badly in life and are such stalwarts. There are no words powerful enough to impart my admiration. Everything seems feeble. I am very moved and saddened by what some of you have had to endure. I know 'life is not fair' but jeepers. I've only endured one major hiccup and it lives with me on a daily basis. How many of you have coped with your lots is beyond my comprehension. ??? all round.

Sleepygran Wed 22-Jul-20 11:40:36

That saying could be wrong.
15 years ago Two of my friends died and both my parents. Dh was in intensive care and then A few months later had Open heart surgery.
A year later After feeling palpitations It transpired I’d had two small heart attacks,so although it didn’t kill me I’m certainly not stronger!

Mollygo Wed 22-Jul-20 11:21:54

Missfoodlove Thanks for the post. It’s a good thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. It hasn’t exactly been a great year for us so far in terms of illnesses and lost finance and it doesn’t look as if things will change anytime soon.
Reading some of the distressing things you other Gransnetters have posted you should be proud of yourselves that you are still here. It’s really heartwarming to think of people coping with what I’ve read and still being on here to offer support to those in need.
Stay strong!

Kate1949 Wed 22-Jul-20 11:17:11

So sorry "Bobo Suicide is so hard isn't it? flowers

Kate1949 Wed 22-Jul-20 11:14:53

I agree Missf Thank you for starting the thread.

BoBo53 Wed 22-Jul-20 11:05:35

My condolences Missfoodlove got the loss of your friend! The worst day of our lives was the suicide of our son in law nearly six years ago when our grandsons, who were having a sleepover with us thank God, were only 5 and 2. I will never forget my husband’s cry of anguish when we were phoned by the police and dashing to be with my daughter. It was hell and at the time I could never have seen how we could have all survived. The anniversary falls on Halloween so we have to endure all the horrible hype for weeks but life has moved on. My daughter has a lovely new partner and they are going to marry next year and the boys are happy, well adjusted and aware what Daddy did. They get on well with their step dad and have two step sisters now. I will never forget my sil or that horrible day but I’ve coped and as a family I think we are stronger now, we’ve had to be!

Missfoodlove Wed 22-Jul-20 10:59:32

It’s been so lovely to have a kind supportive thread.

I try and count up ten good things that I experienced before I go to sleep, when I wake I have my morning tea in bed and focus on the positive aspects of my day.

Today got off to a great start reading all your posts.

I have now buried all the previous nastiness and negativity from other threads!!

I am now going to prepare a supper for friends who are coming over to eat in our garden with us this evening.
I listen to Irish radio, usually Radio Kerry while I cook, it’s hard to be grumpy hearing the beautiful accents.
The station covers areas I know and love.